I admit
I am pathetically in love with you
Frightful it might be irrevocable
Girl pining away for someone whom she's invisible to
The oldest story in the book

I pale in comparison to all the others
I know, I get it
Not aesthetically gifted
Perhaps if you had taken a peek into my soul
You'd have found how stunning it is

I grow more delusional by the day
envisioning how your hazels would sparkle
When halation encircles you in auroras fluorescence

I am wrecking my brain
Trying to sound profound
Words splattered on a page are all I have to offer sometimes
Verbalisation fails me
I suppose I'll have to be content with this unembellished declaration
( which you will never see)
It feels organic anyway
I am plucking all this from the bottom of my heart

As I force these feelings to wither away
I attempt to convince myself that this was just perhaps an inflated crush
I am saddened by thoughts of what could have been
It burns
The catalyst I need to move on is my acceptance of the fact that even though we live under the same sun
the problem is, it doesn't cast the same shadow

Deleted poem

I am afraid
Of what I'll become
When the darkness departs
If it stays
I am afraid
Whom it is
I'll run towards

I know you when you delicately stitch the fragments of your unbecoming
When everyone else is reaching is reaching for the sun
I know you when you ache to swallow it
When you rip through yourself
Searching for the skeleton key
That will quieten the longing
The cure
Vague, elusive
I know you when your love is sacrificial, ******, clingy but real.

A flickering speck of light
Held together by transient
Moments of euphoria
A concept
The illusory consumed

The raging sea
Invading
My deflated spirits
In waves,
Tidal
Awakener
Of discarded sentiment

Poetry strung of
Thoughts of you
Your halo
And the grandeur
In which you swim
The alchemy impelling
The birth of ardent need
Unfathomable, unbridled
Altering sleep patterns

Find beauty in my madness
Pierce my fragmentary blue
To paint me a velvet sky.

Regret slithering in
Toxic waste
Sitting on my lungs
Truth corroding convictions
Suffering for my ideals
Stifled screams drowning out
In the aftermath
As vermilion trickles
From the vacant heart.

Deflated euphoria
Enveloped in the evening glow
The drone of the tooth
And nail battle to be
whirring down to silence
Beholding the glory
Of your hazels
Artificial gaiety
Awakens
Vicarious thrills
Emoting through you.

Eons ago

The red that pulsed

Through my veins

Turned into ice

I have been standing in a corner

Facing a wall

Perfecting the art of

Who gives a ****.

Will you say to them
when I'm gone
I loved your daughter
For the fire on her tongue
arms flung open
the devotion in her bones, still.

Laboured breaths
The deafening silence
Choosing so delicately opaque words
Strung of frail prospect
Fortifying the ease of hurt

I have seen what the darkness does
When love rears it’s ugly head
That staggered gait
Hands clasped with mine
Resolute in your ambiguity
But you left that night
When the you I knew, withered.

You traverse this world
In search of the one
Who might be your redeemer
The bringer of light and calm
There is no enduring refuge in others
You have to start your own fires

After all is said and done
And the inspirational excerpts
Have been read and absorbed
The cognitive dissonance seeked
The cheap thrills and the sharp edges
The exploits to distances
Far from home
Nothing can save you from yourself Except you.

Sometimes

Clutching the guts of life
Burning an effigy of former selves
All this raw fervour pulsating
Through and through
To want the blood dark
The alchemy of madness

Sometimes

Delicate, illuminating
Neither gentleness nor fragility
But grace
The unruffled color of pearl
How are you both these women?

His name lives
In between panic ragged breaths
The essence of man
Perfection,
I will never hold
In my trembling arms
He is the wavering ocean
I am just a pebble
In a still pond.

Dispassionate heart
Summoning the chill
A skeleton of your former self
Domiciled within
These impediments

Panic prone
Arguing with fate

Weary of your blue
For how long will you
Linger in the shadows

your daughter is an animal
uncontainable
She spends too much time
digging out the dirt
in her fingernails
Your daughter is too overbearing
she reeks of calamity's foreboding
her blood
soaked in dirt
your daughter scares other daughters
and sons away
her arms are too flung open
her blood and bone too sacrificial
clutching on
to hems of trousers
The quivering hands
She holds a pit in her belly
carries fire on the tip
of her tongue
burning the land and the foundations
on which she stands
Yet she worries about the visibility of her difference

As the dark shadows chant sacrificial hymns
Unfazed, a psychotic smile planted on my face
I drink from the cup of death
Cold steel claws rip out my innards and my soul

Yours, just one more for the fire.