The demons got too loud
and then became too quiet.
It’s hard to fight an attacker from behind.
It’s hard to get rid of all the monsters that stay on my mind.
If I said I wish I had never met you
I would be lying.
Everything hurts and feeling your memories is the sharpest blade I’ve ever endured.
I wish you had stayed and I wish you had the capability to love me.
Maybe we’re all just broken machines who lack the parts that make them whole.
All I know is that for a little while, you made me feel whole.
We became the silhouettes of the dreams
we woke up in the middle of.
The memories of us live behind my eyelids.
I cannot sleep without dreams of you.
I cannot blink without visions of you.
And we're all just hiding underneath the wreckage of the last thing that broke our hearts
and we are all just trying to turn the trauma into a triumph
even when we know body bags and tombstones await us,
we fight for some unspoken promise a lover once told our hearts.
You and I form every constellation
when I look at the sky.
You are my north star and
I just want to come home.
I remember the way you got lost in my words
and the way you would muffle your tears
or fight them back.
I remember the call that day by the pool
and diving in after we had ended it.
Just a few weeks later you were calling again
and you were needing me again because you had never stopped.
Maybe I should be content with the second chance we got
but I never will be.
I will keep biting my lip every time I'm about to cry
and I will keep hating that night you walked away slowly and
we were forced to say our goodbyes.
I still remember how that air smelled and how in love with your laugh
I already was.
I'm sorry we're here now and I wish I didn't still love the way you flirt with me
because it's left me empty and nauseous,
reeling for everything we were meant to be.