newpoetica

newpoetica Nov 2019

i get excited to talk to you
when i don't i feel blue

i feel giddy and happy
which is super sappy

i'm learning to love on a whim
but i've learned that love is him

leaving is a fear i carry
it's also a fear i hope to bury

lovers learn to love
the heavens watch from above

i need to say goodbye
to the river of tears that i cry

nighttime is terrifying
the demons are out and crying
*
if happy is you
then i want to have happiness too

pain is only relative
to the joy we get in this life we live

hazel eyes
in which my heart lies

my worthless name
is a badge of shame
**
pack up the van
and pop a xan

the van/xan combo was kinda fun to write after writing like 10 poems that i cried while writing tonight.... god imagine being such an emotional wreck like i am (no i don't condone drug abuse)

newpoetica Nov 2019

a poem to a four-leaf clover

here's the thing about me
i take anything you say seriously
every word you say i take to heart
i hang onto every single part
the syllables, syntax, and tone
whether it's face to face or over the phone
i'm so **** fragile
my brain darts around quick and agile
if i feel disapproval from you i shut down
because i feel dumb and silly like a clown
it's so stupid to cry over
but i do so a lot despite me feeling lucky to have you, my four leaf clover

i don't want to say it because i'm afraid of letting my feelings show. most of everything i feel is insecurity. i know i'm loved and treasured, but sometimes... i know i don't always speak about interesting things, but they're interesting to me. and you aren't meaning to shut them down, but they're lame. what if they're part of me though? and who i want to be someday? are you going to be able to accept me, like i accept you?

newpoetica Nov 2019

overthinking (four)

why do we all suffer and live crying
why do we all sometimes contemplate dying
why do we all go through life hiding how we truly feel by lying
why do we all feel lonely but continue complaining online and alone whilst sighing
why do we turn away when we see others crying
why do we have to experience loved ones dying
why do we continue hurting others by lying
why do we not hear our world collectively sighing

newpoetica Nov 2019

overthinking (three)

who would want the girl
when she's just sand and not the pearl
she's not valuable
she's disposable
who would want her fool's gold
when the real thing is something sold
she's not valuable
she's disposable
who would want someone like her
when there's other girls who are better
she's not valuable
she's disposable

i might hate myself,
i don't really know,
my feelings fluctuate,
change overnight,
right now though,
i feel invaluable,
and disposable.

newpoetica Nov 2019

overthinking (two)

the poem i wrote, i titled 'insecurity'
it's funny that it was dedicated to someone else, but now i'm writing about me
it's something consuming the person that i soon will be

it's not the same insecurity that i had originally written about, but it's highly ironic that i could title this poem insecurity if i felt like it.

newpoetica Nov 2019

overthinking (one)

how do i tell him that i love him?
that he means the absolute world to me...
how do i put my feelings on a limb?
that he is the only man that i see...

newpoetica Nov 2019

pondering upon love and fate

what's there to gain
in a love full of pain?
why choose to stay
when there's nothing left to say?
why does you heart long for love
when there's no sign of it coming from above?
why do we keep up the chase
when it's only us against time in this race?
why do we choose to live this way
if it's not always a price we must pay?
pursuing pain isn't necessary
but we do it to earn a medal that we carry.
why do we choose to live this way
pondering life's questions,
we tend to do so through chapters and sections.
the subjects change as time goes on
but it's always the same, nothing is decided upon.

i don't fully understand why i wrote this, but it made me think about what people do and why we do what we do. this is about all types of love: romantic and platonic. i thought of the first line and kinda let it flow from there, enjoy.

#fate #pondering #love #life