im laying alone
in the same bed where we once made love.
smothered in blankets
that long for your long thin body

I look at my window
and your names still etched in
i dont have the heart to clean it.

Your ***** in a box
In my parents room-
Collecting dust
And quietly whispering
"Reminisce" softly
Down the back of my neck

why do things have to spoil?
whys the thing that hurts feel the best?
why is it that no matter what the sun and moon do
no matter how hard they try
they are a world away.

no matter what I do
I don't think I'm made for you

..and that really hurts.

cold wind burns my cheeks
red as a rose
golden leafs dance around,
and crunch underneath my scuffed up converse
down a ***** pebble road
I look down at my shoes
and remember the past.
sometimes i resent it
other times i thank it
today I don't know how to feel
so I guess i'll keep walking

putting myself first is something I've never been good at.
a fragile heart too big for my chest,
filled with such love,
but not for myself.
I will tend to your wounds,
and sing you to sleep
anything you need
and nothing for me

excuse me, miss?
are you paying attention?
x equals this,
and y equals that.
let's try this again,
its jumbled in my head.
remember this formula,
and recall that odd rule.
miss, do you get it?
oh god you're hopeless and,
you're hard headed, my dear
you just won't learn

bubble bubble
she boils over,
the hiss of the water
hitting a scalding hot ***.
it burns just the same as the matches
on her inner thigh that burned holes oh so long ago.
buzz buzz
just static in her head.

some call her an overboiled ***,
or a broken tv
either way,
she's useless to me

the star in the sky
that will guide me home.
the flicker of light i've been waiting for to make this journey through darkness less treacherous.
finally a shard of hope i've been awaiting for far too long.  
i'm trying to engrave myself
smiling alongside the four of you.
it's nothing compared to what it would be like being there.
there i would be home
and i'd feel warm.
it'd rid me of this emptiness,
this heart would finally feel whole again.

maybe then i would feel...

                                                  *complete

my brain is a broken record
of memories i'd like to forget
my mechanic heart that has lost all ability to feel,
now only focuses on beating.
i've become a machine
living in routine
just to keep myself alive;
i'm simply a pulse and brainwaves with emotions to the side,
a cluttered and broken device
with an almost robotic lack of enthusiasm to keep me under control;
constant regulation
to make sure i stay numb,
to hide from the overwhelming pressure to deal with
my inferior humanlike
thoughts;
pull the plug