If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

He was lying next to me, with his hand upon my cheek
I was locked inside my head, thoughts stuck on you.
It was never quite fair to him, I was never quite there with him
Sabotaged before he ever had a chance.

I play it back inside my head, remember everything you said.
The cruel words that made us come crashing down.
The flashing on my phone, how I felt so alone, crying thinking you were still the one.

Maybe I exaggerate, maybe I stretch the truth,
but I never thought there'd be an end to me and you.
I didn't scream or cry or beg, I locked myself away with painful memories..  

And yet here we are, months away from the past.
Why can I still feel your lips on my shoulder, still hear your voice saying "baby, please come closer."
Replaying your apologies over the endless nights of broken sleep.
Why is it still always you?

It's really not fair to him, I still can't bare to be with him.
I hate myself for wishing you'd come back and he'd turn into you.
His brown eyes never stood a chance when all I see are your green seas.
I used to drown in you for miles, and now all I'm drowning in is myself.
Oh darling, I wish you'd come back because I'm still stuck on you.

The new year hit and it was like I could feel you passing by as 2015 changed into 2016
like a ghost passing into the afterlife except this particular spirit would only make it as far as purgatory, just as you would stop and rest in my sub-conscience for me to dig up later
when I think you're gone you never are and when I think you have finally passed through there is still time to be endured
Is there a lesson I must learn for you to be released or is this how these things work
I'm racking my brain for answers but I am only finding you
It is only the second day of the new year, maybe I am asking for too much  
or maybe the new year does not necessarily come with a clean sleight
you will forever be there, new year or not

you're by far the best human being i have ever had the pleasure to meet
Someone cares!!! someone wants to listen to my babble, my never ending talk of what is to come and my battles against jealousy.
my chest is burning and my lungs are filling with something that seems to be toxic but the after taste is pleasant
it's good and the feeling of chocking on air has never felt more comforting
i cannot even begin to express the emotions that hit my nerves and run through my veins when the thought of you pops in my head
there are actual tears, this is all too surreal and the feeling of being dropped hits me again but harder this time than ever before. If i were to lose him how would life go on? see i know it would go on and it must but i'm that stupid head over heels teen who sees nothing beyond the now, ****
God why have you placed this boy in my line of view? did you wish to see me weak and vulnerable
a sick joke
i refuse to let someone make me feel this way, yes, wonderful, exhilarating feeling of biting into strawberries and drawing with fresh ink but i'm helpless please let me be an insider to my own thoughts

i should be over you
i should be over the feelings you made me feel
the kind but deadly words you stuffed down my throat and made me believe
this feeling continues to linger without giving any subtle hints
you didn't love me
love does not come with so many sorry's
you talked and talked and thought no one would tell me
your idea of love sickens me and if i realize this i should be able to let you go right?
no
too many memories
the history between us will never fade
i love you to hate you