Take one step back
into the space behind
the busy street filled with tears,
filled with mirrors, and all mine.

Stand, or sit, or lay and be there
with Eyes listening, Ears watching,
and no-thing between here and now,
and a time with words - then and how.

Can you taste the sounds of random melody?
Eighth notes galloping across the wild plains
forced to abdicate their very nature
and, instead, liquify to pure impurity...

Sense is chucked and the tin lid slammed.
Reverberation echoes with concentric chaos.
The end of life is strung tight
and bound and tuned with nothing but sweet loss.

The prelude, which this proves to be,
is forever without a name.
Buzzing with streams of liquid dreams,
transparent with eyes all the same.

Fear holds us back
It controls us,
paralyzes us,
and destroys us.
We can try to stop it,
ignore it,
or fix it.

Yes, we battle with ourselves, and will someday break through

So why must others battle with us too?

"It's all in your head...Just get over it...Everyone is afraid of something, and you need to stop worrying...Just do what everyone else does:  Ignore it."

Well since when did family mean rejection and abrasiveness?
When did it become okay to belittle psychological pain?
Why must there be a battle with you before the war with myself?

I need to know that you genuinely care.  
And I fear that I mean little to you.

O my conscience,
immerse your  laments in my shoulder ..
i stroked it every longing grating your beautiful hair ..
i listened to the sound of the breath right conscience little sob ..

i held my conscience,
my beautiful and cheerful absorb the whole silenced ..
i'll understand your silence and every beautiful ..
and I'll put out any smoldering of your jealousy ..
i'll treat it every charm your referral..

just lets you to know,
when incandescent embers of passion vibrate our body ..
a longing,
faint creeping expanse of our memories ..
miss you,
hurling beautiful memories in a serenity..

and among the writhing of our body while longing crave to possessed ..
that love is the inner desire ...*

┈┈┈┈»̶·̵̭̌✽✽·̵̭̌«̶  ƦУ  »̶·̵̭̌✽✽·̵̭̌«̶┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

oh nuraniku,
benamkanlah nestapa keluh kesahmu dipundakku ..
kan kubelai kisi kisi kerinduan disetiap helai rambut indahmu..
kan kudengarkan deru nafas yang mengisak suara hati kecilmu..

kan kudekap nuraniku,
dan kuresapi indah cerita yang luruh terbungkam..
dan kupahami setiap diammu yang cantik..
dan kupadamkan setiap cermburumu yang membara..
kan kumanjakan setiap pesona rujukanmu

ketahuilah,
saat pijar bara gairah bergetar ditubuh kita..
sebuah kerinduan,
sayup merayapi hamparan kenangan kita..
merindukanmu,
melontarkan indahnya kenangan dalam kehampaan..

dan diantara menggelinjangnya tubuh kita saat dirasuki kerinduan ..
bahwa cinta adalah nurani kerinduan...

i always romanticize
those past moments of
what i believe was
untainted happiness
because i am stuck in
the discontent of the
present moment, but
i'm always discontent
in the present moment
because i romanticize
those past moments
of what i believe was
untainted happiness.
i try to take life by the
throat but i don't have
the energy, and i don't
have the energy because i
have been trying to
take life by the throat.

i'm stuck in a cycle.
i am a fallen creature
and no amount of
effort or escape will
ever change the fact
of my dissatisfaction

but maybe i need
to give up and
accept that i am
dissatisfied, then
and maybe then
will i become
satisfied.

The low yellow
moon above the
Quiet lamplit house.

Have the faith to move on.
One oppurtunity to make a change.
Persistance to keep going.
E**very time you cry know there is always a reason why.

when i say i don't need you
what i mean is
i could need you
if you chose to want me to

but how do i tell you
there are little dead girls
rotting like black pebbles
in my ovaries
and i'm still scavenging for the gold
trapped inside burn crusted skins
determined to pull every survivor from
the tomb before the world shifts beneath me again
and lava eats away at the bedrock

i can't let you be the next explosion
that crunches through
my chest and floods it's way
into the cavities of my armor
how do i say this and not come off harsh?
i have **** to do
i can walk with you but i can't walk for you
and i won't walk because of you
unless you walk because of me

if you let go
of my arm and instead
held my hand
if you would look at my eyes
instead of the door
because i'm sitting right here
in front of you, just waiting
for the moment
when you finally notice
i'm not manipulating or planning
i'm not waiting to crush you

i'm not doing anything to you at all
except hoping that you'll
look me in the face
and ask how my day was
and genuinely want to know
and actually listen to what i say
you will notice
you like me a lot better

i still stay up most nights
because sleep ran away
with the part of me that's missing
but i don't imagine that it's with you
because you will not be allowed
to take the valuable bits of me
if you just feel like sampling

and i don't run along fault lines anymore
searching for where the destruction begins
i don't think of you when i'm sad
because i won't allow any person the power
to shift my entire life into collapse

it's too easy to hand me a weapon
and think i won't use it because we all love ourselves
too much to do that, you're making the assumption
that all human beings feel like human beings,
and that's a dangerous thing

you see we all taste our feelings
a bit differently. sword swallowing
is something i do every single day
every muscle in my body is torn
every secret is ripped open and displayed

i feel nothing inside me is sacred
and now i am truly dispensable
but in that, i've found peace
i am nothing, i am guilty of this
but in that silence
there is only freedom
a blank page waiting to be punctured
with only the most carefully cultivated thoughts and feelings

and in the process of decay i have become everything
have been everything at least once
and even through my anger i understand
the people i truly hate
and even through my adoration i see the flaws
in the people i truly love

this is not to tell you i think you are a bad person
but you're a person who would hand me swords
just to see what i would do with them
because you live for yourself, alone
and you're a scary type of person for me
to get too close to, when i live to create love
to the best of my abilities
even when i'm alone

and while i understand it isn't personal and so on
i cannot sit through another year of not knowing
who you are and what you want from me
so i will make this choice for you