we watched the sunset  
over the castle on the hill

i was born to the rain
and yet still i find myself
drowning
in a sea
my storms
have created.

you’re losing your words
we’re speaking in bodies

highkey care too much
lowkey tryna hide it from you

home isn't where you are it's who you're with and did

you are the blue

in the grey ocean

she is never there
ghost lover extraordinaire
kiss nothing but air

the hardest walls to climb
are the ones we build ourselves

It's amazing how two people can be so perfect for each other, but they're both too scared to get hurt that they don't do anything about it..

bitten nails
wet ink
clicked pen
cigar smoke
closed eyes
withered flowers
we all die in the end

she locks herself in her room,
closing all the curtains and
whispering to herself,

"why did you have to leave?"

she walks toward her desk
and opens the bottom drawer
and it reveals a
                           razor

she carefully lifts it
and whispers into
darkness


                       *"only for you, my love"

"take your time but please tell me the secret on how to be better. I am the night sky and a dimly lit room all in the same sentence and I don’t really know where to put the period. some days I am better and I’m here with this abundance of love in my heart and the other days I am all alone and no way to cope with the sadness. give me the grass stained jeans and give me the love I used to feel but not while in the arms of others. I’m not alone but sometimes I am. let me learn how to cope with the bad days and let me learn how to find comfort in my own arms and my own bed and then I swear I can give them the best parts of me after that. let me learn how to feel innocent and lovely again. let me learn how to heal again. let me learn."

nobody ever fins
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

do you remember
the night we drove
out into the inked darkness
until the hum of the city
evaporated into contrails streaked above us
like some ******* canvas
that night i looked up at the sky
and its infinite display and i said,
"doesn't it make you feel better to
know that you're made of stardust?"
and you laughed quietly and replied
"you'd rather be up there, wouldn't you?"
and i think that's when you knew
i would be always tripping over things
because the ground didn't interest me
in the slightest.

it's hard to admit that
maybe we were on
different paths, and
maybe they were
never supposed to
cross.

a hundred days,
a hundred ways
to die.

a hundred days,
a hundred ways
to say goodbye.

a hundred days,
a hundred kisses,

a hundred
loving sighs.

a hundred days,
a hundred poems
about you;

about you,
and i.

my eyes are rain clouds
they’re stormy
and I’m tired
of tears falling

wish you called one more time
it’s raining. it’s pouring.
it’s 3 am in the morning
and I just need you by my side

YOU USED TO BE THE ONLY THING
THAT MADE ME HAPPY
BUT NOW I CANT EVEN
LOOK AT YOU

eat me slowly with your kisses

people are afraid of me because I'm different

you said you liked storms,
so i let you in.

turns out you can only handle
a little rain,


                                                                                                and i am a
                                                                                                             hurricane

i spent my whole life trying to be this and look like this. and guess what? I’m not this

you know what,
at one point
he probably did
love you back
but he was just
a boy
lacking courage,
inferior to pride,
silent of words,
and
stagnant with change,
both too afraid
to embark on opportunity,
to embrace life.
so life flew by
and together you died
while alone
you lived.

stop asking if

i'm okay

i'm tired of lying

​
how can you say you know me
when you’ve only seen my skin
and not the untamed world i hide
thats growing deep within
you haven’t heard my ribs all creak
behind each plaited vine
or swum beneath the waterfall
that cascades down my spine
you’ve not been here for long enough
to watch a new life start
or find the run-down cattle
lying just inside my heart
you haven’t climbed the branches
that are wrapped around each lung
swaying with the breezes
that come dancing past my tongue
don’t mark me with your footprints
if you plan to leave soon
and only want to know me
when my plants are in bloom
because the birdsong might be pretty
but its not for you they sing
and if you don’t think my winter is too cold
you don’t deserve my spring

“sea gulls! so far from the sea”

“ah, but how far are you from yourself?”

it hurts
    to know
that you 




                 will never 
                       look at me
                 the way
                     i look at 
                               you

​
ITS OK TO LEAVE HIM IF HE HURTS YOU
ITS OK TO LEAVE HIM IF HE HURTS YOU
ITS OK TO LEAVE HIM IF HE HURTS YOU
*IT IS OK TO LEAVE HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM

you remind me
.       define me
.       incline me

if you died
I'd.

my friend told me
today that i might
have something
called,

       (n)     Pocrescophobia.

which means the fear of gaining weight.

i always had a
problem with
eating. i never
wanted to eat
that much,
because i was
always worrying
if i would get fat.

i'm 173 cm tall
but i weigh less
than 50 kg.

people say i'm underweight

but to me, i'm heavy.  
                         fat.

you guys might think
that it's sick for me to
think that way but it's
the way i am. i just
watch my weight a lot.

it's not that i'm anorexic
or anything like that, it's
just i watch my weight
really carefully so i don't
go over a certain amount
of kg.

just putting it out there but
if you have the same problem,

you're not the only one.

i feel like I'm falling through the air, like I'm weightless, falling down, down
falling through a bottomless pit.  no one is there to catch me'
or stop me from falling. i just keep going down, down, down.
come to think of it, i had a dream like that yesterday.
my dreams are weird. i don't feel scared or anything
i feel free when i dream like I'm in another dimension, another world.  where i can be myself, and not follow rules.
i don't have to worry about people judging me.

you got to keep your
head up

my parents and i had
a conversation about
my grandmother.

she had passed away
two years ago because
of breast cancer.

she had suffered through
breast cancer once before
and survived but when
she got it again, she was
weaker.

the saddest thing was
that at the same time,
her daughter was asking
her for her money.
            her money.

because she didn't have
enough to make herself
happy.

her son visited her when
he could and helped her
when she needed it.

but it wasn't enough.

because while her daughter
was asking her for money,
her son didn't pay attention
to her feelings. no one did.

she started to lose the will
to live. the motivation to live.

she chose death.
she chose death over life.

she chose death because
there was no point of living.

she chose death because
nothing was getting better.

i miss my grandma.

what if he
stares at you
every time
you look away

you said i
was a
beautiful
red rose

but you
pricked me
with your
sharp thorns

and left me
here, without
help, or friend

you left me
bleeding,

you left me
here to                                                                                                      *die

"i believe that
your soul

and my soul

are
very

old friends."

im curious.  im just curious to what it feels like.  im curious to what pain feels like.  im curious to what love feels like.  love is not always happy, sappy, romance.  but its also not always sad, depressing romance either.  its a mixture of both.  and i wonder and am curious to what it feels like to stumble upon love and wander through it like an adventure that is waiting to be discovered.  love that has not yet been identified.  love that hasnt been touched.  i am curious about love, despite the pain or stress that might catch or grasp me along the way.  i am curious about how to love someone.  how to share the connection as one might call it.  how to be loved.