You
Have always held my heart
That I can't deny
But one day you'll hold our child
And that
Makes me the luckiest
Girl
Because your mine
Now
And forever
My first love
My first kiss
Will become my last
And that's a love story
That's our story.

You were a addiction
A need
It seems if thoughts of you weren't flowing through me I wasn't alive
You were the pain and the joy
The bittersweet taste that lived in me
An obsession came with my love
I was in fact infatuated
I was consumed in your everything
Your name
Your memories
Hell I loved you
But it was so much more
You were the air I breathed
You were the oxygen I needed but I didn't want
I craved death and while your memories did that
They also kept me alive
Time has passed my darling and old words still ache
Broken promises still urge tears
But you are now a ending chapter
Your a part in my story but babe your not the whole **** thing
Not anymore

And this giant wave hit her
The epiphany she avoided
For so long

She wasn't happy
She was numb

She can't remember
The last time she felt loved

Can't recall the feeling of being held

Can't remember the last time
She still had a dream to pursue

It hit her like a Tsunami
Washing her away

She was the broken

She has been for a long time.

I stayed
Because
I love you
And I wanted
To prove
I could be
A good wife
Sticking with you
Through any stupidity
Or nonsense
I wanted to prove
That I'm strong enough
To leave
But crazy enough to stay
The truth is
My life
Without you is predetermined
And I fight that destiny
Telling me
It's not time yet
And that another time will be
Because I want you now
And NOTHING
Could make me want to leave you
No matter how much my heart hurts
Or how broken it becomes
It will always belong to you.

My king of winter
Not for cool exterior
But for endurance
In the cold
So warm
From head to toe
Except your hands
Which always
freeze for me
My king
If I am your queen
I cannot promise
To enjoy the cold
But I will endure through it
As long as your throne is beside mine
For all I need to survive
The snow and wind
Is your hand in mine
We'll make it
For spring is almost here
And I will guide you through.

I dream of our bodies bare...Together  uniting as one in so many perfect moments....I imagine you gently kissing me....I imagine our passion soaring in quantity.....I imagine you loving me...I imagine us saying each others names repeatedly...I imagine yelping of how I love you...I imagine us together in perfect unison...But It's only a dream...And I have to wake up....

Oh wait I get it now.


I was always beautiful
Just not beautiful enough

I was always amazing
Just not amazing enough

I was always a good lover
Just not good enough

I was just enough
For you to hold onto

To hug and make love to

To love
Just not that way.

There is a girl
who used to cry herself to sleep
cringe at the memories
the invasion of their bodies
of her own
poor girl cut herself
while images of death loomed
what fear
so lonely in such a large world
untouchable for the mere fact
that she already had been
so much pressure
she thought she'd explode
Everyone gave up on her
so cold
warmth wasn't possible
buried her head into books
tried to pretend it'd all be okay
but who was she fooling
she was broken
lost
alone
she was done.

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I loved you

If you wake up wanting me
Please know I could not stay

Falling in love with you was a blessing and curse
You are the sweetest thing I have ever known
And I am eternally thankful

But I could not stay
And face you
Knowing that you did not love me

If you wake up tomorrow
And I'm not there
Please know I miss you
And I hope you miss me

Please know
I loved you the moment we met.

Here I am,
The Ones who see me,
They see me for all the wrong reasons,
The others they just don't see me at all,
They've made me nothing,
They've made me worthless,
He was the only one to see me,
He saw me before I bothered trying,
He was the one who made me feel worthy,
Worthy of life,
When he walked away,
That love that he and I made,
The one that to this day rests in my heart,
It Stayed,
At least in my heart,
But I feel his love for me dying,
I feel myself become nothing again,
So Alone,
So Worthless,
This feeling grows each day,
Now it's near capacity,
and I feel at any moment,
I'll be that girl I was,
The one I hate,
Hate more and more each day.

God has been there
Even in darkness
He listened to my prayers
And even now
He saves me from
Minor catastrophe
I have little faith
In the holy book
But for God
I have all the faith I need
He guides me to safety
He and my love
They rescue me
They try and help
My life to be
Better
They help me through
This rollercoaster of life
I was once confused about religion
What way was right to live
But now I know
None of it matters
As long as I stay true
And never stop believing
In God.

I'm still thinking about you,
Obviously still writing about you,
But why?!
You broke my heart,
You told me you loved me,
Now your saying it was all a lie,
Your saying it all meant nothing,
But your wrong,
I thought it was real,
That's how you made it feel,
It meant everything to me,
Kissing you in the rain those days meant everything,
Our daily hugs meant everything,
Our laughs and smiles meant everything,
Our friendship meant everything,
And now I can't have you,
I can't have you as a friend or anything more,
Because you won't allow it anymore,
But why?!
Did others tell you to do this,
Because only weeks ago you told me you cared,
You said we could be friends,
And now all I'm hearing from you is ignorance,
You tell the world you never loved me,
You won't even look or speak to me,
What did I do wrong?
I still don't know,
We haven't spoke anytime recently so what could I have said
Or done to make you do this?
Why do you always haunt my every waking moment,
and destroy the moments of joy I actually have...

Sometimes I get the urge
To grab your hand and run
To go back and fix it all
To somehow heal all our wounds
Together so that we never
Lose each other
But reality breaks
Me the harsh truth
If we lived different lives
We wouldn't be here together
We may have never met
We may not even be soul mates
As we proudly are now
So despite the urge to run
Waist deep in the past I stay
Beside you until the day I die
Where I'm safe
Where I know I truly belong.

"I love you"

Words that make me soar,

Though I know they aren't true

I respond untruthfully with an

"I love you too"

That girl who everyone loves

Who somehow is friends with everyone

Who everyone calls beautiful and gorgeous

Even when she styles her hair weird

That girl who has dated more guys than hours in the day

And then miraculously finds her one

I don't envy her please do not believe that

It's simply her existence and everyone's complete and utter fascination with her that baffles me

That girl creates a small vortex of hatred in my soul

And I hate her for it

Because she doesn't even realize

Because I don't like to take the time and effort it takes to hate

Because my whole life I've been all about love and it's as though without her knowledge she has tainted me.

It's just that girl...

To my suprise I awoke beside him,
A lush man a nd a devilish smile,
He looked at me with brown eyes,
And he he whispered his love to me,
To my suprise my body cuddled close with his,
I had never felt so warm in my life,
To my suprise I felt his heartbeat,
Fast then sl;ow,
Loud then soft,
He kissed me on the cheek,
And to my suprise I smiled,
He was truly a kind man,
A man I had loved for a long time,
These were the moments I would cherish,
To my suprise I realized he was the man,
The man lying next to me was the man that I would dream of spending my life with,
And to my suprise that's who he became.

A touch that has become poisonous,
A voice blurred by the agony of it's presence,
A feeling that makes you numb,
One long intrustion
A forcful emotion cowering.
It is evil lurking behind the penatrators eyes,
Perhaps he did not feel the squirming,
But maybe he just didn't care,
You hear of things like this but you don't it to come true,
You expect never to run your path by one of Satans dearest friends,
But he is there caressing you
Making your body shiver,
You may not think,
You may not feel,
Your soul is released for the short moments that endtrap you in Hell,
But truly all it is is a hellish reality,
You may not escape unless you are set free,
You cannot leave until the Devils dear friend is done,
You take the brutal and traumatizing moments
And you let them suffocate you,
The memories may always haunt you
But ***** it and the hellish reality that surrounds you.


He's finished and you're free to go.

I hear your cruel words
As you try to explain
You mean no harm
Yet with each
Excruciating line
I feel my heart
Crack and shatter
Your telling me here
And now
You don't love me
You love her
The girl I was
But your the one who killed her
You shattered her heart too
Left her so broken
She became different
But inside
This person I am
Feels too complex
And now even I am having
An identity crisis
As for you
You stay
And so do I
Because there is a love
A passion
A complete disaster
Yet so undeniably meant to be
We've been through hell
To get here
To be together
So we will stay because
Our love is trapped.

I'm sometimes afraid
That the best choice
Is to let you go
But I need you
My love keeps me
Trapped here.

Sometimes I like this cage
Because your there.

You never cared,
I was only your game,
Seems like you've won,
Was this your master plan
Tearing my world apart?!
You heartless *******,
I wish I never met you,
***** the good memories
They all lead to this disaster,
You've made me weak far too long,
No longer will I love you!
I can't continue to watch as my world falls apart,
Even if it's already begun,
and nearly impossible to stop,
I'll try,
I always try,
But so often do I fail,
I still try to put on my brave face and pretend it's all okay,
But isn't obvious how I'm dying inside?
My heart is now old and weary,
Useless for loving,
Impossible for being loved,
Are you proud?!
You ruined my life,
and if I am never happy again the only person I'll blame,
Is YOU.

Somewhere
In the thick vines
I have found new life
And he breathed into me
And suddenly
I remembered
The sweetness in simple things
In sunsets
In being wrapped in warmth
In smiling
Somewhere
Past the thorns
The blood and pain
I have found
A new beginning
And it will be great
And it will be forever.

I love you
And I'm human
Despite the fact
That I use to say
I was born
In venus
So yeah
I make mistakes
And no I'm not perfect
Even if in your eyes I am
I'm not
I love you
And even when I cry
I love you
And I know I don't always
Act like I do
But I do
And you mean more to me
Than anything
And I'm sorry
For every time I hurt you
And I wish each night
You were here to tuck me in
But I'm patient
We've lived a miserable life apart
And I hope we never have to bare that again
I love you
And darling
You've always had my heart.

I love it
When you
Kiss me
And everyone
Is watching
Because your
Not afraid
To be seen
With me.

                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                   I love it when you hug me
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                 Like it's beeen years
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                    Since you've seen me
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                 So warm and wrapped tight.





I love it
When you
Tell me you love me
Because
I feel the vulnerbility in you
As well as myself
And when I reply
You almost always
Hug me
And then kiss me.

                                                            ­                                          
                                                                ­                                   I simply cannot determine
                                                       ­                                            What it is that I love more
                                                            ­                                         The way you hold me
                                                              ­                                        The way you kiss me
                                                              ­                                        The way you love me
                                                              ­                                         But it's okay because
                                                         ­                                              At the end of the day
                                                             ­                                               I love it all.

I was always unafraid
To show my love
To admit it to the world
But I was always afraid of love
Of getting hurt
Not being loved in return
Afraid I'd always be searching
But I've settled now
And while I'm still fearless
About showing my love
I'm also unafraid to love
For I've found the one
And now I know
That love, while it may be scary
Is worth all that life
May try to harm me with
For love always conquers.

She called me strong

How wrong she was

I can still see my scars

They sting sometimes

Just to remind me

I was weak

I still am

I heal just to be reopened

Torn apart again and again

There are wounds you do not see

But that I feel

I fight

But it doesn't mean I always win

No one can win all the time

Everyone is weak sometimes

I'm sorry to tell you

That your pain

Will remain

And if it does go

It will return

Suffering

Is a part of life

Being weak

Is a part of being human

We can't be strong all the time

And for now we'll remain

The weaklings that we are

We remain

Alive

And that is our greatest feat towards strength

We'll go on.

We'll survive.

I remember when we met
In that alleyway
And I kissed you
And my collapsed soul
Was reflated
When I fell in love
All over again
When I wanted you
Wanted you forever
And nearly cried
Because of my fear
That I couldn't have you
I remember kissing you
Because it was
The perfect kiss

We kissed with passion
We kissed with all of our hearts
We kissed like our lips were made for each other.

Let me see
Your internal
Wounds
So I may
Heal them
As you
Are healing mine.

I wish
You were here
To hold my hand
And tell me
Everything
Will be okay
Because without you
I'm not sure I believe it
When I tell myself.

Tease me

Until I explode

From ultimate

Sensual pleasure.

Please.

I appreciate the little things, or at least I try to
Like the way your warm when I'm cold
And cold when I'm warm
Or the way you make fun of me
Because when we hold hands
I don't always lay my fingers against your hand
I love the way you kiss my cheek
And tickle me with your stubble
The way you look at me when you want me
The good morning and goodnight texts
How 5 days a week
Your outside my house at 6 a.m.
I appreciate that I have you in my life
Because I love you
And I never wanna live without you again

I need to press my lips on yours,
To fill the space between our bodies,
I want even our tounges battling,
To feel the warmth  radiating off you,
To hold you close and not let go,
I have to show you how I feel,
I'll use these lips
Because it's the best voice I know,
I have to have you,
I have to feel you kissing me,
I need just one,
Just One Kiss.

Jolted awake as always
But then I see
Your body
Lying beside mine
And it all seems
Perfect
Every moment
In my life that I've
Suffered feels
So worth him
My future husband
The man whom I
Could not bare life without
My heart settles into this peaceful image
Of his arms wrapped around me
And never letting go
And then I sink deeper and the image of us holding
Our childs hand comes back to my mind
And it just all seems
So
Perfect
Life with you is
All I could have ever wanted.


You are my dream come true.

You are
THE WORST
Tease
I have ever known.

EVER.

I Hate the type of dreams
Where I'm once again
Degraded to a worthless *****
While all I'm doing in reality
is staying faithful to you.

The worst parts aren't
Even how I took it numb
And for absolutely worthless things
But then trying to tell myself
It'd all be okay
I didn't have to tell you
I'd forever hold in that ache
Because I couldn't lose you

Yet I know I could not keep
My tears away
When I were to meet those eyes
All evil commited would come undone
Then you'd see just how bad
Your dream girl can be.

I remember when I would dream of you,
It use to make my heart ache,
If I dream of you now,
It probably still would,
Not because I want you,
But because the dreams remind me,
Remind me of all that we had,
Everything that has turned to dust,
All the words,
All lies!
They broke me so quickly,
They forced me to runaway,
Run to my dreamland,
I tried to make the pain fade,
But all it did was stay,
You will always be my heart-breaker,
I can't change it,
And maybe you can't either.

I can't help it,
Every time I think about you I smile,
I love it,
Yet I hate it,
I could so easily fall for you
But all you want is a little fun
All I want is love,
I should run from you,
But whenever you hug me or whenever you touch me,
My body feels so exhilarated,
It wants you,
My heart is starting to ache for you,
For your lips,
To snuggle with you,
to bury my head in your chest and whisper
how I'm falling for you,
My hearts re-building itself,
Only to be broken,
Broken by you,
Because a guy like you could never love me,
Never love me like I'm starting to love you.

Lost in dreams
Lost in reality
Lost in the past
Lost in things that didn't last
Lost in the pain
Lost in my mind;going insane
Lost in a lonely abyss
Lost, begging for a kiss
Lost in this world of fools
Lost in the guys using girls as tools
Lost in the hate
Lost in my search for an eternal mate
Lost in my search for love
Lost in my questions about what's above
Lost and I can't find my way out
Lost and so full of doubt

Even a friend
Can use you
Someone well known
Corrupted and destroyed
Coming for you
Even a friend can
Break promises
And have ill conceived
Points of reason
A friend
Can become a
Under cover enemy.

Ancient loves killed,
New ones go uncreated,
Trapped by the abyss of lonliness,
There is no freedom here,
This is a judgemental place,
Love is not free,
There is always a darkness we don't see.

Everything falls to pieces,
These pieces no longer fit,
They no longer wish to belong,
Love is the evil running through me,
Hate is in each breath and beating of my heart,
I will be forgotten,
These stories will be abandoned,
There will be no end.

She gave me that look
Like she was disappointed
Like I was a monster
And that very look
Broke me inside
I held in my tears
But I can't change
The pain
She made me feel
Worse than I already make myself feel
Because I do that each day
Tell myself how much I hate this gut
But then I go off and eat my emotions
So what good am I now
Just a blob to the world I suppose
And I'm statistic as well
I was born with this evil nature
Your sad?
You eat
Your happy?
Celebrate with food
Your stressed?
Have some sweets
You have a craving?
Indulge yourself
I have no will power
And no one listens to me
Because I'm the worst thing
I'm a young woman
Whose overweight
Living in a judgmental world
Wishing someone would just listen
I can't do it myself
I can't do it
And I need help
Because if even my own mother
Who's imperfect
Can give me that look
If even I give myself that look
Something must be wrong
And I guess it's with me.

Ignore the
Harsh words
And please
Lavish yourself
In the good ones
Never ignore
The words
"I love you "
Because I tell you
Every time I can
Don't listen
To my words
From the past
Because not all
Of them are sweet
Darling
Just know
No matter what I say
Or what I do
No matter what happens with you
Or me
My love for you
Will live on forever.

It was like he threw her away,
Like all she was,was a worthless piece of trash,
Did he forget?
Forget all the glorious memories they shared,
They began as friends,
Then somewhere between all their laughs,
All their smiles,
Their jokes,
Their happiness,
They fell,
Fell for one another,
Until his love faded,
And for him It didn't matter,
Matter that her love never died,
To him,
She became nothing,
That's exactly how she spent life feeling,
Like the Nothing that everyone thought of her to be,
Now she must pretend,
Pretend her heart is still intact,
Pretend his words didn't make her cry herself to sleep each night.
Pretend She's better and that her love too has faded and died.

My apologies my dearest love,
I know I am not the prettiest,
I know I am not the smartest,
I know I am not athletic,
Nor am I comical,
But my darling love,
You have to see,
I will give you love even if you give hate,
I will kiss you on demand,
I will hug you even as you turn away,
I will hold your hand when you are afraid,
But my apologies my darling heart breaker,
I am sorry that I have love to give that you do not want,
I am sorry things have changed and your feelings are not the same,
My dearest love,
My darling hearty breaker,
My apologies.


(For all that I feel and all that I give.)

You
Always know
Always sense it
You see it
In my dark eyes
And you ask
What's wrong
And its then
I see how foolish
This is
I'm always upset
At nothing
So I tell you I'm fine
And I know
I will be
As long as your beside me.