Once again,
I got to fool myself.
Emotions are not to be trusted
I grieve before I
mechanically do
whatever they want me to.

Once in a while i stop, feel it,
Act upon it,
then realize how badly
I deluded myself

How does someone internalize
other people to such an extent?
There is no I,
but only you and us.

I am aware but not powerful enough;
It seems breaking the pattern is difficult
and instead
I break my own heart.

a nightmare you might call it

eyes popping
tounges clicking

a romance you may call it

tears burning
hearts tearing
eyes locking

warped pictures, distorted bodies, remembering the cards
in whatever order

the lovers came alive, death followed closely,
who are you
who am i?
separated by time
but united by the fool

if i at any moment should pass on
as we all must
i want everyone to know
i have made peace with life
and so, i have made peace with death.

so don’t mourn
i am at peace now,  and so
i will be at peace then

The child cried, tranquility, where are you?
I’m yearning for more
There is no chaos, only order
but then, where is your door?

The door to the eternity
Where there’s neither right or wrong,
the place in which only the nothingness
hums its content song

The door to the emptiness, which people so greatly fear
Just because the emptiness is neither a place
Nor anywhere near here

The door that people hid inside the labyrinth of constant horror
Sooner or later, they all will find it
or it finds them,
Leaving behind
Burning traces of sorrow

Their minds fear it
keeps their body awake
But the labyrinth of constant horror
is just a labyrinth
And the door is just another door
So sleep, or lie awake
until you can’t
Anymore

My dear Kitty Cat,

You look lost, Kitty Cat.
Did you lose yourself
in the declining cry for help
Did solely tears
accompany your sleep
In the darkest,
emptiest of streets

You must be tired, Kitty Cat
I wish for you
to find your way home
I know you have had to be
unfairly strong
The ocean is heavy,
and swimming aches
Throughout each and every bone

I know, for I see it
in the depth of your eyes
I feel the ocean storming within
I know you've had to lock it all in
Everything you’ve felt,
and everything you’ve been
But I promise, Kitty cat
I love you still

Kitty Cat, Kitty Cat
I know you rarely name storms
But nameless things
have the worst kind of thorns
In some other world I’d tuck you in,  
safely lock you forever inside
But breathing is not optional,
and you need your breath
As well as I need mine.

Kitty Cat, Kitty Cat
The ocean is big,
And I know you, too,
sometimes feel small
But if you float with the waves,
They may not be
so spiteful after all

Kitty Cat, my love
I fear I’m soaking wet as well
Otherwise I would dry you right away
But I can swim along forever,
through boiling water
Through both night and day

irrational.
how do I explain
I feel I know your thoughts
a promise of pain
a promise that isn't yours.

irrational.
but the feeling remains
I once saw your eyes
you awakened the insane.

irrational.
I'm trying so hard!
trying for you,
trying, trying
trying for myself too.

still irrational.
through my eyes
even the bluest sky seem grey
and though I know they lie
the monster inside
keeps on having
just another thing to say.

Pleasure, oh pleasure!
It’s my pleasure to be
Your forgotten treasure
It’s a pleasure to me

It hurts, as it may
But trust me when I say
It’s a pleasure today
Or it will be someday

Pleasure, oh pleasure
Yes, make me bleed
Pleasure, oh pleasure
I’m in such a need

A pleasure is anything,
anything can it be
Dying and crying,
not being able too see

For when it’s dark
and it’s cold
Some people get scared
But darkness’s a pleasure
So it shouldn’t be feared

Pleasure oh pleasure
whatever you be
Pleasure oh pleasure
Please don’t come for me

Dear crossroad,
Give me advice
Right or left
May both give life,
May both give death
But it may happen in many ways

Dear road,
There is no return
But too much regret
Keep on going
Keep on hoping
Keep on believing that you might survive the upcoming turn

My dearest one,
Memories won’t come back
Future is knocking on my door
My nickname is not my name
But my name is not sure

Dear living
Please let me know
If I am alive
Or if I am dead,
everything might just be happening inside my head