I've lost my foothold
The world seems incorrigible
And no one is listening to me saying,
"Just be a good person!"

Everything is an argument
But why?
I see what is happening here
And everywhere else

The time is now
To begin to work together
Instead of fighting
But, demand change

The human RACE
Has only ever really benefited
From working together
The fighting needs to stop

Stand up and be you

This is the place to write
That I'm incomplete
And just broken enough
To be searching

For something that fixes
Or completes me

Sometimes,
That would only be silence
To my questions

How absurd is it to believe in a thing called love?
It creates hope and despair
It could be for a certain band
Or the smell of someone's hair
It can get you killed
Or show you how to live
The hardest thing to try to define
Sometimes it can take a lifetime
It's tangible because you can feel it
You can see it
Taste it, touch it, smell it, and can hold it
You can hear it
We all know when it's gone
There are much more absurd things to believe in

I remember being small
The adults were in charge
They knew what they were doing

If something made me sad
It was going to be okay
If I was mad
I got told to calm down

I was stubborn
I fought
I resisted
But I listened

It took becoming a parent
To understand
You don't know what the ******* are doing either
Even though you might know a little bit more

The worst day of my life back then
Was if my bike tire was flat
Or my videogame wouldn't work
If I didn't get my way,
I would selfishly act like a ****

Being a child and innocent
Slipped out of our fingers
At a speed we couldn't stop
Never seeing the picture for how big it really was

My first role in being an adult
Was having my first dog
And taking it for walks

You have to take a **** at 2AM?
Sure, why not?
I will take you out
Because you are my friend

The love I felt for this dog, and friend
Was put to the test
When it was hit by a cab
My choice to euthanize
My friend, her end

I joined the army
Only a year or so after
And became a father somewhere in the mix

I've always treated my son
Like a future man
Not telling him what he can't
But what he can

I understand the pain of being a parent now
But I accept this blessing as something true
I wouldn't trade it for the world
Would you?

None of us
Want to acknowledge
Getting older
But there comes a time
When it's unavoidable

Waking up early is never fun
But once it's painful
You know
The aches and pains that weren't earned
Are here to stay

Sometimes it's just realizing
The world is different
A moment to consider
What the hell happened
What did I miss?

Understanding that you were there
Through the entire span
And that much time
Passed and eluded you
Walked up to your doorstep
Knocked, and said
"Hey, I hope you hadn't forgotten about me!"

*******!!!  
Ten years have blown by
Just like that!?!
After the initial shock is gone
It makes sense
The aches and pains were earned

There is a reason the days pass differently
Getting a little older
Comes with it's own blessings

I hide behind this bottle
Because I don't want to see you

I don't want to remember you

I don't want to think of you

I want to be happy
And forget

And yet when the morning comes
There you are
Like you never left

I hide behind this bottle
Because when I decide to finally stop hiding
You will have faded and so will the pain

Dancing is like life
When it's good
It's real good
It's amazing
Sometimes you dance alone
To the music of your own beat
No one else can hear it
You may look like a fool
And will be misunderstood
Sometimes others step on your toes
Or you're not feeling it
Sit this one out
Wait for your song to play
With the right partner
It's like living in a separate world
Shielded from the outside
Protected from the *******
Even time loses meaning
Dancing until the last song is over
It might not be the right time
Or the right song
Yet you keep on dancing
Until the music stops playing

All we can ever do is our best
There is nothing more
Sometimes even that
Isn't enough
And we are left, defeated
But who cries that final ultimatum?
Only ourselves
We are the biggest critics of our own lives
That simple reality
Is too much sometimes
I fight it
But I know
I am the biggest ******* in my life
Bringing me down
I haven't killed my dreams
But I plague them
I sold my future
For a low-grade donut
But I can steal it back
I hate you for doing this
But I still love you
I can ask why all day
But I know the answer
Because I'm still here *******
And I'm not going anywhere

Quit self sabotaging

I'm still surprised sometimes
By how alone I can still feel
Even when I'm surrounded by people who care
I catch myself wearing a fake smile around
So no one knows the face hidden beneath the mask
And that is why I'm alone
Because no one really knows what's going on
Even when I try to explain
I never feel satisfied that I succeeded
Sometimes
It's just me and my poetry

ALWAYS SOMETIMES
You talk too much
But don't have anything to say
Always the same
Not much open-mindedness
Left for anything new
I've a natural tendency
To be an *******
Some people just bring it out
Once I'm ******
I claim no responsibility
For what comes out of my mouth
I've a natural tendency
To be nice and patient
Some people just bring it out
It's not that difficult
To find a little good
We've all got it sometimes
Sometimes too much good
Or too much bad
Overstimulates
And is too much
I find myself in the middle
Outspoken, sometimes quiet
Decisive, sometimes fickle
Surviving, but choosing to live
Real, sometimes imaginative
Adventurous, yet cautious
Brave, sometimes nervously nauseous
Feet on the ground
Eyes to the sky
Free to roam
No home to call my own
Searching and trying
To be homeward bound
Around the world
There and back
People act like they know
But mostly don't know jack
Found in the middle
Lost at the ends
Too stubborn to listen to reason
I will never understand
In this quest
To be a decent man

As much as I know
All that I've learned
I'm taking a chance with you
A shot in the dark
No telling what the future may hold
If I should be the one to hold you
Or another
Being unsure is the struggle
We have to combat our doubts
Even when happiness is beating down our door
Being tricked
When trouble is wearing a disguise
Gives potential, demise
Letting the past **** the future
Is a hole you sit in
Fear of the unknown
Forever wandering
Never home
Wanting to move on
Not knowing what direction to take
Lost inside yourself
Not sure who to ask for help
Life goes on
With or without you
Never asking for permission

I want to fight with you,
Not against you
I will have your back,
And mine is yours
To share the weight
Out of this world

There was a space inside of me
Hidden from even myself
I didn't realize it existed
Until you came along
And then I knew

That space had been there and empty
Waiting for you because you were the perfect fit

You made me understand
That I had been empty and incomplete
For the longest time until I met you

You are my best friend, my lover, and my muse
I think there might be a point
To all of this madness we call living
If happiness like this is something true

You make me believe
Anything is possible

Not a day goes by
Without you on my mind
The moments without you
Seem to drag on forever
Yet I wait for you
To see you
And feel your embrace again
To protect you, held in my arms
I wait for the day
When we are together once more
Finally without obstacles
Standing in our way

The moments that take my breath away,
Are the ones that make me want to keep on breathing.

No matter how stressed out
Or wound up
Or defeated the day, week, month, or year
Has made me feel
I'm always ready for someone to say the right thing
And that could always be as simple as *"Hello"

Sometimes
Everything you say
Feels like a cliche
No new things to say
No new places to explore
How much worth
On what has been done before

It feels like small talk
Memorized and rehearsed
An endless curse
Over and over
Until the words
Don't even have any meaning
Saying nothing but screaming

The worst habit to have
Is not being yourself
Trying to fit
A cookie-cutter mold
Always doing what you're told
A forever quest to be
Accepted and respected

The world doesn't have any sympathy for you
Because your problems aren't unique

The only thing unique about you is
You

As I lay down
To fall into slumber
In a gentle land
*******
Yellow Jacket
Stung me in my hand
Tonight not insomnia
Nor caffeine
Or even the troubles I keep
Kept me from my sleep
The little *******
Hid under my pillow
Doing his best
Waiting and plotting
To steal my peace
And much needed rest
I usually keep the peace
And let nature be free
But tonight I made an exception
And I killed that ******* bee

This day has been rough
I'm spent and my reserves are burned
After all of the hard work
The pain
The grind
The time
Keep pushing ahead to get there
Figurative haymakers thrown
Untouchable to get the job done
But burnt
Spent
Overlent
Taken to the limit
Finding out what you're made of
Being surprised but impressed
No matter the task at hand
Or tribulation overcome
At the end of the day
Knowing when a someone thinks of you
They think of love
To feel appreciated  
For being you
Will make breaking through any obstacle
Wonderful

I want to take you
Somewhere away from here
Somewhere to be together
A place to disappear

Hide from the world
For a little while
A place with the freedom
To have the innocence of a child

How I would like to free you
From the baggage that weighs you down
To take you somewhere away from here
Where happiness exists abound

It's true
A world without love
Life would be much easier
No pain
No heartbreak
For the love of money?
Nope
No corporate takeovers, no greed
For the love of power?
Nope
No wars, no genocide
Without love
There would be no hate

It's true
In a world without love
Life would be much easier
But
Life would be incredibly dull
Like the stars had been plucked from the skies
All of the color had been taken from the sunset
No more passion
Progress would cease to exist
Laughter would be heard like silence
And a baby's smile wouldn't mean anything

It's true
Shadows couldn't exist without light
And the truth remains the same for hate and love
A world without love might be easier
But that's a world I don't want to live in

Beautiful, yet broken
Not a lost cause
Just lost
Waiting for the right time
After so much wasted time
Wanting to love again
But not ready
Having survived
She wants to finally live
To find someone
That will hold her heart
With gentle hands
To leave the past behind
And start anew

Before I met you
I had resolved to stay single
That was the safer route
I had grown tired of being hurt

Sometimes during the night
I would look at the stars
Wondering, if there was someone
Out there looking for me as well

I remember feeling distraught
Over the pain life had handed me
Not understanding why
If I deserved the pain
If I even deserved to ever be happy

Because others hadn't appreciated me
I had lost the understanding of my own worth

Before I met you
I had been used
Abused and confused
Alone
Wanting something I thought I would never have

A needle in a haystack was found
When you came into my life
You were the one to recognize my value
You showed me what it meant to feel loved

Your sweet disposition and honest smile
Helped me to forget about the past

All I can see now is the future

I can't write
When I'm happy
Because I would feel like
I was throwing it in the face
Of people that are unable

I'm not sure that I'm sure
How to ever let myself

Be happy

Romantic and sweet
Darling, you make me weak
Never having felt this before
What it really meant to give
Your heart, soul, and passions
What it meant to love someone

For a king to kneel to his queen
Not behind but besides stands she
Until you came into my life
Something had always been missing

It had always been you
Maybe our paths will take separate routes
Or maybe we will travel the same road
I am just glad to have met you on my journey
Because I don't have to continue to search

Not knowing what I was looking for
Was something that ate at me
I didn't understand why I felt empty

Because I have found you and I know that you're out there
The world just doesn't seem that bad of a place anymore

Thankful of our paths having crossed
Of those lips having kissed

Not worried about the destination
But blissful of the journey
Finding you
Instead of forever searching
I was set free

I had the best of times
I will never forget
You were the best
But
Wait
Wait
Wait

I forgot

It's been a while
Since I've been a child
There is heart in me
That is young
There is patience
That is old
I am living
But always dying
The same holds true since birth
We come into this world
And open our eyes
And get told how to live
All you really have to do
Is be yourself

Bleeding Laughter

Because of a lass
I sat in the grass
And a piece of glass
Cut my ***
Possibilities were teaming
But my **** is bleeding
She is screaming
So much for dreaming
There could be hope
But I'm a dope
I keep on swimming
Without a boat
Doesn't matter
As long as I stay afloat
You may think this is just a joke
That I wrote
But it's more of a *****
Than a poke
I can assure you
This is just a poem
Straight from my dome

My body aches
My mind is tired
I wonder if this amount of work
Will let me
Reap what I sow?

I put my time in but now I expect it back
I've given you my time
Quality time
But what have you given me?
Just enough to get by
And survive?

Life isn't fair
But I expect respect
I only have so much patience
And you are trying it
Really, you are

If you disrespect me one more time
I'm gonna hit you so hard
Your own mother won't recognize you

I will put you in your place

I will talk down to you like the little man you are

Not that I expect you to learn anything
Or change your selfish ways
But it will make me feel better

If Karma's a *****
Then she's on my side this time
You've got it coming
It will be from the blindside

Sobriety was easy
When I was broke
When I had money
It became a joke

Fighting my own battles
Living my own personal hell
All the while trying not to hit the bottom
By hitting the bottle
Every sip and drink became a punishment
For all past wrongs wronged
Self forgiveness is for what I longed

The sadness and loneliness was quite unbearable at times
How many wake-up calls would I get?
How many wake ups did I have left?
The best had yet to come and I was squandering it

Drinking my sorrows away at the bottle of a bottle
Was doing nothing but creating more problems
I couldn't fight it

What was done is done
I was no longer forever young
It was time to make things right
This is why I write

I sit and wonder
What type of man
You would be today

You were my best friend
And we had taken each other's qualities
I miss you

I remember you
But I have forgotten
The sound of your voice

So long ago
I've lost some of who you were
But I remember

You were stubborn and direct
Before the rest of us
Even knew who we were

You fell in love first
And told me about that
And how it felt

You were my only "blood" brother
Besides family
And that's how it was

We were young and stupid
Together
And it was awesome

I miss you brother
I love you

Being in love
Is like a break in the clouds
And all of a sudden
That single, solitary ray of light
Shines right upon you

As I was adding the last few pieces
Of putting myself back together
After being broken so many times before
You broke me again

What doesn't **** you makes you stronger is *******

It makes us resentful
Hateful
Skeptical
Overprotective
Afraid

It kills our innocence piece by piece
Until we are finally dead inside
Incapable of loving or caring
A burnt out shell of the person you once were
No longer yourself

You fell under the bus
Harsh realities grabbed you
To the point of not being able to escape
You dealt with it
By not dealing with it

Your doc gave you medicine
To shut it up
Make you feel better
Why be stressed
When everything just feels good?

You got stuck with your children
And were but a child yourself
You had always dreamed of something perfect
But reality taught you something different

Responsibilities broke your back and mind
The pills you popped made it tolerable
But we ran rampant
We learned life's lessons without you

I know you did what you had to do
Or what you were told to do
We all need an escape sometimes
But you escaped your responsibility

We are still here
And not in too bad of shape
You did something right
I thank you for that

You taught me about respect
But I also learned about pain
I learned to also do the opposite
And never let myself be broken

This is a poem I will never read to you, mother
I judge you but I also forgive you

I cannot even imagine
But I've never stopped trying to

What does it take
For a man to bury his dreams
Behind the garage with his gone pets?

Was it responsibility and maturity
To know that the dreams of a child
Weren't obtainable for a man anymore?

Was it because too many people
Said it couldn't be done
The doubt that seeded in
Just added up to lost time
And now there just wasn't enough time?

What does it take
For a man to finally bury his dreams?
Shovel in hand, a cigarette rests in his lips
As he says goodbye
To the dreams he had as a child

We are young
Maybe not forever
Being carefree
Moments don't last

Sometimes our paths are set in stone
Burning out too soon
Leaving someone
A family
Alone

I've learned of you
Through family and friends
The best was always said
You were a best friend
Before a dad

But
You became a dad
Unknowing that the future was short
Two sons, your name
The seeds you planted
Each, each other
Never the same

We have grown up on different paths
Never forgetting
Our father
Who didn't have a choice
To not be there
Because cancer is a ****
Gave you the last time with us
Being sick

We don't judge you
We only miss you
And try to be the men
You would have wanted us to be

Can I count on you be my friend?
To stay and hold my hand
Till the bitter end?

Will you stay through the tough times
When the days are short
The long night comes
As we wait for the light to come back
Will you stand by my side?

Will you help me fight off my demons
And protect me from my sorrows?
Will you teach me to smile again
When I've forgotten how?

Will you love me still
When I'm not being very lovable
Think I'm cute
When I'm just a mess
Be close  
No matter how many miles?

Can I count on you to be my friend?

Carrying a torch
Never being free
Lost and imprisoned
In love with a memory

Something that was lost long ago
Yet never being able to let go
Preventing you from opening up
Making a new start
Bound by the chains surrounding your heart

Although one day your body will give way
Their name will be the last on your breath
Your last thought will be of them
Until the day of your death

Although your light might go out and you yourself expire
Never will the torch
That carries that fire

Looking up at the window
The best you have
Is hoping to fall asleep
But the best you have is memories
The light that crosses your ceiling
Wakes you up and reminds you
You gave up on something
That is down the block by now

You feed me lines
And I let it happen
I cling to hope
That it isn't over
I know it is
When you kiss me
And it isn't real
Out of habit
Lack of desire
Out of time
Out of fire
We tried
We failed
The heat is gone
The change we needed
Was needing to grow
We grew apart
Instead of together
A blind man can see
What we had is gone
Now we walk in separate directions
Further apart
The best is to pretend
All the magic
And laughs and love
Were just pretend
Child's play
Although just a moment
In our existence
Like it never happened

Columbus, Ohio
You're doing good things for me
An educated glance would say
You're not a bad city
Same **** as any other bigger city
But people seem kind

I ride my bike to work
It's not far
Not much trouble
Drivers are mostly considerate
And I am as well
There are a few *****
But
I understand
Some people can't forget about themselves

People seem kind
Happy for the most part
Maybe something is going on here
Young people seem more wise
Older people seem more patient
Maybe it's just me

I do really want to know though
Why does it smell like **** sometimes?
Because I ride a bike
I really have to deal with it
It's funny to an outsider
But not when you get a mouthful

Everyone's **** stinks
But **** Columbus
Can we do something about that?

No matter how dark the night
The sun will come again

What you're asking me now
Is to go and forget
Act like it didn't happen

Don't be hurt
Don't be sad
Don't be heartbroken
Don't be mad

We tried but it didn't work
I can forgive
But wanting me to forget
Makes me ask
How?

Walk out of my life
Without a second glance
From the beginning
Was there ever really a chance?

You toyed with my heart
I was an experiment
It wasn't love for you
I was just convenience

An infinite joke was played upon me
When I realized paradise
Was nothing more than but a dream
The illusion feigned proof
Distorted my reality
Blinded to the truth
Overwhelmed by too much of what I feel
Unaware of my inability to see
Beyond my own hopes
Of making this dream corporeal

Father
I've missed you
I understand it wasn't your choice
The more and more I learn about you
The more it seeps in as reality
In the middle of a personal search
To figure out who is "me"
I did the math and figured out
I'm right at the age that you got the doctor's shout
Nothing lasts forever
With or without
I keep hearing that you were a good man
I believe it
Never a doubt
I wonder what exactly you would expect from me
A father to a son
A father to another
I hope I've made you proud
Yet there is much work left
It's strange really
I'm more familiar with being called dad
Than ever calling someone dad
It's never happened actually
But I get it
In our small encounter together
I will keep you close
Forever
It doesn't matter that you left when I was small
I didn't know any better
You were half of my all
I won't hold it against you
It wasn't your fault
You helped me to see the importance
Of a father's part
I wish you were here
So I could talk to my dad
So I could tell you about everything
What I've done
Where I've been
Whom I've met
The man I have become
You or I never got asked for this
It's okay though
Without even really knowing you
I know I miss you
People are happy to meet me
Knowing I am your son
That is both of our faults
Because you were such a cool guy