books are the only escape
from the world around me

you see their souls cracked open so wide that they cannot even deny who they are

I call you my Draco and you call me your Luna. You, however, are far more than the sun, moon, and stars to me.

you did nothing to have someone act the way they did. yet, you still feel as though you did something wrong. you apologize and try to convince them that it was you, it was all you and they had nothing to do with the wrong that was committed. as time goes on, you realize that it was nothing that you did at all, that you weren’t in the wrong. by then, it’s too late…god, i don’t know where i’m going with this...maybe this isn’t for you, but for me instead. because i have to constantly remind myself that i am worth it, that i’m valuable. no matter how much rejection or heartbreak that i face, i still pick myself up at the end of the day. i’m the one who will dust off my shoulders, wipe the tears from my eyes, bandage the wounds left by the ones who ran me over, and continue the long weary journey alone, save for a few people that want to join me. many start with me but few stay with. others say that they’re going to be there for me but then drop off the face of the earth with a simple “i’m sorry but i can’t do this” and leave me dumbfounded and confused and wondering what it was that i did and if there had been anything i could have done to change their mind. there was nothing and i didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t me at all, but it was them, leaving me trampled into the ground with my soul broken into a million shards. i’ll be sitting there, reassembling my heart, missing a few pieces, cursing the existence of everyone and swearing, “no, i won’t allow myself to be attracted to another person” until i see someone else and they see me too and oh gosh, it’s happening again. i should learn to brace myself against such things because i know that i’m going to get hurt again and it’s going to be even more painful than the last. and then it happens and  yet again, i’m sitting there, bewildered because i don’t know what happened or why it happened or the other several hundred questions running through my mind, so i begin gluing the shards together again, noticing a few more are gone, stuck to the sole of his shoe from where he crushed my soul. ironic, isn’t it?

whenever you kiss my forehead
that adorable half-smirk
stroking my hair
your snicker (you know what i'm talking about)
the comfort of sitting in silence
you tolerate my love of books
how your stubble feels against my skin
walking together, hand in hand
i can't figure your eye color
you make my heart sing
all the nicknames you have for me
you're willing to work out the kinks in our relationship
stroking my face
'grabbing' my nose to make me laugh
whenever i catch you staring at me
you'll buy me books
talking about the future, our future
you help me with dishes, without a complaint
when you play with my hair
your fingers twitch as you drift off
always being so understanding about everything
brushing my hair out of my face
you pause your video games to talk with me
every time i hear your voice on the phone, i smile like an idiot
drying my tear-stained cheeks with your fingers
you want to talk about anything and everything
"duh"
always caring about my well-being
you see my perspective and i see yours
hugging for a long time
you want to go to church with me
knowing exactly what to say (most of the time)
you keep spoiling me, even though you joke
snuggling together
your mouth twitches before you kiss me
that soft smile you get from time to time
you've never treated me as an object
making me feeling safe and secure
whenever you compliment me
you take naps on me
letting me rest for a few minutes
you don't make sexist jokes

look how far we've come, my love
       and how far we have to go