I read the word of God each night
And when I pray
My tears flow
With painful honesty
With a ache of my wants
And for all that I'm thankful for
Hoping that something
Anything will bring back
All that I had
I have to rely solely on God
For I'm on the down *****
Of a rollercoaster
And He's the only one
Who can save me
And bring me back to you.

I was born to
Forever be with you*

Because unlike you
I very highly believe in destiny

I truly do believe all my mistakes
All the ****** up things that have happened to me

Was a part of destiny
My mistakes led me back to you

Again and again
It wasn't that we had met and weren't

Meant to be
it was simply that the time was off

I was vulnerable
I was weak

You were stronger
You were still to young for the love I held in my heart

So I believe in destiny
I believe that each moment of torture

Was carefully planned
So that one amazing day

We'd be reunited
And the fates

Made it so that we lasted forever
Mistakes and all

We had grown finally
More mature

We had learned what true love could be
Destiny knew and we followed its path

As soul mates typically do
Now our past is behind us and our future awaits.

No one ever understood me...Or you...we seemed to stand out like a wild fire...We had to rely on each other...Our friendship was everything I held dear...And when I fell in love with you I thought it'd all come to an end...But it didn't...Because you were different...That's what I loved most...You've been gone so long now...and still as I lie awake at night thoughts of you continue to consume my mind...Our memories...All our good times and the bad ones....And suddenly I find myself craving your presence...But it's been so long now I fear you'll never return to me...So all I can do Is dream...Dream of you and I together like we once were....

Here's the simple truth,
No ones voice will ever
Sing to my soul the way
Yours does

Never will another chest
Be as comfortable and warm
To cuddle into as yours

I'll never kiss another set
Of lips and be satisfied
Because if they're not yours
Then those lips don't matter

You are the best advantage
Life has given me,
Even through all the
Mountains and rollercoaster rides
We came out okay,
We came out in love
And that means *everything.

Flirtatous laughter,
A giggle in reply,
A relationship in the making,
But truly dreams are only dream,
So for enjoyment I live in dreamland now.

So caught up in the creativity of my mind,
I can dream of the boy that will never leave me,
I can't have him reality but here he's mine.

We can fall in love,
Then we can make love,
Comfort is always found in his presence,
Real or not he makes me complete,
And though dreams are only dreams it's as close as I could ever get to him.

One day I'll have to leave dreamland,
One day dreams won't satisfy me.
Until then I will ravish in the sweet dreams of he and I,
With sorrow hidden with the knowledge of all that will never be real.

I miss you
I feel your absence
My body is a empty shell without you
And I suppose it no longer matters
That my body arches in my bed
Imagining you and I tangled in the sheets
My heart shattered by your abscence
My world missing its life
Wishing you were back
Needing you
Crying in my bed
Seeing how lonely life truly is
So now who will kiss me
And walk me home
And make me proud of who I am
Who will look at me with passion
And tickle me to make sure I'm okay
I miss your eyes
And staring into them
And running my hand over your scar
For who will kiss my boo boos
And cuddle with me when I'm sad or sick
Who will I give my play-doh hearts to
Who do I turn to now that your gone
Because no one can compare to you
No one is made for me like you.

The wind hits my neck
And I shiver with the mixed emotions
Of pleasure and coldness
But I love it
Because it reminds me
Of your suckling kiss
That always gives me
Goosebumps
And that always
Tickles
And excites me
Oh I don't mind the cold
Because it reminds me
Of your warmth.

My heads spinning and this is only the beginning
My hearts breaking and my hands are shaking
My insanity in the making...The monster within waking
My world is quaking...Life is falling around,I feel like I was drowned,
Smothered in my own tears,It started with simple fears,so as my make-up smears My hope disappears...and again I'm singled out,With a desire to shout all about my doubt...

I fell asleep
Last night
With a smile
Because your
Voice soothed me
Into a peacful sleep.

I'm lying to myself saying My heart doesn't ache at seeing your name...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't need you anymore...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't want you...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't miss you...
I'm lying to myself saying I'm glad we won't see each other again...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't dream of you...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't cry over you...
I'm lying to myself saying I don't still love you...
Because Inside I know the truth...My heart does ache every time I see your name,I do need you,I do want you,I do miss you,I'm sad we won't see each other again,I do dream of you,I do cry over you,I do still love you...I always have and I think I always will

Our whole lives
You've been fighting the love
I've been fighting for it

I can no longer count the times
You've left me
Or ended our relationship

I've known you almost nine years

I know your every expression

I know I am not the right choice

But I would fight for you until the end of time itself

And that's the biggest heartbreak of all

My dedication
And your lack thereof

I think back to when I use to smile

And it was always in your arms

I remember walking in the heat of August

Sweaty palms didn't stop us from holding hands

I remember us venturing in the middle of winter

We walked in the snow
And you were still so warm

I remember the way your whole soul seemed to calm when I rubbed your back

I will always hold our memories

I have tried to erase them

But my dreams won't let me

I wanted to be yours

I would follow you anywhere

And yet

I am alone now

When our old song comes on
I can't bare to listen

Because it hurts so bad
And I remember when you believed in us and it would make you cry

You're choosing your mind over your heart

And I'm left with my heart
Too **** full

And my mind drowning in memories

How do I let you go

I've been asking myself this since we met

Since you asked to be my friend
And I told you this would happen

How do I let you go

Because I know now

It'll never be me

I will never be your final choice.

I'm scared to love you.Those words they surround me.Its all I can think of.
I'm scared to love you.Because I'm scared of the pain.Scared you'll break me like I've been broken before.I'm scared our memories will never fade.
I'm scared of loving because I'm scared that you'll never love me back.
Being scared seems easier than being hurt.So for now I'm gonna put up a wall surrounding my heart and hope you never break in...Or maybe I hope you do...And I hope you'll stay...

In our time apart
I only notice
Our insanity
And how it grows
With everyday apart
And the only thing
Anchoring us down
In sanity
Is that visit
Every few weeks
That sparks magic
In my soul
And brings light
Back into my life
For when all falls apart
You can always find comfort
In the arms of the one you love.

I met you
On a day I cannot
Recall
But I do
Know that
Each day after
Was brighter
When I was with you.

Sweet collision
Perfect images
my brain full of them
the desire filling
the want so endless
we have our love
have our future mapped out
but dearest
bring me somewhere
I want to be alone with you
Let's enjoy our romance
enjoy these sensations
I want you
Love you too
Can't say no
don't wanna
Take me away
all my dreams
are of us
our future
our intimacy
you and I
Are the perfect broken pieces
completing the other.

I was new in this world
Freshly arisen
And when I thought
I could not bare to
Walk nor breathe
You grasped my hand
And you help me
You helped me move
To inhale and exhale
And with such a calm demanor
Your mind was racking up with
So many unanswered questions
And all I could do
Was whisper my first words
Since being reborn
*I love you.

It's his pain
That makes
Me want
To end it
Or go back
To my blade
So I can find
Some comfort
Some release
If any at all.

Oh my dearest love
You rip my heart apart
And staple it back together
Your sweet words
They make me want to frollick
I'm a lioness
So overjoyed
So hungry
I devour it all
The words
The feeling of your hands entwined in mine
How you say things like
"I love you"
And whisper
So much
Or "Why do you think you aren't perfect?"
You are to me
Oh dearest love
I hope this isn't just a dream
I hope your truly here
That you truly love me
I can dream of us
Together forever
Just like we talked about.

Just like we dreamed.

I fear
When you worry
And I worry
About your worrying
I fear
Your doubt
Your doubt leaves me
Doubting
I fear
What you see
Because you see
Sorrow
When there is none
And then you make it grow
When you see something nonexistent
And then we're sad
And I fear it
I fear losing you
Because you
Your the only good thing I have in this world.

I have you
Our lust
Our passion
Our love
And I never wanna let you go
I'm fearful
Of the day you'll leave me
Because everyone does
My life can't bare your absence
Because I awake each morning
Waiting for your kiss
Your hug
Smile
Touch
And whispered love
With you I am complete
No longer a broken soul
Looking for her other half
The future we've planned
Is all I need for the rest of my life
I wanna live with you
Marry you
Bare your child
And die blissfully
Old and In love.

No one understands
That my love
Will never die or fade
That I would forgive you
A thousand times over
No matter the ache
No matter how hard I break
Because my love
Is supernaturally infused
God blessed me
When He answered
My prayers for love
And in doing so
He granted me
An undying passion
An undying love.

Love me
Ignore me
Want me
Have me
Lose me
Hate me
Love me
Need me
Hurt me
Ruin me
Love me
Babe make up your mind
I know your confused
I completely get how jealous you are
He has me now
And you don't
It's obvious I'm happy with him
Maybe that's why your playing
This little game
Your just trying to win
But this game
Alredy has a victor
It's Him

You Once Made My Heart Soar,
Now the pieces are spread across the floor,
My hearts been slain,
You've caused me so much pain,
I hate what you've done,
Made me feel like number one,
Built me up to tear me down,
I feel like such a clown,
A clown with a everlasting frown,
I suppose I'll see you around,
Forever will I miss the sound of your pounding heart,
But wait isn't that the heart that tore my world apart?
Yes,But none the less it's the heart I've loved from the start.

I'm fat

And I must spend my life with that

Don't tell me I can change

A skinny life would be strange

I know it's not easy

Being made fun of and gone after by guys that are ******

I'm fat

And it gets hard to deal with that

I've tried to change and better my life

But the food makes me sick and the junk replaces my knife

I can't help the way I am

But at least my life isn't a sham

So I struggle with security and will power


It doesn't mean I cower

I get by

Without a regretful sigh

Because even though I'm fat

Even though it's tough

I face that fact.

It's not that we weren't meant to be it's that you didn't realize we were.

In a place of weakness
I moved my head up
From the soft place in your chest
And whispered
I want to marry you so badly
And even I had no intention to cry
I had no clue that my desires
Ran so deeply in my veins
And yet I knew with tears streaming down my face
I wanted you
For the rest of my life
And I knew this with such intensity
That nothing can quite compare
For I knew then I truly loved you
I knew I truly couldn't bare your absence.

I find myself in love again,
It sends me spinning,
Spiraling out of control.

My one and only past love destroyed me,
He destroyed the girl I could've been,
He made a weakling of me,
I cannot exact revenge but I shall allow love in my heart again.

Unrequited love may be the end of this,
But my will keeps me going,
And I will fight for a surviving love story.

They tell me it's easier to give up than to keep dreaming an empty dream,
But love makes you do crazy things,
Love has made me different,
And because of it I know better than to quit.

Especially on love.

There are so many signs that I'm falling for you,
Each one scares me to the depth of my soul,
I know you couldn't love me,
Look at you,
And look at me,
No matter how I want us to be,we simply will not,
The first sign appeared that moment you walked up to me,
Then when we started to talk,
I smile at each word,
My heart would flutter,
Your smile and eyes,
Oh what a pair,
So hypnotic,
You started touching me,
So flirtatious yet so meaningless,
I know what you want,
It's what all guys around me seem to want,
To use me,
I don't care,
Because your touch leaves me yearning for more,
And your hug it always leaves me shell-shocked,
Every moment I feel uneasy I just say your name and begin to smile,
I'm falling for you and it scares me to my core,
My heart's just now healing,
And now at any moment you can break it,
With just a few words,
You can break my heart just like those before you.

Friendship Turned Into A Crush.

The Crush Caused Flirting.

The Flirting Lead To Love.

The Love Became A Relationship.

The Relationship Ended.

The Ending Caused Hearts To Break.

I board up the windows and I lock the doors,
I build wall after wall all in protection of my little heart shaped home,
It does not need anymore intruders,
My little heart shaped home does not need anyone to see it at it's worst,
My little heart shaped hime will try to stand alone,
it doesn't want to be broken,
It doesn't want to be bothered,
nor does it even want to be loved,
All it wants is to guard itself so that it stays safe and worth value,
So it is not harmed,
Not cracked or broken,
Not hurt or ignored it just wants to be slightly invisible.
So Please Leave My Little Heart Shaped Home Alone.

How else
Am I to express
My fear
Anxiety
Terror
For
Here I lay
Falling in love
With you again
Here I lay
Imagining
Our marriage
Our child
Our future
How can I express
My fear
That we won't
Survive
That you'll leave me
That you don't want me
How can I explain
How scared I am
To think of my life without
You.

I'm scared to fall in love again...Because after he broke my heart I don't think I can handle anymore pain.So let me silently admire you.never let me get to near.Never let me fall In love.Never let me feel so much pain.Honestly a part of me is still partially broken...And I can't handle my heart breaking anymore.So when we laugh together take a step back then turn away.Before your smile makes me weak like his did..

I Try To Make It Better,
Try to clear my mind,
Say It's okay,
Try not to worry,
But thoughts creep in,
They suffocate me.

I'm So Alone,
Friends begin to hate me,
I've been selfish and immature,
Or maybe they've been uncaring and inattentive.

My Love Life Is Terrible,
My first love hates me,
The ones I want don't want me,
I guess I'm not good enough.

Home And School,
Chores,
Homework,
Basically my life,
So time consuming.

My Scars Mock Me,
They want to be refreshed,
I barely hold on,
I want to just cut here and there,
But I'm trying to be strong.

I Want To Let Go,
I don't wanna care,
I don't wanna care about a thing,
I just wanna breathe.

I Don't Wanna To Think,
I Don't Wanna The Stress To Bother Me,
I Don't Wanna Care How They Feel,
I Don't Wanna Love,
Because I Know Love Leads To Heart Break,
I Don't Wanna Live,
But I Don't Wanna Die,
Just Sent Me To Limbo,
Just Send Me To A Place Where I Don't Have To Give A ****,
Send Me To A Place Where I'm Not Prone To Give A ****.

Silence in the mist of love,
catostrophic moments surround us,
flirting becomes meaningless,
glorious stares become painful moments,
she is yours,
one fact and I'm left in the dirt,
agony cascading thoughts of you,
love cannot be killed so easily,
the green eyed monster rules,
A charcoled and severed heart,
a what if becomes a if only,
an ending without a conclusion,
a love that doesn't die
and a broken heart yet to heal.

I wish I could stop dreaming of you day and night but it doesn't feel right...
I wish I could stop craving your kiss...
I wish you and I never met so I'd never be broken...
But if we never met then I wouldn't have so many great memories.
All the bad memories in the world couldn't make me forget the good ones.
I wish you were here but your there and even though I have yet learn of that location I love it anyways because,your there...

I love you
Love the way
You kiss me
And hold onto me
Sometimes your hands
Lingering at my waist
And my face lights up
I love the way
You look me in the eyes
And how you say
I love you
I love that you mean it
And that you want to spend forever with me
I love that we
Want a child someday
And we both want it badly
I love the way you cry
And I cry
For each other
Just because
And how we can be jealous
Not because lack of trust
In one another
But because neither
Of us seem to trust the world
We've both been disappointed by people
Even each other
But we're stronger
Together
Than we ever could be apart
So I love those freckles on your ears
And the way your eyes shimmer
I love the way you
Open your eyes when you kiss me
And I love the way you want me close
No matter whose watching
Yes,
I love all of these things
BUT
It's not WHY I love you
You see I love you
Not for what you look like
Or the things you do
But for the kindness in your heart
And the way you make jokes
I love you for your fear
And for your patience
I love you for everything that you are
Your fear of clowns and spiders
And your insecurities
Because to me
Their just perfect
To me
Your amazing
And I love you
For everything that you are
Everything.

I hadn't had nightmares since I was 10
And the most important thing in my life
The one thing I feared losing most was
My mother
I remember those nightmares
About losing her in the mall
And that a monster would take her away
And somewhere along the line I grew up
And my nightmares faded
And I dreamed peacefully
I met you though
And fell in love
And when you left
Life was a nightmare
And dreaming had become an escape
Only even there I wasn't free
You'd show up and fade away
Leaving me
And then you came back
And even though your mine
Your now the one thing I most fear losing
Because I'm all grown up now
And I love my mother dearly
But you
Life without you
Was like a life in darkness
A hole of never ending despair
And last night I had a nightmare for the first time
In five years about you
About you ending this
And faking your death
And coming back
And breaking my heart
Twice as bad
And I remember crying
And yelling at you
How could you do that to me
I loved you
I made mistakes
But was sorry
And my heart meant nothing
And I was stuck looking at you
Breaking completely with each moment
And when I awoke
I needed you so bad
And I don't know where you are
All I know is your not here
And that nightmare is making me cry
And I don't want you to leave me
I love you too much to say goodbye.

They never ask if I'm mourning
I am
You see I mourn for society
I mourn for those who prefer made up words and slang
Over heartfelt honest ones
I mourn for everyone who cannot express their true feelings
I mourn for those who value money more than love
And for those who see me as mutant
I'm perfectly fine but I mourn for the last great generation
And I mourn knowing I'm one of few uncoruptted in mine
I mourn in black for the dealers who are 14
And for the single mothers who are 13
I mourn for the homeless
And I mourn for the judging
I mourn for the models who will never eat and keep it down
I mourn for the cutters who never stop bleeding
I mourn for the world we have become and all the chaos surroundung us
I mourn for their curiosity
And most of all I mourn for myself for letting it all hurt me.

I love you
And I say it
With sincerity
I miss you when
Your gone
And I love it
When your near
Secretly
My heart hates
All these other girls
The ones who cry on you
Because I like to do that when I'm sad
The ones who get to laugh with you
Because I envy the way they make you happy
But I am silent
Of my jealousy
So you don't think
I'm that crazy obsessive girl
Who once tried so hard
To cling to you
Like a magnet to metal
I want you
I want the rest of my life
To be spent with you
Always
Because no matter
The people
Who want us
All that matters
Is that we only want each other.