My body is ****** but not pure,
My troubles rely within myself but never are shown
Someone lead me the way to success for I am lost within failure
Dig for me, for I am buried in my dreams
Listen to my silent cries for help
Read my mind
Help

Troubled eyes in disguise
lips spilling lies
long nights , silent cries
only living for the highs
all we do is categorize
left to agonize
in the mirror, you criticize
slowly to dehumanize
trying to normalize
dreams of going past those starry skies
oh those starry skies, oh those starry skies
it's okay because eventually
everything ... everything dies

The emptiness lies beneath my laugh
my tears are behind the eyes of this actress of a girl
pretending to be living when she is dead

she was yellow
she was filled with sunflowers and sunshine
she slowly started to manifest into a faded orange
she was fall, she was a tasty bitter orange
she then sprouted a color of blue
she was the ocean , she was the sky, she was sapphire
over night she became grey
she was the moon , she was the clouds on a rainy day
she was yellow
now
*she is grey

Im trapped in a dead body
A mind of insanity
And a soul of hope
My brain has rotted in the ground of American humanity
I am lost on the depths of normalization
I’m tired
I’m broken
I’m the living dead

I'm tired of being alive
I'm tired of not wanting to be alive
I'm tired of having responsibilities
I'm tired of pretending like everything is okay
I'm tired of going to a house that 'im suppose to call my “home ” but it’s not that at all
Its a roof over my head to keep me warm but not to keep me sane
I'm insane
I'm tired of thinking i'm insane
I'm tired of arguing
I'm tired of having to put in headphones to block out the world
I'm tired of living in a world where money is the number one priority because without money you have nothing
I'm tired of the world
i'm tired of writing about my feelings
I'm tired of hiding my feelings
I'm tired of feelings
I'm tired of thinking
I'm tired of breathing
I'm tired of being tired ..

-n.a.

To be free*
i will need to
**** this mind , ****** it , throw it down the stream of melancholia
tear these dramatic thoughts apart , make them yell like they made me inside
stab these tears , i want nothing to do with them
make them cry
break this heart , replace it with a ice cold diamond
leave my old body to rot in a ground surrounded by a million fresh daisies
take my soul somewhere it can sway with rhythms of wind
where it can sing till bursts into thousand stars
let me take my first real breathe of joy and euphoria
set me free


n.a.

Hear the lifeless yawn
hear the tic toking of the clocks that surround you
you're in constant rewind
a cycle of mediocre living
you are a puppet

She gazes up at the sky through the car window wanting nothing but to disappear
she is overwhelmed with sadness
her sadness is hidden
she wears a mask of makeup and a smile

n.a.

She is blue like the sea
staring into her eyes is like staring into a black whole in space  
empty but with great mystery
her mind is her home
She laughs at the thought of existence
Then sheds a tear

N.a.

excuse me while i slip in to something a little more comfortable
a costume of the average dead eyed pretending human being
excuse me while i enter a world where the outcasts are looked at as monsters and the real monsters are disguised as leaders and role models
everyone is a doppelganger of everyone

Your mind wanders in a maze of insanity
Your silence is deathly
thoughts riot your brain
you stare at this stranger in the mirror everyday
apparently their your "reflection"
your aware of your flaws and scared of your future
you will die misunderstood  
you are the bottom of the ocean
you are a walking question mark
you are the missing puzzle piece of your only puzzle
you are your own enemy and your own hero
your existence is only temporary and that it what is saving you

She longed to just disappear into into wind
What a beautiful bliss that would be for her
She craves the feeling of freedom
She lived her life as a controlled machine
She longed to just disappear
What a beautiful bliss
Her eyes scream for her
She is nothing but a beating heart and a controlled mind
she is deranged
she is stuck
she is you
we are her  


-n.a