I want all of you
I want your messy morning hair
Your sleepy smiles
Your tired eyes
Your sloppy kisses
I want to wake up with your arms around me
I want to wake up warm from your body heat
I want all of you
I want your soft pajama pants
I want your smell on my linen sheets
Your hand in mine
Your soft touch
Your anxieties and tangled thoughts.
I want to get up with you
I want your toothpaste lips
I want to watch you while you pick out your clothes
I want to watch you as you get ready
I want all of you.
I want your scrambled eggs in my tummy
Your freshly squeezed orange juice on my table
Your hum in my kitchen while you cook
Your silly morning things
I want a whole bunch of magnetic poetry words on our fridge
I want to see the silly things you put together
I want to see all the lovey things you wrote
I want all of you
I want to curl up with you
I want to lay by the fire
I want to paint our minds on the walls
I want all of you
Your warm kisses
Your fingers
Your skin so smooth
I want your passion
Your skin running against mine
Your fingers roaming
Your lips tracing
Your mind yearning
Your heart racing
Your exaggerated breaths
I want to be with you
I want to do things and know your mine
I want you to tell me everyday how much you need me, in person
I want to lay with you and watch movies all day
I want to lay under warm blankets and drink cocoa
I want to feel you touch me
I want to feel our two souls becoming one, our hearts beating in rhythm
I want to go on adventures
I want all of you
Your curiosities
Your wonders
Your fascinations
Your skills
I want to discover every inch of you
I want to conquer amazing things with you.
I want to hold your hand every day while we drive
I want to kiss you in the rain while we stop to watch it fall
I want all of you
Your ways of making me smile
Your ways of comforting me
Your beautiful eyes and your beautiful words
I want to shop with you
Picking out our favorite foods
Dancing through the isles
I want all of you
The way you pick out soaps
The way you push the cart
The way you gently place sodas to keep them from fizzing
The way you hand the cashier money
The way you politely give her a smile and make small talk
I want to spend every second with you by my side.
I want all of you
I want the way you sing to music in the car
Your walks
Your jumps
Your skips
Your hops
I want to dance with you at random times
I want to know that you care about me
I want all of you
The way you stick up for me
The way you do what I want
The way you're always there.
I want to go home and catch you staring at me while I'm sitting in our chair reading
I want to feel you kiss me randomly
I want to feel you lean against me
I want to know that I'll never lose you.
I want all of you.
The way you look when your scared
Your nerves
Your happiness
Your shakes
Your ponders
I want to garden with you.
I want to rake and **** with you
I want to watch you work and wonder how you became mine
The way you tenderly water plants
The way you pull weeds right from the roots
I want all of you
Your ***** hands
Your sweaty pores
Your delicious produce
Your never ending breaths
Your sunburnt nose
I want all of you
I want to cook dinner with you
I want to sit outside listening to crickets while I watch you grill
I want to talk to you when you chop vegetables
I want to set the table for two
I want to light candles and turn on music
I want all of you
The way you tenderly mix foods
Your ways of buttering breads
The condensation on your water glass
Your fork clinking
Your way of  making me laugh
The way you talk about your day even if I was there
I want to clean up with you
Washing dishes with your hands on my hips
I want to wipe the table and look at you
I want you to be my encouragement
I want to go for a drive to the beach
I want to hold your hand as we watch the sunset
I want all of you
Your glistening eyes in the sun
Your breath as you talk closely to me
Your giggles
Your frustrations
I want to put my feet in the water and feel you follow me
I want to wave goodbye to the sun, knowing it wouldn't matter if it came back or not, because I'd have you.
I want to listen to seagulls with you
I want you to tell me stories
I want all of you
Your creativity
Your needs
Your wants
Your pleasures
I want you to build a sand castle with me when the orangey glow of the sun is still around.
I want to go get ice cream with you
I want all of you
Your ice cream on your face
Your napkin hands
Your chilly tongue
I want to go home and do laundry with you
I want your way of separating darks from lights
Your clothes intermixed with mine
Your socks
Your detergent
Your breaths as you pick up socks
The way your fingers seem to dance as you fold clothes
I want to fall asleep with you
I want to crawl into the same bed as you
I want to lay on your chest
I want you to play with my hair and sing me sweet words
I want you, all of you
Your heart beating in my ear
Your closeness
Your hands tracing my bare skin
I want to kiss you before falling asleep.
I want to know you're right there with me
I want to trace hearts on your skin
I want to share cold feet and fluffy feather blankets
I want all of you
Your dreams
Your snores
Your beautiful eyelids
Your limp muscles
Your head soft on my pillow
I want all of you.
I don't just want you, I need you.

Sometimes I love you and it's just
Painful
Too painful for me to continue
For me to fathom what's wrong
For me to discern reality from illusions
For me to comprehend your lies.

Sometimes I hate you and it just
*****
Yeah, I said it. Hating you
*****.
Because life is a lie, love is a lie,
My hate for you is a lie-
Or is it the truth?
I don't know anymore.

Sometimes I ignore you and it's just
Pure
Bliss
I close my eyes and ignore you
I clap my hands over my ears
Pretend I don't hear you
Pretend I don't see you
Pretend I don't feel you
Like I did that night
Which was sprinkled with stars like
Icing
Icing on a cupcake.

Sometimes I remember you and it's just
Horrifying
Two conflicting emotions of deep within battle
Fight to seek dominance and reassurance
Your love nauseates me and excites me
Because I remember drunken words full of poisoned love
And I recall your touch that used to heal
But now it burns and forever it will hurt
It burns and flares greater than any cursed fire.

Sometimes I love you, and hate you
Sometimes I ignore you, and remember you
And life isn't what it used to be
It's no longer a fairytale
It holds no dram of mercy
And love for you is so conflicting
So contradicting, so confusing
Like yin and yang or something more
Faded lines, blurred lies and tear-streaked whispers...

Sometimes, I think that
Me
Loving
You
Isn't that worthwhile anymore.

I don't like this
Life without you
Is unbearable
I miss you
I need you
I wish you were here
To hold me
To make love to me
To just be close to me
Because I love you.

So much.

There's apathy
And sympathy
Sarcasm
And atrophy
A pair of jeans
Extremely torn
A set of eyes
Both cold and warm
I hug you when
I have to go
You hug me back
Please don't let go
I'm scared that you
Will dislike me
Please fall in love
*Fall in love with me

And I'm getting scared again
because nothing seems beautiful
except for you and the
other things in life I cannot have.
And I wish I could see pretty things once more
because all I've seen for weeks
is life through my tear filled eyes.
And I hate myself again
because the way I see others
is not the way I see myself.
Because I am the flood
that destroys the flowers.
I am forever this horrible emptiness
that misses everything.
My thighs will always be too wide
and my thoughts and weight will always be too heavy.
When they told me in third grade that I needed
my vision checked, I wish they
had told me about this too.
For my vision is not just blurry, it is fogged
and broken and unclear.
I am broken and blurry with a foggy mind
with a heart full of love for everyone I see
but a mind full of disgust for the person viewing them pass.

Tea and cup, ready,
Birds in garden weaving dream,
Kettle wakes, calling.