today you made me smile , only a small one
probably not big enough to be noticed.
trust me , i know the feeling
i'm reaching acceptance , i've never entered this territory before.
the smile was sweet , small and short
one that wasn't packed with emotion just passing happiness
maybe this is me moving on or maybe its my false hope come back to taunt me .

I do not miss you anymore , I haven't for a while
I still get angry when we talk because you still don't get it
There's only so many times a girl can fall for the same boy
Love? Oh God I hope not .
Heartbreak? Oh yes my love , it's never ending.

Wouldn't it be fun to view life from a different angle for a day ?
I don't know whether I'd take up that opportunity .
What if I'm doing worse in the alternate reality ? What if I have everything I want ?
Most people say as long as you're happy then you're doing well ,
I haven't been happy in a while
Oh dear , what if I could wear my hair up and in buns and in plaits and in a nice ponytail and I could dye it . Oh the possibilities are endless .

But I'm here ... Gotta make the most of it .

I'm so sorry .

I'm so sick of being patronised
I'm so sick of the way I'm treated
I'm so sick of my current state

They say " get on with it " but honestly how can I ? My brain aches , my heart was broken months ago .

All I have left now is the comfort of silence .

The array of colours flashed over the screen ,
As I danced in the light ,
It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen,
You dancing in the night .

I don't miss you as such
I miss the way your humour drove me to tears
You can't deny that you enjoyed that
I remember feeling so at home when you passed me that post it with a smiley face on it .
I remember leaning towards you as you told me the reason that Careless Whisper was your ringtone .
I remember it all .

I miss these moments , not you .
But honey don't flatter yourself because I still laugh , I am still driven to tears by the dumbest things .

I'm still here ...

Dear Someone
Dear Anyone That Will Listen
I fear the fear has consumed me , eaten me alive
No point coming back now
You've just begun to thrive
My dear petal , my dear indigo blue
Why did you put the last five years behind you ?