Watching you leave was the hardest part.
Your ***** brown eyes, I constantly see in my head.
You turned a smart girl into an addict.
But I can't turn back time
Because maybe this time, it was the right decision.
This unnatural dependence climb got a little bit too much.

Maybe I should have seen it.
Maybe I should have realized that I can't go on like some broken puzzle where not all the pieces fit,
and expected you to somehow fill the gaps.

I replay your scrambling words on my voicemail
When you thought that I might lose my mind now that we're done.
The thing is; Having half of it now, because of you, is a whole lot better than having none.

I search streets full of people to find your face.  I'm barely out at all.
You're like a small drop of perfection in a sea of broken souls.
Maybe I'm delirious.

Maybe I can't think of the future when I'm stuck in what could have been, what has been.
Maybe I can't make you forget the parts of me that you shouldn't have seen.
Maybe I'm lost.
Maybe I can't move on.
Maybe...I'm fine.

Our lives began to descend down the narrow road of negativity.
"You really mean a lot to me."
I would never say that.
Like a bat,
Made of feathers smashing against a brick wall.
You stand tall
Too tall for me to reach your heart.
To avoid being hurt, I was just too smart.
Avoid it all, avoid the love I've always had for you
Too many incidents, just to name a few...

There was the ****
That left our family in need.
For some help, from anywhere, somewhere please.
I just wanted to live with ease,
Live like my friends did.
I wanted to be a normal kid,
But I just couldn't be.

The lying
Always always lying
Life wasn't flying
By it was crashing hard
So many shards
Of my broken childhood.
"Please just be good"
I would recite
I don't want to hear another fight.
No more crying or yelling
There was no telling
When this bad dream was going to end.

Stealing!
You stole from me,
That's not how it's suppose to be,
To fund your drugs.
Hang out with those stupid thugs
You call friends.
Don't let this be the end
Can we at least pretend
To be normal.

Guys always think that when a girl says "she's fine", she's not fine.
When I'm not fine. I don't say anything.
A desperate attempt of a thin sheet covering my naked emotions
Knowing full well that this sheet will only cover me if I'm good enough at using it.
Well I've grown accustomed to using it
Like a silencer on a loaded gun
I have a silencer on my loaded mouth.
You see I am an expert at silence
The deafening monotone of nothingness ringing in my ears.
I found peace in the darkest places of my own consciousness,
Hiding in it's cave like walls,
A bear in hibernation.
'Don't poke the bear.'
A bear is only silent when it's sleeping, or hunting.
I,too have hunted the wilderness of broken dream tree trunks and engulfing self-pity oceans.
But I never seem to catch the hope filled prey.
Maybe because I am both the predator and the prey.
The yin and the yang
The hope and despair.
My mind is so used to fighting itself that it should have been in fight club.
1st rule of fight club...Don't talk about fight club.
Don't talk about fight club
Don't.
Talk.

Sometimes I think to myself, is it worth it?
When I ponder on my life and it hurts a little bit,
To be shut out and pulled down.
It's like I'm wearing a crown
Of all the stupid things that circle my head at night.
I want to see the light,
Walk towards this thing of wonder
And still see the things that are under
My skin.

I want to be that little piece of happy
Rather than all these feelings of ******
Disbelief and low self worth.
Feel the earth
Beneath my feet
And realise that with out my friends and family, I, am incomplete.

No more hiding behind the classic fake smile,
Think of life in a different style.
Allow myself to be filled,
With joy, we can rebuild.

No need for drugs or self mutation,
This train's coming to a different station,
Because I can be free.
In the end it's only me,
So why not reach a decision,
To not let fear blind our vision.

Control our own situation,
For how ever long duration.
There is truly only one life, that we get to live.
You should turn around and give
Your real smile, the real you
And maybe if you're lucky you'll see their real self, too.

The simple thought of;
"Today will be a good day",
Drastically changes your outlook.

You realise that
ATTITUDE is everything
And sadness is just perspective.

Sure you can dwell on the bad things
'Not Achieved in this assessment, ugly, worthless'
Or you can choose to push them away.
Choose to focus on the things you can change
Not the things you WISH you could change.

Perspective is the difference
Of living with hate and living with love.
Yeah naivety isn't recommended,
But is sure as hell feels better.

If it were up to me,
Everyone would feel this way.
Maybe I would listen to it more often, too.

The truth is no matter how cheesy this sounds.
You control where you go in life,
It's easy to point the blame,
But at the end of the day you have to live with it.

Write like you have nothing,
Write like you have everything.
Write as if only now matters
And if you don't write this, it will never matter again.

Cram every ounce of emotion
Into your masterpiece
And allow that little piece of your soul to be revealed.

Speak in your truest form,
To an audience you don't know,
With people who are the same as you.
They may feel like they are reading about themselves.

Write in secret.
Only reveal to people who don't care,
Or will forget in a minutes time.

Be bold.
No apologies for expressing your darkest emotions.
Better here then to someone
Face to face
Who may think you're crazy.

Try and reconstruct your self worth
Only to realise
Others agree with you,
And you watch it shatter in to sharp pieces of glass.

Allow all of your attention
To be fully engrossed into the poem.
To fully achieve the best work possible.

Each time a poem is added to the collection,
Be proud,
Because that is another lot of crazy on the page
That hasn't been revealed to your family or friends.

Lastly once it is complete.
Watch the reviews
And comments of your audience stack up
That is what you appreciate.

When I'm dying
I want to think back on my life
And see positivity.

I want to see the lives I've touched,
The smiles and laughs I've created
And the thoughts I have provoked.

When I'm dying
I hope to have no regrets,
No fear,
And no pain trapped in my heart.

I need to be purposely positive
Because positivity is contagious
And I want the world to catch it
To stop the suffering.

What will flash through my mind?
Will I smile at the good times?
Or frown at the apology I never gave
Due to my own stubbornness.

When you're dying,
What do you want to see?

I tell people that I can't play this year,
I say; "That I've got too much work to do",
Some of them even believe me,
They understand how much is on my plate.

Then there's the real reason;
That my self-esteem no longer exists.
I just can't take another hit,
Or gauge how good or bad I am playing.
The truth is I've had four panic attacks,
And when I get out on the field
All I feel is stress.

I want to tell them the exact reason why.
To say how insecure I really am,but what's the point.
In a team all players need to believe in themselves,
I, for one never have and never will.
It's so stupid,but it's simple
I just can't do it anymore.

The Darkness of your heart
Is spilling out and touching me,
It is all that I can see.

I want to help you,but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite so loud
As I approach your house.

The lights are out
And I know you're in,
Couldn't tell where you had been.
Down to the pub to drown your sorrow,
To forget about tomorrow?
I barely know you anymore.

So I knock on your door.
There is no answer
And I find you lying on the floor,
In your living room.
Anger begins to consume
My entire body.

This time you've gone too far
It isn't who you are,
I can't believe your misery.
Self punishment is boundless to you
What happened to only a few?

Everyone we meet
And every moment of impact,
Creates who we are.

There are no mistakes,
Because we wouldn't
Become stronger without them.

As people we change all the time.
Every first date and ridiculous laugh
Create our personality in the future.
In a couple of years
We won't recognise who we use to be.

People change so rapidly,
That we don't even notice.
We grow taller and smarter,
As time goes on.

Milestones pass us by,
And the years go so fast.
What once was a child
Became an adult
In the blink of an eye.

These moments of impact
Shape our future
And the future of those we love.

The bullet grazes the shoulder
Of a truly heroic soldier.
It hit his friend beside him
Igniting the end of Jim.

Constantly battling for survival
With no way of self revival.
They say the mental scars are deeper
And the hills are increasingly steeper.

The truth is a soldier of any kind
Will not return in the frame of mind
That he joined the army with.

Some may not return at all
With a wife and kids so small
They may never know their dad.

Shorter skirts and lower tops,
They're doing anything to get noticed.
Smoking and drinking to fit in
To a world that has changed forever.

Increasing teen pregnancy
And teen dads that walk away.
Fifteen has become the new twenty
And kids aren't kids anymore.

What was once cool became lame
And girls became more and more shallow.
Caking make up on their faces,
Pulling duck faces at the camera.

As we are more connected
We interact less.
Technology ensures seeing people less.
Getting to know someone face to face
Will soon become non existent.

We live in a world that's evolving backwards,
By caring less about others and who they are.
Popularity has become a bloodbath
And people are shallower then the sink.

It would be nice to live in a world
That was evolving forwards.

I disrespect religion because of
That newborn girl that died
Straight out of her mothers womb.
Shouldn't god have saved her?

If he has such great plans
Then why is there war?
People go hungry
And people are scared,
But god does nothing.

If god is so great
Then why does he let people burn
In misery for eternity
Simply for not believing in him?

He condones violence and hate,
He let his son die,
Because he felt like it.
Maybe he had a hair appointment that day.

If god is so forgiving
Then why doesn't he let people into heaven
That don't believe in him?
Frankly he's holding a grudge.

Equality is what god likes,
But if you're gay,
He doesn't want anything to do with you,
It's a sin supposedly.

God lies,
God does nothing,
God is not real
And the bible is a group of people's
Favourite fiction book.

Why do you love me?
I'm not the girl I use to be.
Why do you care?
You should act like I'm not even here.

I'm not the daughter you deserve,
Or the face you should observe.
You gave me everything,
But I can't give you anything
In return.

I'm not smart,
I **** at art,
I am all things wrong with society,
With this insane anxiety.

I will try my hardest,
But I'm not the fastest.
Not the coolest,
Not the strongest,
Not the greatest.

I'm everything I shouldn't be,
But that's just me.

Wake up screaming in the night,
Constantly terrified by my own creation.
My brain knows exactly how to hurt me.

I hide my poetry from everyone,
Every piece from my dark twisted poems,
To my nature expressions.

I'm not sorry for writing them,
But I'm embarrassed to show,
What I do in my spear time.

Maybe it's because I think they will judge me
Or because I don't like my own work.
Maybe they wouldn't like it.
It's my biggest secret
That I guard with my life,
Like it's the most important thing.

I've never been normal,
But it's weird even for me right?
Even if it's my best poem ever,
It'll be only my eyes that view it
And the members of poetry websites.

I would rather share my work,
With people like me,
Who I've never met and
Who understand how amazing writing is.

On her bedside table sat a jar.
It was tall and wide
Square and round all at the same time.
The jar was clear with no labels,
But for it she had big plans.

Inside sat one rose.
The stalk touched the bottom
And the head sat just above the jar opening.

One Lonely red rose.
This rose meant everything to her,
She knew it would die soon,
But in the meantime,
She would keep it beside her.

She looked at it at night,
When her lanterns lit up her room,
It intrigued her.

Something so beautiful,
Yet so small and alone,
It reminded her of him.
Her man.

He gave her the rose,
As a reminder of how
He picked her,
Out of all the beauty in the world.

Affected by music,
In an unexplained way,
Life is brighter,
Nature is more beautiful.
The rhythm of the piano
Plays to me filling the silence,
With something so moving,
So life changing.
The word is unclear,
But I know how it feels.
It picks me up,
Shows me the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Takes me outside,
To stare at the trees
Gently swaying in the sunlight.
Classic,yet new
So...
Intense.
******* me in
And making me smile.

All the guys on the front line,
Standing next to me.
It's all about looking after them,
That's how marines work.
We don't worry about ourselves,
We worrying about how THEY will make it home.
Back to their families,
Brothers,Sisters, Mothers and Uncles.
All the people they may never see,
If I ***** up.
I know that the guy next to me,
Is watching my back.
For it is his job
To worry about me.

Living on the street,
I am trapped in an unusual world.
Many people walk past and
I think about my life.
Time passes but I stay in the same place
Exactly where I will be till I
Die.

Cody I can't hear your cry
Anymore from the battlefield.
I don't know what happened,
But I want you to know
That I love you.

You know the other day
I saw your mum walking by my house
It made me think about you.
How we grew up as neighbours
And soon became best friends.
I could tell you anything,
And you were my first love.

I still remember when you joined the army,
You were so **** excited
That I tried not to cry.
Years went by and I was all alone,
I loved those late night calls,
That we exchanged
When you got the chance.

Never got to say goodbye to you,
They couldn't recover your body,
We had to bury ashes.
Cody I will talk to you,
I wonder if you can hear me,
Cody I love you.

The crushing weight on my shoulders
In my ridiculous brain
Slowly destroying me,
From the inside out.

I am a liar
No!
A pretender.
I don't intend to hurt anyone,
But me.

My body
My mind
And my soul
All feel the weight of protending.
It doesn't matter if I die from this weight,
Or if I just live with it,constantly.

The weight of pretending
Is heavier than anything
In the world
Because it explodes,crushes and destroys
All at once.

My anxiety's in over drive,
Stressed out to the max.
Time is shortening,
Work is lengthening
And it's hard to breathe.
Totally loosing my mind,
I want to lock my door
And shut the curtains.
Freaking out in a corner
On my own.

Tears are filling up my eyes and
Splashing down to hit my pillow.
Wet patches of where they fall are left behind.
I'm completely destroyed.
Cut into pieces by my own making,
Causing problems I can never fix.
Pushing people away,
So I don't get hurt
But I AM hurt.
Beyond repair.
Like the unfixable child's toy,
That gets thrown away.
"You can't help someone
That doesn't want to help themselves".
It's never been so true.

Your such a fool,
Let her walk right out the door,
Should have chased after her
And begged for her to stay.

I remember when you said
"She is the best thing to happen to me"
What happened to that love?

You worshipped the ground she walked on
I'd never seen you so happy,
But yet you throw it away.

What happened to you?
There's no way
You will find a girl like that
Again.

Intense blue eyes watch the outside world
Through a narrow wooden window
At the top of the stairs.

Raindrops sliding down the window,
Racing each other to the bottom
And colliding against the wood.

Sitting and watching the wind,
That looks like an invisible hand pushing the trees,
Which bend and sway back and forward.

The soothing sound of raindrops,
On the roof while she's safe inside.
In the warmth, with a blanket
Wrapped around her slender shoulders.

There's not a lot to do during a rainy day
Stuck inside watching and listening,
But so completely captivating
That she can't move.

All I saw was pure hope,
I know you haven't seen it yet,
But you just wait and see.
I can not explain it to you,
No words can even scratch the surface,
You must see it for yourself.

Pure hope.
Two simple words,
They can mean anything
And everything.

The purity and youthfulness
Alongside of the happiest word
In existence,
The one that leads you through the dark,
To the light on the other side.

Pure hope is what I see.

Take the opportunity,
To give it a go.
Were not talking stupid things
But how wrong is fun.
A night out is what we need,
Time to break free of routine.
Drinking games and being crazy,
Seems so unnatural.
Maturity can only last so long,
With good friends all around.

All she knew,
All her life,
Was in such great jeopardy.
Her brother and her father,
Her job and her fight.
She didn't want to be left with nothing,
But for that one moment in time,
She could have died.

She took me by the hand, I was surprised,
She told me "you should close your eyes".
I did exactly as she said,
Completely unaware as she led.
We ended up on a beach somewhere,
I didn't even really care.
Such beauty and peace,
But she said "hey let's go to Greece".
Travelling just her and I,
Underneath the bright blue sky.
Who knows where we'll end up next,
This big wide world is so complex.

Poems change lives.
They can express your emotion,
When you don't know how to express it.
They give a message or a story,
Which can not only get their attention,but change their view.
A poem is a gift.
It shows us the way like the sun and moon.
Poems for me are everything,
They help with my whole outlook on life,
I can talk to someone with out saying a word,
And touch people's hearts that I have never met.
Poems connect people,
Poems are life.

The light fluffy cloud looked like wool,
Dancing about the sky with the sun watching over.
Queen sun watched over everything,
From the calm trees to the everlasting river,
From the dark shadows to the mountains
And everything in between.

When it was time to sleep
Queen sun took over,
King moon and Queen sun are in love,
But they must look after their son Little cloud.
Little cloud had big dreams to become a dancer,
And his parents always told him
That the sky is the limit.

It was up to him to save her.
He wanted to let her die,
Just to prove a point.

To show that there was no good in him,
He wanted to prove he was evil.
As she lay dying,
She told him what she could see.
"A man capable of love can be saved",
She told him genuinely.

He didn't want to believe her,
For she must be crazy in his eyes.
No matter what he thought,
He saved her,
He had always loved her.
That clearly showed,
He wasn't evil after all.

Drugs have destroyed my brother's life,
I have watched him change,
They completely over take him.
It's like he doesn't care anymore.

The lies,
The late nights,
The stealing.

Why didn't he just come to me?
I'm his sister.
I will give him anything,
And yet he steals from me.
To fund a never ending habit,
With a vicious circle of lies.

I would be a liar too if I said,
I haven't stayed up worrying,
That he wouldn't come home.

I suppose that just makes me stupid for caring.

He throws the ball in the air
And shoots his green arrow
Perfectly through the centre
Of the bright yellow tennis ball.
Pinning it to the large concrete wall,
With such speed and precision,
Like a bullet from a gun.
He does this over and over,
To perfect his archery skills,
Not as a hobby but to save people's lives.
Oliver is different from you and I,
He spent 5 years on an island,
That changed him forever.
His goal in life is to honour his father,
And protect his city
From those who poison it.
He is Oliver Queen
He is the hood
He is Green Arrow.

I'm just an adolescent,
I can't change the world
For I am a complete catastrophe,
A fail,
A self absorbed human being.

I have been dismantled,
Often wretched with over emotion,
And am in desperate need of a friend.
Some one to understand me
And help me to be completely euphoric.

I can be materialistic and love diamante,
I am engraved with personality,
I AM NOT FAKE!
Pale white skin not bronzed,
I just want to add gloss,
I'm not a barbie.

My work is a beautiful disaster.
So pointless yet so great,
Ugly and amazing,
Stupid and genius.

My painting shows me,
The way I express myself.
Little pieces of my soul on the canvas,
Left for the world to see.

My drawing is all that I am,
All that I see,
And all that I feel.

Creativity has saved me,
Helped me find who I am.
Showed me how to get out,
The things that are trapped inside.
Buried deep below,waiting,hiding
Where no one can find it.

Through drawing,painting and writing.
I am a beautiful disaster.

Driving to my uncle's farm
Over in Rata.
The trip feels so much shorter then usual,
Excitement building up inside.

As we reach the house and get out of the car,
We go to meet her.
Rose.
The most beautiful dog in all the land,
So happy and so healthy.
The way she ran around the paddock,
With such speed and enjoyment.

I will always remember that day,
Until I die.
I always wanted a dog
And she was it.

All I could ever ask for,
Was her.
She's so perfect
And so intelligent.

Fits in to the family exceptionally well
And she's come so far since then.

You are amazing
The way you smile and laugh
I really like you.

I just don't understand you.
Your values are just so different.
I was brought up so unalike from you,
It's like you just don't care.

I had a good upbrining,
My parents taught me right from wrong.
They taught me to try my hardest at everything
And here you are not trying at all.

My parents brought me up,
The way all kids should.
The same way that they were,
With a caring personality and love.

Do your parents have values?
Is that why we are so different.
You don't show elders any respect,
That's just one other thing that divides us.

I guess people with values so extremely opposite
Will argue for all of time.

All alone.
In this stupid black dress
That mama made me wear.

Where are you now mama?
No where that matters.

Where is the exit in this place?
All I see is hedge after hedge
And a bright red tree.

It's kinda peaceful,
Maybe if I just...
Climb this and..
I hit the ground that's what happens.

The least they could do is make a seat in this place
The cracked concrete is way too cold to sit on.
What is with these shoes?
So fancy and painful.
I can blame mama for that too.

The waves are crashing around me.
So peaceful yet so strong.
I can see my whole life here,
Just floating by.

The water,my surfboard and me,
I don't want to surf
All I want is to sit here and think.

Think about 'what if?'
And 'maybe I should have done this'.
The horizon seems so far away,
The more you travel towards it
The further away it is.

I could say the same about life,
Sometimes the more you want something
The least likely you are to receive it.

There floats my past relationships
And the pain of loosing him.
The ocean is so calming and healing,
That I want to stay forever.

That little empty playground
Filled with absolutely no sound
It's beautiful how the sun shines on it.
Different colours brightly lit.

So peaceful yet so lonely,
Because I am the only,
Person here.
This place was built for people,
It's not old like a steeple
Where is everyone?

Where are the kids?
On their bikes doing skids.
Where are the mums?
Twiddling their thumbs.
Where are the dads?
Fixing the bike brake pads.

For now it's a place built only for me,
With the beautiful light coming through the tree.
As I sit and watch the time pass by,
And daydream about how I can fly.

I like your hair.
Imagine if it all fell out
A little piece comes off in your hairbrush
And you wonder why me?

Slowly more and more pieces fall out,
Until one day your bald.
All the kids tease you at school
And your mum says "the don't understand".

You think about this for a while and realise
I don't understand.
Why am I sick?
What is cancer?
Everyone just avoids the topic around you,
as if it doesn't exist.

It's okay, you don't have cancer,
But way too many girls and boys your age do.
They have to deal with this,
They are asking the same questions that you would.
Just think about them for a moment,
Think about their lives.
And be grateful for what you have.

I have always loved the way the grass rippled in the wind
And the way the moon shone brightly on the world.

I have always loved the sunny days
And those cold nights by the fire.

I have always loved the hum of the bees
And how the imagination changes shadows into figures.

I have always loved the birds chirping in the morning
And the beautiful silence of night.

I will always love the beach and the sunset
I will always love the forest and the sheep
I will always love nature.

Stop blaming the world,
For all your problems,
You always seem to curl the truth.

Oh your having a bad day,
I am sorry,
Did your boyfriend leave you again?
Oh wait I know it,
People stop listening to what you say.

Always have to be in the spotlight,
Talk about dramas as if your life is hard,
You have got everything,
So get over your self.

"**** my life" is your Facebook status,
But all you want is people to ask
"Are you okay?".

When really your just pathetic,
There is no amount of hairspray,
In the world to solve your selfishness.

You are finally out of my hair,
No more feeling like crap because of you.
Two whole seasons of Football,
And your crafty ways of hurting people.

Why I ask you,
Why did you feel the need to hurt us?
I guess we must be inferior to you.
Is it your own insecurities as a player?
That makes you feel the need to judge our skill.

Not that it matters anymore,
I finally have the courage to fight back.
The season is over and I never stood up to you.
Not when you insulted me,
And not when you insulted my friends.

The funny thing is you were never very good,
Your cruddy kicks flew everywhere like a drunk bird.
Somehow people thought you were good,
Just because players would move out of your way.

It became hard to decipher between playing good or bad.
It was like you targeted me.
Picking off a few from the team,
The emotionally unstable ones maybe?
No just the ones you knew wouldn't fight back.
I guess you don't like confrontation.

Well Goodbye Phillipa,
It wasn't nice knowing you,
But thank-you for strengthening me,
Now I know if someone tries this again
I WILL FIGHT BACK.

They tell us to be individuals,
But give us a uniform,
To protect us from each other,
Because were humans and we judge.

The clothes we wear define us,
The way we speak undermines us,
The way we act proves whether were good or bad
But the things we feel stay inside us.

Maybe we should destroy mirrors,
To then destroy our own problems.
The things we hate about ourselves
Become reflected on others
In fits of jealousy.

I guess to be individuals,
We must expect to be judged,
We have to sink into the crowd,
To eliminate that judgement.
But it won't change a thing
Because there will always be something
That people don't like about us.

There's your individuality.

The campfire burns so bright,
I'll have a smile on my face all night.
Roasting marshmallows on a stick,
And eating junk food till were sick.

Forget about school, just for one night,
It'll be there tomorrow,it's alright.
Right now we can have fun,
I promise when were done,
You'll be so much happier for it.

No need to carry that worry around,
Because right here your safe and sound.
It's your chance to let loose,
And act like a goose.
Just know that we'll be here with you,
We'll act crazy too.

Black ink under your skin,
With a word showing where you've been.
Just one little word,
To make sure the lines stay unblurred.

It's like your precept,
Not your defect,
You have made it your reason to live,
And it has taught you how to give.

This one word,
Is a name you may have heard.
Your son's name,
That you claim,
Helps you be the person you want to be.

Kyle is your son,
He is the only one,
To be your inspiration,
You protect him from this nation.

His name is on your arm,
He won't come to harm,
At least not while your still breathing,
You know the true meaning,
Of love.