What doesn't **** you,
  only makes you stronger...
unless it kills you

Life is Fantastic & ******,
All Miracles & Mired in Muck,
And in the Usual Twist,
I Exist Betwixt

How many times upon a time I do not know
(I'm certain it's close to infinite though),
a man speaks to a beach with its watching moon
and beseeches them to grant him a boon.
He wanders and wonders what everything means,
and wonders if his wanders lead to what should be seen.
He seeks to speak words never heard,
and is smitten with the thought of ideas never written.
He remembers living in darkness unforgiving,
with blades of pain in the brain
which carved out parts of his heart.
He recalls laughter and love,
and joy from within and above.
Forsooth he searches for truth,
to re-touch the teachings of youth,
while embracing maturity,
and all it's taught him to be...

farther into the forest
  than any path can ever find
emotions imagine an eden
  and insist upon belief in its existence

a heart's hopes unable to rest
  are not necesarily kind
and if paradise remains barren
  belief begins to question its insistence

choking on the inbetween
  of reality and what I mean
stoking stroking fantasy's awe
  until I end up ridden raw

I'll wear my ice-blue rose
  til my death and beyond
Unrequited and Rejected
  with its core sorely infected
Yet still somehow it knows
  not a single petal was Loved wrong

the ghost won't ever dim in my mind
  nor release its tingle from my feel
tattooed with you on each inch of my inside
  the only woman I want to sing me real

if only you would take me deep within you
  and want for me to hold you too
I would inhale you way within
  never to ever exhale again

in the middle of the midst of the scene
  i swear this ******'s already been seen

cut to some day
  that seems like today
or should be,
  maybe.
except I can't quite manage to distinguish
  the quiet from the mirage from the extinguished

stomping barefoot on broken glass
  moshing in a field of razor grass
will the screaming ever ease?
  the shrieking ever cease?

price paid
  over & over
    ad infinitum
fight not to fade
  over & over
    and then some

exhausted
  self-accosted
so sick of this ****
  & its anti-exquisite
    ready to abandon belief in it
but will when ever be the whole then again?
  will Clint ever really rock & roll & rule again?

hmmm,
  we know you can't bind me
    if I decide to find me
  so get thee behind me
    before I remind me
  of the achievements I was “meant” for
    which I never ever gave a **** for

Force of Nature
  my own answer
intellectual
emotional
primal
  the forever genius jester

wit charm & character
  with four-alarm laughter
exiting the confusion
  burning cold fusion

escaped from my asylum
  for the emotionally insane
unbroken I again become
  and this phoenix shall remain

in the movement of a moment you met her,
  the mayhap of a magic that just might matter.
your pulse pounds in your pupils,
  pulls & pours perfect purple pearls
    of a never-known intricate history,
      an instant intimate mystery.

from the view point
         the true point
         the view to poignant
Cherry Apple Blossoms
  carry Ample Awesome.
silken sailors on a sultry wind
  blowing between their lotus friends,
wander within the waterfall
  & ride it upwards after all.

mere moments from making memories
  melding mighty might-be's,
your morbid mockingbird returns
  melting maybes into more burns.

the water appears pure
  & your scars need cure,
but it won't wash away the intense,
  can't convince me to release and rinse.
Blood bound to my soaked sleeve,
  saturated with the grieve
    of the heart worn stark there,
      the heart i can't spark or spare.
failing falling farther further
  faster into fractured forever.

from WOAH to WOE
  and WOW to OW,
one more maybe something
  dies another nothing

yeah, i know,
  you been all about NO,
    flushed in a negative flow

As Lucid As Hell

i keep seeing your fleeings
  from deep suffering feelings,
    crushed beyond breathing.

refueled and refeeled are the doubts,
  rabid to wreak the shrieks of their shouts.
happy only happening
  from external stimulation,
misery the missing of my own motivation.
even music is up down all-around,
  sometimes just sound.
how much more tired
  can you grow of uninspired?

But what the **** Dude?
  whence went your Attitude?
the epitome of optimal optimism
  within every wish or whim!
intense immense confidence,
  invincible invulnerable arrogance.
remember the relentless effortless course
  of your subconscious primal source?
the intimate emotional intelligence
  to whom all made sense.

Have you ever felt overflowing
                         been effervescent
                         knew you were undousable?

Are you aware of self-fulfilling prophecies
  that refueling never needs?

Perhaps possibly that personality is not deceased,
  and not even appreciably decreased.
If the power imbuing the flower
  simply slipped sleeping into hibernation,
then there just needs to be a shower
  to rinse in the reinCarnation.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
is belief in being almost cute
  with soul-voice articulate.
a writer friends & family call poet
  who rides rhythm & rhyme
    along imagination's music,
      the inner bliss
        which inspires a kiss
witty charming stunned
  sweet smart overcum
suave swan not gone,
  just sleeping til the right dawn.

maybe it's back to the breeze,
  re-friending the days it brought teaching.
information gathered from seas & trees
  transferred to me from miles of reaching.

even then my arrogance knew reverence
  when we would watch the wind
    somehow know how much we did not know
      and wonder how different we'd be once we did...

i was just somewhere,
  i swear!
i almost remember,
  and i think there i cared...

today gives way
  tomorrow fading into being
but what perspective does it give
  which will help me love to live?

from reveller
  to mere traveller,
    fearful of the future
    further along the same circle
    & the skein i spin within

inside & outside
  are copious quantities of chaos
    & i just a “lost” they toss

i try to feel, find or force focus
    personal   emotional
    intellectual   existential
    internal   external
  but then the things i see
   sting with the stain of negativity

pathetic pessimist i be
  underwhelmed by myself
my glass not simply half-empty
  but banished broken on the shelf

whiny little ******,
  or rather non-******,
my only sublime
  another tired rhyme

i find fine & fun with friends,
  but when they're gone it ends.
i'm all dependence upon their outside
  to influence my gone-bare inside

without their temporary infusion
  i return to my self-intrusion
    to kiss & curse the chaos
      and claim i carry a cross

the myriad meanderings of my melancholy madness
  lead me mostly inbetween depression & sadness.
so when alone is what's known,
  i nest in a node of numbness,
    request substances define my self's substance,
      provide my soul's sole sustenance

And in that distortion of view,
  i redefine true
    replace peace with painless
      and happiness with highness

but I was just somewhere,
  I swear!
and while I remember some grief,
  I still feel all of that belief...