I don't know how many bottles of beer
I have consumed while waiting for things
to get better
I dont know how much wine and whisky
and beer
mostly beer
I have consumed after
splits with women-
waiting for the phone to ring
waiting for the sound of footsteps,
and the phone to ring
waiting for the sounds of footsteps,
and the phone never rings
until much later
and the footsteps never arrive
until much later
when my stomach is coming up
out of my mouth
they arrive as fresh as spring flowers:
"what the hell have you done to yourself?
it will be 3 days before you can **** me!"

the female is durable
she lives seven and one half years longer
than the male, and she drinks very little beer
because she knows its bad for the figure.

while we are going mad
they are out
dancing and laughing
with horney cowboys.

well, there's beer
sacks and sacks of empty beer bottles
and when you pick one up
the bottle fall through the wet bottom
of the paper sack
rolling
clanking
spilling gray wet ash
and stale beer,
or the sacks fall over at 4 a.m.
in the morning
making the only sound in your life.

beer
rivers and seas of beer
the radio singing love songs
as the phone remains silent
and the walls stand
straight up and down
and beer is all there is.

have you ever taken a teabag out of water after its stayed there for a while, and it's drenched and soggy and not the same as the way you put it in? when I'm with you it's like that, it's like you're the water and I'm the teabag and I feel so full when I'm with you and I feel like everything I need is in front of me but when you leave I'm left with all the **** I carried to be with you and then some

when I look at the stars I realize that you're in the same city looking at the same ones too, and those were the same ones that were there when I cried and when we kissed and when I realized what it means for someone to find constellations on your body in places never before discovered, in a canvas of a sky that with every touch seems finger painted

god guys, love ******* *****, it's like a sour sweet candy but you taste the sour when you're away from them and the sweet when you're together and all the while you're wondering what candy they're having and if they ever turn back to sweet when you're apart or if they taste sour the whole way too and thoughts like that ****

it's like your old childhood blanket when you didn't want it to go in the washer and so your mom had to take it from you when you were asleep, but in this case it's a real tangible person who knows your secrets and the way to access all of you wholly completely and utterly and it's someone you can't handle being away from even when you see them hours before

they say that the affect of love on the body activates the same chemicals as ******* does and maybe that explains a lot about how I feel because addicted doesn't begin to describe it and i guess what I need is validation but I can't even validate my own actions let alone yours

I hope that I will see your lips, I hope we'll hug again, I hope you won't become a dream, and I hope that I'll learn to live even without you three miles away

Don't hold onto texts like that lost hope you once had and expect that time will defy all of it's laws just to go back for you and let you rethink all of your decisions, because it simply won't

Don't try cramming all your emotions in the three minutes before your eyes seem to stop seeing the world because you'll end up feeling disappointed and crying instead of dozing off, and you'll be left to hear the cars in the streets and the snores from the balconies and wonder why you're the one with a problem

Don't tell yourself anyone is worth any of you because you're a tarnished diamond and they aren't easily found. Let someone take their time to polish you back up, to give you another reason to shine

Enjoy the moments that happen around you when you're in the car with your parents who have grown old right before your eyes and feel like a kid again, shouting lyrics to the old classic rock songs you knew by heart as a child

Stop worrying about an end. Know that endings happen and that's just a life cycle, and there is nothing you can do to stop time

Don't regret every action you make because not everything was a mistake when you first did it so what makes it a mistake now?

You told me once that you're on this website but that you remain hidden underneath a username so mysterious even I wouldn't be able to figure it out and it's nights like these I wish I could because it's easier to talk trough a computer, through poetry, than it is to tell you it

Have you ever felt you've made a mistake long ago and has your throat ever clogged up at the thought of it? I miss sitting in your car listening to frank ocean and I miss missing you and sitting on you and knowing you inside and out, upside down and right side up

I miss seeing the sympathy in your eyes when I would talk to you and the way you would wear your hat just because I liked it and I miss winter hiking and photoing and I miss telling myself that you would never change and I miss that missed opportunity when I was in your sweatshirt and you weren't with her yet

As much as I hate the past sometimes, I ******* miss it, too.

when they broke my heart god knows the last thing I wanted was to remember how it felt because it takes a lot to make someone feel like they can't breathe even when they're not underwater, but even though I hated them in ways that only my heart understood, I don't really regret them

they all taught me pain but it was because of that pain that I could move on, because of that pain that I now know how it feels to be completely shattered and get when my best friend tells me no, today she doesn't feel like being quite alive

they taught me empathy and they taught me true love in the sense that it was because of all of their errors that I truly appreciated what was in front of me when the time came, and now I understand that the kind of man who stays with you even when you're going through hell and not the man who leaves you mid way is the kind of man who deserves to stay and maybe I'm scared to have my heart shattered again but I don't regret ever having it broken because at least I learned that only I can fix myself and that has made me stronger than ever before

yes it hurts. it's the greatest kind of pain I've known and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but maybe it was for the better...

maybe learning to let go is all for the better

there's something about the idea of sitting down with him and a glass of red wine that he cherishes so much that really appeals to you, something about listening to call it fate call it karma and joking about the irrelevancy of individual objects in this mass world that makes you want to message him immediately

the truth is, you need him because you need someone to save you when you have realised at about 3 am on your way to see him this morning that you are no longer a person to rely on to be there for you emotionally - you're your own bad influence, you're your own a.m. thoughts and bad decisions

the truth is, you wish you were still drunk enough to tell him that he should date you instead; you wish you were drunk enough to kiss him, drunk enough to play with his tie when he kept fidgeting with it, drunk enough to tell him that he's full of **** and you love it

you wish you were sober enough to forget about everything that has happened and get off that feeling knowing somebody told you that you'd be in their head, because your situations have never been perfect and this hurricane is making its way towards your heart faster than you anticipated and this time you don't want to drown in the raindrops of lost desire and empty words

there's something there, something about the two silver rings, one on each hand; something about the way his hair slicks back, about how he wears his glasses and how excited he gets to show you what he can play on piano; there's something there about the touch, about the electrifying feeling of holding his tired hands, and about the way you can tease him and he still takes it, about the way he assumes things but you do too and then you both admit your faults, about the way he tells you to smile more because a smile suits you and that thinking too much can be a serial killer

there's something there, but it's too far away to be understood - too far away to be felt, too far away to be loved

your drunken mind assumes it's utopia, but your sober mind concludes it's hell

there aren't any cliches about being broken left for me to spill onto this screen without leaving traces of my blood hidden in each meaning that's been studied over and over and over again

i don't want to think about how little or much you sleep or how much caffeine you drink to wake those tired eyes up because i know caffeine can't help and love can't work to distract a mind so full of distractions already

when it's two am or i'm drunk i think i miss you the most because it's only then i realise how alone i am and how perfectly my head fit on your bare shoulder but maybe the lesson that needs to be learned is that i'm stronger than the pain of missing you and you're lost in the emptiness of not desiring me

i wish i could send telepathic pumps of electric waves fuelled by the thoughts in my brain to your heart so that for a moment you could wake into a coma of happiness but if it were up to me you'd be asleep forever and i'd never want to pull the plug

maybe happiness really only does last in the moments when we least expect them but all i know is that somewhere in-between my hundreds of bruises and your thousands of insecurities i got lost in the cliche of a rose world and i was never read to give that up and i never want to let that go

tell me  you'll stay, even if it's only for another few seconds of this dream

it never makes sense to stay up with these feelings but i find myself doing it just the same as if one word is eventually going to catch fire and burn this whole poem out of existence again cause that's what it feels like after i'm done writing cause there's tension between me and this ground i've been trying to live on and the tension lights sparks which light sparkling fires greater than anything you've ever experienced before