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Nicole Whitticar Nov 2016
After so many nights of tears on my sheets, friends building me up, and late night phone calls to my mother asking her why love has to hurt so bad; you came back.
You came back to let me know I was always a second option, that things are not going well and you miss the way I treated you.
I gave you so much love that when it came time to be on my knees, begging you to stay, I had enough.
I never believed someone who claimed to love me so much, would just up and go. I forgave you
After 7 months you still run through my veins like the first day we met, having you back would be an ultimate blessing, maybe even a curse in disguise.
You had my heart in the palm of your hand. Better yet, our hearts were intertwined and since then I have grown stitches.
So come back to get the love I have always wanted to give you, or leave before I fall flat on my face; I am embarrassed enough to know that I was never at the top of your list. I was sure you would come back without a second thought, but I have quickly learned that people are not driven by fate, or greater powers.
They have a choice, You had a choice.
and I was not it
Nicole Whitticar Nov 2016
Scared that this feeling of being alone will linger longer than needed,
I am not awaiting a return, or a happy ending, no. I am hiding my hopes in my closet, and living my life without a purpose.
Without you I am me,
I have compared and pushed away, left without reasoning, and kissed without telling.
I have experienced and learned, I have grown out of the skin you left me with.
Big things are coming and although I wish you could see them taking place from a birds eye view, I know you are doing just fine without knowing anything of me, as am I of you.
Nicole Whitticar Oct 2016
my aunt made mention of your name
I put my drink down, straightened my posture, and composed myself before forcing a response about your well-being through my gritted teeth.
It never gets easier- Hearing your name
It is as if I am learning to speak whenever you are brought up- trying to sound out words and structure my sentences, becoming tongue tied.
My habits worsen with every memory that passes through, you made such a big impact in such little time. I wish we never met...
but we both know that is a lie
I want to say I miss the love given to me without thought,
but I miss the love given without thought, that was given by YOU.
there is no way to escape your orbit. Gravity never fails to bring me back to the reality of life without you.
If I could only erase the memories of you from all my friends and family who you struck with your golden tongue. Your charm still influences all who have stepped foot in your presence
Speaking at your ghost helps me cope- you have not died, however you have killed apart of me.
You are never the same once someone who entangles their souls with yours, leaves.
I will never be the same, but change is good and change is needed to grow.
Thank you for teaching me
Thank you for helping me find me
  Oct 2016 Nicole Whitticar
Ysabel Cruz
You never really know what’s coming,
a small wave, a big one.
Life is surprising,
because someone came along.

With every crash of a wave,
the stress is washed away.
Every minute spent with you,
I have faced the earth, brave.

The day arrived when I had to wear my veil,
a beautiful white lace of purity.
This day embarks us to set sail,
of our moments of gentle charity.

It may be inevitable,
for the high tides to drown us away.
Let’s not make our impulses irrevocable.
Together we can fight the days of gray.

Waves don’t die,
same as my love for you.
Look at the sky,
the stars shine for me and you.
A poem I wrote for the 50th anniversary of my grandparents.
  Oct 2016 Nicole Whitticar
Daisy C
When I look in the mirror
I dont see me
I see her.
The me I loved is gone and she is here
to stay.
Nicole Whitticar Oct 2016
i love you still. i'll always be your home
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