One empty heart locket,
With no pictures inside
You said never take this off,
Wear it everyday.
Maybe it was to remember.
To remember all of our memories
On that day.
The day you became my family.
The "unknown to you" lie
You were telling me
Would stay in my head forever.
A lie too simple to not believe.
You said,
"I'll never leave."
And in my fairytale world,
I sure believed you.
But when I opened my eyes,
My best friend was gone.
I will not forget
The memories you left
And I will remember
The lie you spoke to me.
My tiny heart locket
Still remains empty,
But on the outside,
There is a date.
The date you became a part of me.
The date I got
That little heart locket.
The date you told me
We would put a picture of us
In that little heart locket.
The date you told me
That simple promising lie.
And now as I remember
That date while holding
My empty little heart locket,
I wish I could go back in time;
Back to my fairytale world.
Back to you,
Back to the time
You weren't going to leave,
Back to the time I didn't have to wonder
If you ever thought of me.
Now my fairytale lives on,
But only when I close my eyes.
I'll never forget it
Because I still have my
One empty heart locket.

The sun is pulled down the same way you pull me closer to you
The beauty or the skyline just before the sun kisses the land goodbye can not be compared to how your eyes never refuse to dull
And while our shadows leave us alone I can feel the air getting cold
But here you are with the warmth of your smile
The hot touch of your skin
And the inviting color of your mocha brown eyes
I can't seem to get over how darling the night sky looks when it's completely dark
The calm touch of a black blanket covering us with specks of light holding us dear
Both of us shouting at the moon for it to never fall back down
Knowing that this is our one and only chance
The closeness of our coffee stained breaths make clouds of love in the chilled atmosphere
The silence of us slowly kissing in cars
And the shape of your fingers tangled in mine
I can feel it like it was the next year
Although over thousands of miles away I still believe you're near
Cause I can still hear you *screaming at the same moon.

It's been a while,
since I've thought about killing myself.
Almost a year probably...
Today though,
I was awoken to my mother yelling at me for taking off a ring,
and leaving it at my grandmothers.
This ring may or may not be lost now.
And now I am sure I have lost another ring for the exact same reason.
Because of the shower and a dislike for wearing jewelry in the shower.
I also don't like cleaning my room.
It's a pain.
It's my space.
Let it be a wreck.
I did do the few things in college I said I would never do.
I slacked off. I goofed off. I messed up.
So my mother took her anger and just spewed everything she thought of me.
I'm not saying she's not a fit mother.
But,
It changes things when you know how people see you.
Selfish.
Slob.
Narcissistic.
Most everything else, implied.
Those words, are quotes.

Though at the end, I woke up searching for lost items.
Realizing found attributes, that I would have never put together.
My messy room is a direct relationship to my own self worth.
"Slobbish" attributes mean that you think low of yourself, and are selfish.
So all you teenage boys, sorry to think you're self worth is low as well.
Forgetting a ring and not rushing to get it because you just felt it would be safe.
Selfish.
Selfish.
That one I still don't understand.
She kept asking, why I took it off.
And I always take it off when I get ready.
So if you ever take off an important ring for any reason, and leave it somewhere,
thinking it will be safe.
Selfish.

And because I'm a dramatic one,
once my mother left for the day.
I thought
If I'm so selfish, I'll just **** myself
If I'm so selfish, I can just die.
Because at the end of the day, suicided is the most selfish act you can commit.

I'm not saying I'm going to do it.
I'm to lazy.
That takes effort.
It would mean I cared about what was said.

But...
Obviously I can't.
Right?
Selfish,
Self Centered,
No Self Worth,
Slob,
Ignorant.

So yes,
It's been a while since I thought about suicide.
But since I'm selfish...
Should I think of it more?
Since it's been a while...