I'm still thinking about you,
Obviously still writing about you,
But why?!
You broke my heart,
You told me you loved me,
Now your saying it was all a lie,
Your saying it all meant nothing,
But your wrong,
I thought it was real,
That's how you made it feel,
It meant everything to me,
Kissing you in the rain those days meant everything,
Our daily hugs meant everything,
Our laughs and smiles meant everything,
Our friendship meant everything,
And now I can't have you,
I can't have you as a friend or anything more,
Because you won't allow it anymore,
But why?!
Did others tell you to do this,
Because only weeks ago you told me you cared,
You said we could be friends,
And now all I'm hearing from you is ignorance,
You tell the world you never loved me,
You won't even look or speak to me,
What did I do wrong?
I still don't know,
We haven't spoke anytime recently so what could I have said
Or done to make you do this?
Why do you always haunt my every waking moment,
and destroy the moments of joy I actually have...

I stayed
Because
I love you
And I wanted
To prove
I could be
A good wife
Sticking with you
Through any stupidity
Or nonsense
I wanted to prove
That I'm strong enough
To leave
But crazy enough to stay
The truth is
My life
Without you is predetermined
And I fight that destiny
Telling me
It's not time yet
And that another time will be
Because I want you now
And NOTHING
Could make me want to leave you
No matter how much my heart hurts
Or how broken it becomes
It will always belong to you.

My king of winter
Not for cool exterior
But for endurance
In the cold
So warm
From head to toe
Except your hands
Which always
freeze for me
My king
If I am your queen
I cannot promise
To enjoy the cold
But I will endure through it
As long as your throne is beside mine
For all I need to survive
The snow and wind
Is your hand in mine
We'll make it
For spring is almost here
And I will guide you through.

I love you
And I'm human
Despite the fact
That I use to say
I was born
In venus
So yeah
I make mistakes
And no I'm not perfect
Even if in your eyes I am
I'm not
I love you
And even when I cry
I love you
And I know I don't always
Act like I do
But I do
And you mean more to me
Than anything
And I'm sorry
For every time I hurt you
And I wish each night
You were here to tuck me in
But I'm patient
We've lived a miserable life apart
And I hope we never have to bare that again
I love you
And darling
You've always had my heart.

Somewhere
In the thick vines
I have found new life
And he breathed into me
And suddenly
I remembered
The sweetness in simple things
In sunsets
In being wrapped in warmth
In smiling
Somewhere
Past the thorns
The blood and pain
I have found
A new beginning
And it will be great
And it will be forever.

In a place of weakness
I moved my head up
From the soft place in your chest
And whispered
I want to marry you so badly
And even I had no intention to cry
I had no clue that my desires
Ran so deeply in my veins
And yet I knew with tears streaming down my face
I wanted you
For the rest of my life
And I knew this with such intensity
That nothing can quite compare
For I knew then I truly loved you
I knew I truly couldn't bare your absence.

You were a addiction
A need
It seems if thoughts of you weren't flowing through me I wasn't alive
You were the pain and the joy
The bittersweet taste that lived in me
An obsession came with my love
I was in fact infatuated
I was consumed in your everything
Your name
Your memories
Hell I loved you
But it was so much more
You were the air I breathed
You were the oxygen I needed but I didn't want
I craved death and while your memories did that
They also kept me alive
Time has passed my darling and old words still ache
Broken promises still urge tears
But you are now a ending chapter
Your a part in my story but babe your not the whole **** thing
Not anymore

I board up the windows and I lock the doors,
I build wall after wall all in protection of my little heart shaped home,
It does not need anymore intruders,
My little heart shaped home does not need anyone to see it at it's worst,
My little heart shaped hime will try to stand alone,
it doesn't want to be broken,
It doesn't want to be bothered,
nor does it even want to be loved,
All it wants is to guard itself so that it stays safe and worth value,
So it is not harmed,
Not cracked or broken,
Not hurt or ignored it just wants to be slightly invisible.
So Please Leave My Little Heart Shaped Home Alone.

They never ask if I'm mourning
I am
You see I mourn for society
I mourn for those who prefer made up words and slang
Over heartfelt honest ones
I mourn for everyone who cannot express their true feelings
I mourn for those who value money more than love
And for those who see me as mutant
I'm perfectly fine but I mourn for the last great generation
And I mourn knowing I'm one of few uncoruptted in mine
I mourn in black for the dealers who are 14
And for the single mothers who are 13
I mourn for the homeless
And I mourn for the judging
I mourn for the models who will never eat and keep it down
I mourn for the cutters who never stop bleeding
I mourn for the world we have become and all the chaos surroundung us
I mourn for their curiosity
And most of all I mourn for myself for letting it all hurt me.

How else
Am I to express
My fear
Anxiety
Terror
For
Here I lay
Falling in love
With you again
Here I lay
Imagining
Our marriage
Our child
Our future
How can I express
My fear
That we won't
Survive
That you'll leave me
That you don't want me
How can I explain
How scared I am
To think of my life without
You.

You never cared,
I was only your game,
Seems like you've won,
Was this your master plan
Tearing my world apart?!
You heartless *******,
I wish I never met you,
***** the good memories
They all lead to this disaster,
You've made me weak far too long,
No longer will I love you!
I can't continue to watch as my world falls apart,
Even if it's already begun,
and nearly impossible to stop,
I'll try,
I always try,
But so often do I fail,
I still try to put on my brave face and pretend it's all okay,
But isn't obvious how I'm dying inside?
My heart is now old and weary,
Useless for loving,
Impossible for being loved,
Are you proud?!
You ruined my life,
and if I am never happy again the only person I'll blame,
Is YOU.

Jolted awake as always
But then I see
Your body
Lying beside mine
And it all seems
Perfect
Every moment
In my life that I've
Suffered feels
So worth him
My future husband
The man whom I
Could not bare life without
My heart settles into this peaceful image
Of his arms wrapped around me
And never letting go
And then I sink deeper and the image of us holding
Our childs hand comes back to my mind
And it just all seems
So
Perfect
Life with you is
All I could have ever wanted.


You are my dream come true.

I wish
You were here
To hold my hand
And tell me
Everything
Will be okay
Because without you
I'm not sure I believe it
When I tell myself.

I can't help it,
Every time I think about you I smile,
I love it,
Yet I hate it,
I could so easily fall for you
But all you want is a little fun
All I want is love,
I should run from you,
But whenever you hug me or whenever you touch me,
My body feels so exhilarated,
It wants you,
My heart is starting to ache for you,
For your lips,
To snuggle with you,
to bury my head in your chest and whisper
how I'm falling for you,
My hearts re-building itself,
Only to be broken,
Broken by you,
Because a guy like you could never love me,
Never love me like I'm starting to love you.

I hear your cruel words
As you try to explain
You mean no harm
Yet with each
Excruciating line
I feel my heart
Crack and shatter
Your telling me here
And now
You don't love me
You love her
The girl I was
But your the one who killed her
You shattered her heart too
Left her so broken
She became different
But inside
This person I am
Feels too complex
And now even I am having
An identity crisis
As for you
You stay
And so do I
Because there is a love
A passion
A complete disaster
Yet so undeniably meant to be
We've been through hell
To get here
To be together
So we will stay because
Our love is trapped.

I'm sometimes afraid
That the best choice
Is to let you go
But I need you
My love keeps me
Trapped here.

Sometimes I like this cage
Because your there.

I appreciate the little things, or at least I try to
Like the way your warm when I'm cold
And cold when I'm warm
Or the way you make fun of me
Because when we hold hands
I don't always lay my fingers against your hand
I love the way you kiss my cheek
And tickle me with your stubble
The way you look at me when you want me
The good morning and goodnight texts
How 5 days a week
Your outside my house at 6 a.m.
I appreciate that I have you in my life
Because I love you
And I never wanna live without you again

You are
THE WORST
Tease
I have ever known.

EVER.

I remember when I would dream of you,
It use to make my heart ache,
If I dream of you now,
It probably still would,
Not because I want you,
But because the dreams remind me,
Remind me of all that we had,
Everything that has turned to dust,
All the words,
All lies!
They broke me so quickly,
They forced me to runaway,
Run to my dreamland,
I tried to make the pain fade,
But all it did was stay,
You will always be my heart-breaker,
I can't change it,
And maybe you can't either.

It was like he threw her away,
Like all she was,was a worthless piece of trash,
Did he forget?
Forget all the glorious memories they shared,
They began as friends,
Then somewhere between all their laughs,
All their smiles,
Their jokes,
Their happiness,
They fell,
Fell for one another,
Until his love faded,
And for him It didn't matter,
Matter that her love never died,
To him,
She became nothing,
That's exactly how she spent life feeling,
Like the Nothing that everyone thought of her to be,
Now she must pretend,
Pretend her heart is still intact,
Pretend his words didn't make her cry herself to sleep each night.
Pretend She's better and that her love too has faded and died.

Sometimes I get the urge
To grab your hand and run
To go back and fix it all
To somehow heal all our wounds
Together so that we never
Lose each other
But reality breaks
Me the harsh truth
If we lived different lives
We wouldn't be here together
We may have never met
We may not even be soul mates
As we proudly are now
So despite the urge to run
Waist deep in the past I stay
Beside you until the day I die
Where I'm safe
Where I know I truly belong.

I love you
And I say it
With sincerity
I miss you when
Your gone
And I love it
When your near
Secretly
My heart hates
All these other girls
The ones who cry on you
Because I like to do that when I'm sad
The ones who get to laugh with you
Because I envy the way they make you happy
But I am silent
Of my jealousy
So you don't think
I'm that crazy obsessive girl
Who once tried so hard
To cling to you
Like a magnet to metal
I want you
I want the rest of my life
To be spent with you
Always
Because no matter
The people
Who want us
All that matters
Is that we only want each other.

She gave me that look
Like she was disappointed
Like I was a monster
And that very look
Broke me inside
I held in my tears
But I can't change
The pain
She made me feel
Worse than I already make myself feel
Because I do that each day
Tell myself how much I hate this gut
But then I go off and eat my emotions
So what good am I now
Just a blob to the world I suppose
And I'm statistic as well
I was born with this evil nature
Your sad?
You eat
Your happy?
Celebrate with food
Your stressed?
Have some sweets
You have a craving?
Indulge yourself
I have no will power
And no one listens to me
Because I'm the worst thing
I'm a young woman
Whose overweight
Living in a judgmental world
Wishing someone would just listen
I can't do it myself
I can't do it
And I need help
Because if even my own mother
Who's imperfect
Can give me that look
If even I give myself that look
Something must be wrong
And I guess it's with me.

God has been there
Even in darkness
He listened to my prayers
And even now
He saves me from
Minor catastrophe
I have little faith
In the holy book
But for God
I have all the faith I need
He guides me to safety
He and my love
They rescue me
They try and help
My life to be
Better
They help me through
This rollercoaster of life
I was once confused about religion
What way was right to live
But now I know
None of it matters
As long as I stay true
And never stop believing
In God.

I still call out your name at night
Still look at the TV imagining you playing video games

Still talk to God about you
Still pray for you

I still don't use your drawers
I leave them empty

Things are all around me
But the room still feels empty

I still miss you

I was always unafraid
To show my love
To admit it to the world
But I was always afraid of love
Of getting hurt
Not being loved in return
Afraid I'd always be searching
But I've settled now
And while I'm still fearless
About showing my love
I'm also unafraid to love
For I've found the one
And now I know
That love, while it may be scary
Is worth all that life
May try to harm me with
For love always conquers.

I need to press my lips on yours,
To fill the space between our bodies,
I want even our tounges battling,
To feel the warmth  radiating off you,
To hold you close and not let go,
I have to show you how I feel,
I'll use these lips
Because it's the best voice I know,
I have to have you,
I have to feel you kissing me,
I need just one,
Just One Kiss.

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I loved you

If you wake up wanting me
Please know I could not stay

Falling in love with you was a blessing and curse
You are the sweetest thing I have ever known
And I am eternally thankful

But I could not stay
And face you
Knowing that you did not love me

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I miss you
And I hope you miss me

Please know
I loved you the moment we met.

Lost in dreams
Lost in reality
Lost in the past
Lost in things that didn't last
Lost in the pain
Lost in my mind;going insane
Lost in a lonely abyss
Lost, begging for a kiss
Lost in this world of fools
Lost in the guys using girls as tools
Lost in the hate
Lost in my search for an eternal mate
Lost in my search for love
Lost in my questions about what's above
Lost and I can't find my way out
Lost and so full of doubt

Not one sea or ocean
Kept us apart
The people
The roads
Long and boring
They did
But our souls
They ran
They ignored
And as we moved
Closer and closer
We finally saw
What the world
Didn't want us to see
We're soul-mates
So happy together now
Such harmony
And no one
Nothing
Can change
What we know
It's just you and me
Because we finally
Reached each other
Finally got our chance.

That girl who everyone loves

Who somehow is friends with everyone

Who everyone calls beautiful and gorgeous

Even when she styles her hair weird

That girl who has dated more guys than hours in the day

And then miraculously finds her one

I don't envy her please do not believe that

It's simply her existence and everyone's complete and utter fascination with her that baffles me

That girl creates a small vortex of hatred in my soul

And I hate her for it

Because she doesn't even realize

Because I don't like to take the time and effort it takes to hate

Because my whole life I've been all about love and it's as though without her knowledge she has tainted me.

It's just that girl...

Tease me

Until I explode

From ultimate

Sensual pleasure.

Please.

Memories,
Each one precisely burned into my mind and heart,
Days we spent together,
So many memories,
So much heartbreak,
So many perfect moments that end horribly,
You were the first to say those three words,
It's hard to believe that your the first to deny them,
We were each others first kiss,
Kissing in the rain those days,
You told me those were special moments,
Now you say they were meaningless,
Where did the love go?
Your heart can't be that cold,
Even if it is
I wouldn't mind snuggling next to it,to keep it warm,
I thought you could give me love,
I thought our love could survive anything,
It seemed to survive time and distance,
So where did the love go?
Why am I alone now,left with only the memories of what was?
You were my first love,
My first kiss,
My first eevrything,
My first heartbreak.
Where did the love go?
What happened to our hugs,
Our kisses,
Our laughter,
Our smiles?
This is the end,
And all I got
Are Memories That Haunt Me,Experiences,One Less Friend And A Broken Heart That Trusts No One.

A touch that has become poisonous,
A voice blurred by the agony of it's presence,
A feeling that makes you numb,
One long intrustion
A forcful emotion cowering.
It is evil lurking behind the penatrators eyes,
Perhaps he did not feel the squirming,
But maybe he just didn't care,
You hear of things like this but you don't it to come true,
You expect never to run your path by one of Satans dearest friends,
But he is there caressing you
Making your body shiver,
You may not think,
You may not feel,
Your soul is released for the short moments that endtrap you in Hell,
But truly all it is is a hellish reality,
You may not escape unless you are set free,
You cannot leave until the Devils dear friend is done,
You take the brutal and traumatizing moments
And you let them suffocate you,
The memories may always haunt you
But ***** it and the hellish reality that surrounds you.


He's finished and you're free to go.

For I have known
A lust so strong
That when torn apart
Could tear a already severed heart
Hath I known
I would have strayed
Ran with fright
For the lust
Has me begging
And pleading
And he is not lust worthy
So I am now stranded
Nowhere to go
But filled with desire
Yet I let it be
I let it take all of me.

I've been on the run
My whole life
I've been lost
Roaming
Hoping for sanctuary
Needing something permanent
I'm filling
Bursting with emptiness
I buried the pain
And covered it with ignorance
I avoid every flashback
Wince at every thought
Because they still remain
I'm breaking
Into complete catastrophe
I'm running
From the life
I wish I never lived

"I love you"

Words that make me soar,

Though I know they aren't true

I respond untruthfully with an

"I love you too"

I sit outside of the circle typing my words,
Thinking of my best friend and the love of my life,
Together,
I think of the person who can make it better,
But won't,
I think of the loneliness,
and I think of the agony building up in me,
And I am about ready to EXPLODE.

Even a friend
Can use you
Someone well known
Corrupted and destroyed
Coming for you
Even a friend can
Break promises
And have ill conceived
Points of reason
A friend
Can become a
Under cover enemy.

I love it
When you
Kiss me
And everyone
Is watching
Because your
Not afraid
To be seen
With me.

                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                   I love it when you hug me
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                 Like it's beeen years
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                    Since you've seen me
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                 So warm and wrapped tight.





I love it
When you
Tell me you love me
Because
I feel the vulnerbility in you
As well as myself
And when I reply
You almost always
Hug me
And then kiss me.

                                                            ­                                          
                                                                ­                                   I simply cannot determine
                                                       ­                                            What it is that I love more
                                                            ­                                         The way you hold me
                                                              ­                                        The way you kiss me
                                                              ­                                        The way you love me
                                                              ­                                         But it's okay because
                                                         ­                                              At the end of the day
                                                             ­                                               I love it all.

You
Always know
Always sense it
You see it
In my dark eyes
And you ask
What's wrong
And its then
I see how foolish
This is
I'm always upset
At nothing
So I tell you I'm fine
And I know
I will be
As long as your beside me.

I Hate the type of dreams
Where I'm once again
Degraded to a worthless *****
While all I'm doing in reality
is staying faithful to you.

The worst parts aren't
Even how I took it numb
And for absolutely worthless things
But then trying to tell myself
It'd all be okay
I didn't have to tell you
I'd forever hold in that ache
Because I couldn't lose you

Yet I know I could not keep
My tears away
When I were to meet those eyes
All evil commited would come undone
Then you'd see just how bad
Your dream girl can be.