I glance to my side to see my mirror image.
She looks just like me.
But there are small differences.
And it really shows who's the better one.
Her hair is longer, her skin is clearer
she's taller and thinner.
Her body is more complete and smaller.
She's lovely.
Mother calls her wise and intelligent.
She's the favorite.
I sit in my corner.
I always fail,
never could compare.
My candle was outshone by the
brilliance of her star.
I love her.
I have to, and I admire her.
...
But I hate her too.
I've always been her inferior.
And I hate it because I know she's right.
Always is.
I want to break her perfection.
But that would break her too.
As perfect as she is,
being broken is not for her.
It would hurt her too much.
It would be unfair to her.
...
I may hate my other half
But I don't.
She's too good for that and I want to protect her.
See,
You can't hate the one person you
really cannot live without.
It's impossible.
I'll live with her being perfect
I can survive in her shadow.
I know how to.
I've been weak so long that I know I'm
strong enough to persevere.

i've long since
recycled
that letter
you sent me
but it came back today
in a notebook
i bought
at walmart
your words live on,
you *******

are the strings
i thought
were holding me up
actually
tying me down?

you

always you
my mind always finds it way back to you
you who was my first taste
my first touch, my first all consuming fire
we had our passion in the darkness
and our romance in the light
you were a magnet, I was steel
and try as I might, I could not fight

you

it was a tug, then a pull, then a force to be reckoned with
and once we collided that was it
we were twisted and tangled together
we were a knot that couldn’t come undone
we pushed and pushed and pushed together
till I didn’t know where my heart ended and your hand began

you

the months passed and still we held
we intertwined our bodies and souls
it was sweet and it was right
it was the bond that sealed our fate
for we created a spark inside me
I felt a new life for the first time
and cried “oh God what is this?!”

you

we thought we were mountains
and our eyes could see what loomed on the horizon
we could see what was in front of us
but we should have looked below
our mountain was on quicksand
and you were slipping down

you

I watched as you slipped, unable to move
unable to breathe, unable to feel
when all I had was your fingertips to hold on to
I cried “NO! you will not take this from me!”
“you will not rip my heart out with you!”
but you did anyway
you still have pieces of it under your fingernails

you

you who were once my confidant
my passion, my lover
you who once inspired words of love
you now inspire words of pain and rage
what I once knew as love was now betrayal
and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

you

you who left me for her
left our blossoming flower to shrivel up and die in the winter
left the heart you once praised as your equal
for a cheap, side show imitation
left me alone on that mountain with that spark in my womb
never to return until you felt like it

you

I see you every time I look in our son’s eyes
the eyes I used to look into and see a world only I could see
the eyes that I can look into now and feel love again
he is the only way I have learned to love you again
but while he is a part of you, he is not you
he is you version 2.0, the new and improved

you

now you will always be a part of me
our bond we sealed will carry on even if you’re not around
because even though I mended my heart
you still took those pieces with you
the difference now is that my heart can beat without

you

she keeps saying I'm beautiful
but

I don't believe her.

I believe my proana friends.
they understand.

i like these
sleeping pills
they actually force me
to close my eyes
i wonder why
i can't ever sleep
really
i am
very
tired
of everything

uncomfortably unsure
so unstable is being content
one minute so sure the next not

the utmost unrest lies within the gut
what was solid is loose
what was safe is confining

one contaminant
one seed planted can uproot
the entire foundation

such a fanatic into a heretic
there is no such thing as permanence
and those in the wake will hurt

You're not mine
I'm not yours
Still jealousy is here

It doesn't hide in the dark shadows
But stands right next to me
Holding my hand
Leans in and whispers slowly

How could you ever be so stupid?

I've never felt good enough

*The raindrops hide the tears
The tears chase down the raindrops