it’ll always be he said she said
he says
he’ll always be there for you
but when she says
your friend sexually assaulted me
all of a sudden it’s
“he would never do that”
“he’s so against that ****”
“he’s not like that”
guess i was wrong
when i belived you were my friend

before you i never knew
how it felt to be truly loved
unapologetically myself
you accept me for who i am
and i love you for all of your flaws
and all of your perfections

the bottle seemed ordinary enough
plastic, white, innocent

but I when I looked away
I could hear its contents whispering

softly at first

wewouldloveforyoutodrinkus
pleaseanna?weknowyouneedus

my eyes bored harder into my hands
why are they shaking

they heard us
Louder this time

Youstupidfuckingwhoreyouknowyouneedusyoucantignoreusforever­

A single drop of weakness falls into my palm

They scream like the tourted souls in hell

now!youresofuckingweakyouresofuckingstupidyouneedusandyoukn­owityoureadissappointmentyourenothingyouleteveryonedownyouruinede­verythingyoudontbelonginyourfamily

Finally my wet eyes meet the bottle

I read as if I didn't already know
Liquid Morphine

The voices become a single whisper

youdeservedwhathedidtoyou

Suddenly everything is clear

DrinkMe
Commands the voices

I obey


if only I was in wonderland

And thats when i realized
I was losing myself
That part of me
that edulged in sunlight rays
Late night reads and
lazy days
I kissed out of passion
never boredom
and prefer heartbreak
over loneliness
Life had a meaning
written in leather binded
journals and sparkly red ink
It was soft to the touch
and smelled of lemony
citrus
It did not make a sound
Yet it had a voice so beautiful
it made your mind
crash like tidal waves
against your skull
My mind now is nothing
but decay
what it once was seemed
to never exist
not a sign left behind
no emptiness
as if it had never been filled
The nothingness now something
and it was numbing to feel
That want to feel
literally anything
was now a desire to feel nothing
like an empty tv screen
buzzing alone 4:35 at night

Abyss.

I heard you say

My name

I looked up

Expecting to meet your gaze

But they weren’t eyes.

They were oceans.

Salty Blues

Seaweed greens

A pale hint of sand

Cracking through the seams

Oh and the waves.

Pushing and pulling

Flooding my soul

Suffocating me

Stealing my breath

I didn’t even gasp for air

I just let go.

Drowning

Sinking

Dancing

Weightlessly

Floating through the abyss.

Waiting to be

Still forever

Finding rest

On the ocean floor.

i crave you
like i crave this cigarette
hooked to you like nicotine
take a few drags off of your lips
i never want to quit

my mind is full of things
that will never reach the surface
all piled up
in the bottomless pit of my brain
memories that shake my core
feelings that will make me crumble
into a million little pieces
the feeling of nothingness
can be quite lovely
when i feel everything so deeply
once in awhile
everything comes flooding back
like waves
crashing violently onto a rocky shore