Smile,
When there is no happiness.

Cry,
Even when your tears have run dry.

Try,
Even if you have nothing to try for.

My perfect batman boy,
You make me think happy thoughts.

I am your weird little batgirl,
Forever we will be.

Batman,
And,
Me.

Your lips,
Are sweeter than honey.

Your smile,
Is more addictive than *******.

Your eyes,
Are so intoxicating its like perfume.

Your laugh,
Is music to me.

You,
Are perfect for me.

These bruises,
Bring so much pain,
It's a wonder how I'm alive.

I can feel the air coming into me,
Filling this hollow cavity.

I act as if I feel nothing,
But the pain you bring me,
Makes me feel everything.

You bend me,
You break me,
Telling me you're making the,
"Perfect me".

This thing,
This,
Abuse.
Escorts self-hate into my life.

Makes me hate me,
And what I am.

I wish I was nothing,
Even if I truly am something.

The bruises you leave,
Decorate my body like graffiti,
Splotches of purples, pinks, and blues,
My body, the canvas.

I feel nothing,
I feel everything.

Abuse.
Why?

It's not what you do,
That makes you perfect.

It's how you do it,
Why you do it.

Your messed up,
But you've gotten through it.

You've been hurt,
It's happened before.

But still with you,
I can't help but adore.

The tires run quickly across the ice,
They slowly disappear in time.

The ice slowly disappears with it,
All in time.

All in time.

If all roads lead to Rome,
May I go to Rome?

I no longer wish to be,
Home.

Babys,
From there giggles,
To there smiles,
Babies can make life worth while.

They can give you,
Many sleepless nights,
Or many cuddle fights.

From their kisses and hugs,
Babies are probably one of the best things to love.

She feels your eyes cascading down her body,
She cry as you try to kiss her once again.

Your drunken state cannot do this justice,
But your drunken kiss is not something she will miss.

She feels broken,
From the countless times she has been hurt.

He tries to hurt her again,
She screams from all of the pain.

If there would be fire,
It would light his desire,
Or his drunken breath on fire.

He laughs when she screams,
She cannot believe she has to feel these things.

He has hurt her,
She is wondering how long until,
She gives in to the pain,
And gives her life away.

The beauty in pain,
Is pain is beauty.

How would that work you may ask.
The more pain and suffering you have taken,
The more wise and beautiful you become.

You know how it feels to be at your lowest,
And you know how amazing it is to be at you highest.

Weather or not you are happy,
You are beautiful,
Because you know,
How it feels to be ugly.

Ugly is not a feature,
But an action.

The way you act says if you are beautiful,
If you disagree,
That is your choice,
But from what I see actions,
Control beauty.

Beauty is in the actions,
Not the features.

Becca,
The wide eyed beauty,
She sits across from me.

Filling my eyes with wonder,
With her small little comments.

Math.
Seems to be her weak suit,
But thats what I'm here for.

From her little baby pictures,
Or the Mayday Parade thing,
On her wall,
Becca never seems to fail at shocking us all.

Little Nurse Becca,
Filled With Curiosity,
My little inspiration,
Saying,
Write one about me!

I don't believe I have ever felt so alone in a crowded room,
At the same time I was next to you,
You were talking like we were best friends,
But in all honesty,
We were never friends.

I'm a dreamer,
But I don't believe they come true.

I believe in love,
But I don't believe many people have it.

I believe in hope,
But I cannot find it.

I believe in happiness,
But I don't think it is achievable.

I believe in beauty,
But I cannot acquire it.

I would believe in me,
But I don't want to.

Best friends are friends,
That promise they won't end.

True friends are friends,
That are honest when they say they won't end.

I believe color,
Is a beautiful,
Superficial thing.

I believe darkness,
Holds beauty,
Very few can see.

Color,
And,
Darkness don't mingle.

Darkness,
Understands the light,
But doesn't like it's fake feel.

Color,
Doesn't understand the dark,
Because it isn't color.

Brandy, the beautiful punk-rock girl,
Her personality,
Could light the whole world.

Her black and blue nerd glasses,
Help her see right past us.

Her wicked nose piercing,
Is piercing our souls,
Showing us what her words cannot hold.

She makes me smile,
With her never ending smile,
Shows us, that you don't need to be sad,
With Brandy you can be very glad.

Brandy,
The Beautiful Punk-Rock Girl

I'm breaking at the seams.

I'm as torn as it seems.

I'm crying nonexistent tears.

Each one holding each of my fears.

I breath in the same air as many before me.
Maybe someone famous or someone glorious breathed this before me.
Maybe someone sad or someone depressed stood in the same place as me.
All I know is they probably would never understand me.
Or maybe they will..
Who knows,
But in all honesty they were here before me.

Love,
It brings out a different side of me.

The happier,
Brighter side of me.

Your love,
It does something different to me.

It darkens,
My personality.

It's like a dark curse,
Has been put over me.

He looks down at his bruises,
The bullies they do this.

She looks down at her scars,
The bullying went way to far.

He smiles,
But the bullying has broken his heart.

The bruises, scars, and broken hearts,
Show nothing in comparison,
To the mental scars.

Why can't they like me,
Why do they hurt me.

These questions come to them,
Daily.

Have you heard these wretched names?
Ugly
Fake
Or even,
Clinically Insane

Have you ever stopped to think,
The pain has made them this way?

No they are not,
Ugly .

No they are not,
Fake .

Never have they been,
Clinically Insane .

But this pain,
Is more potent ,
Then red wine,
On white sheets.

Causing them not to,
Laugh,
Smile,
Or wish to breath.

Bullying,
Don't you see what you have done?

This pain,
Cannot be undone.

People are like caterpillars.
We all start out the same but we all change.

I don't have many close friends.

I don't see a reason to have them.

They do everything a journal can do.

The only difference is journals can't talk.

But sometimes that's better.

Clowns smile.
Clowns frown.

Maybe behind that clowns smile is a face that is nothing but down.
And maybe behind that clowns from is a smile that goes on for miles.

Maybe there happiness,
Is all an act.

And maybe their sadness
Is all an act.

Maybe their entire life is an,
Balancing act.

Coconuts,
Fall from the tree's,
Knocking passerby's unconscious.

They can give us sweet milk,
Or what the locals would call "meat",
But I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of meat I usually eat.

Long distance.
Short distance.

The commitment is what matters.

I sit on the floor,
My emotions surrounding me.

We are having a tea party,
Don't you see?

Mr. Sadness,
He has a cold cup of tea,
No sugar though,
He must be bitter not sweet.

Happiness,
She called in sick,
She will attend another time.

Mr. Depression,
He is sitting next to Mr. Sadness,
They are both sitting quietly,
Stirring their bitter cups of tea.

Why stir the cup?
Nothing bitter can become sweet,
Especially when Happiness didn't attend the party.

Dalton, Is the tall boys name.
Without him this place would change.

He's rather weird,
But laughs with us all.

The tall skinny boy,
With dogs and birds on his wall.

He can't seem to sit still,
Like a bird,
His heart beats to his own will.

I stare at my screen,
Where it once read your name,
It pains and it aches,
Knowing it won't read it again.

It hurts so bad,
This pain inside,
It's about these dumb feelings,
The ones I can't hide.

I feel so hurt,
That you told her,
About how we were,
"Meant to be"
And yet you can't seem,
To find the time to speak to me.

I thought we were friends,
The best at first,
But you told me you liked me,
Then our friendship was more you,
Being a flirt.

Yes,
In time I began to flirt,
But that didn't mean,
I liked you at first.

It's kinda insane,
That I grew to like you,
But you don't understand,
Is I liked him too.

I liked him first,
I wanted him first.

But when we get together,
Your presence seemed to disperse.

I started to like you...
Yes it's true,

Dear dot dot dot,
I really did like you..

You'll try to pull your heart back together like a piece of art that you got rid of,
And he will kiss you,
Kiss you like he isn't the one holding a gun to your neck whispering the sweet words,
Do it.

And you'll be so happy because you're no longer fighting for him,
But within the weeks your heart will once again feel like he took an iron and placed it there
Telling you,
Here. Hold this for me.

You'll see him around, probably with another girl,
And you'll ache because she's "prettier" then you.

And your friends will do anything to distract you,
Some of them might even say you're better off,
But you'll feel like you're about to throw up at the thought of that.

Because you're holding so tightly to your heart because you feel it might fall out of your chest if you let go.

You’ll hold the duvet over your head,
Afraid of what you might see if you let it go.
Afraid he might be gone again.

And he'll come back, telling you the wonderful words,
I still love you.
And you'll break at the thought of him leaving again.

But you'll give him your heart wholeheartedly because you love him.

But he doesn't,
Soon you'll realize the game being played,
But you won't care.

It'll come to you late at night sometimes,
The nights when he's "loving" someone else.

And it will hurt like hell,
And you’ll claim that you’re done

And one day you will be
But as of now you haven’t been.

But I’ve always been one to surprise people.

Do you know how to keep a secret?

Well here is mine,
I am breaking,
Falling apart.

You are hurting me,
Despite the times I told you I was fine.

My heart is tearing in its own time,
Quickly and painfully.

I'm hurt so bad.

But I'm not sure how to tell you.

He is hiding.

He is crying.

He is dying.

Elephants..
Stomping the ground with a mighty force.
They have more power then a horse.
Can pull with a ton of more force.
Their trunks is there only source of air.

Emptiness,
It just leaves more room,
For happiness.

So open your crystal heart,
The happiness will seep in.

I feel so lost.
Like nothing matters but finding my way.

But my way has been concealed.
Taken from me.

Its like I have become blind,
Everyway has gone into hiding.

So which way do I take?

When did we become this?
When did you begin to make me happy?
When did I await your messages to no end?

Why can't I describe these feelings?
These beautiful feelings,
But they are only beautiful because they are about you, you see,
Without you I wouldn't understand beauty.

You make me smile like an idiot,
And blush hotter then the sun.

Baby,
Don't you see what I've become?

I'm becoming a girl,
Who is helplessly in love with you.

Please stop me,
Unless your planning on catching me,
Because when I fall,
I will fall hard.

I am afraid of,
You.

But also I am not,
I am afraid of what could be done,
But what won't.

I am afraid of being left,
If I am left,
Then I won't have anything to fear.

But how would I exist,
Without fear,
I'm afraid of fear.

Fear,
Is what defines me,
Fear is not what it is,
But what it isn't.

There are three thing that scare me.
Spiders,
Love,
And that no one will ever love me.

The first one is probably the most logical,
For you don't think that a person of my age,
Can be afraid of the last two things.

But you see I may be 13 physically,
But I have been through so much I could pass as,
43,
Mentally.

I have been through pain,
Loss,
Heartbreak,
Depression,
So I have pretty much been through hell and back.

But my experiences make me the lady I am today.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Because if it was different,
I wouldn't be able to write the way I can today.

"I have to go" he mumbles into his pillow.
"Don't leave me." She whispers, her voice showing her fear.

"The darkness is where my fears lurk."

Tires on the ice,
The moving,
The sliding,
Where do they go now?
What do they do after this?

They feel so out of control,
Round and Round they go,
Which way they don't know.

They slowly wither down,
With each patch of ice given,
They are spinning so much,
They don't know they are spinning.

Now they get replaced,
They are finally done spinning.

That's it I'm finished,
I want to die more,
And more every time I cry.

Let's just say I have cried a lot.

The broken heart.

The crying girl.

Her life sent into a bright white whirl.

He found her.

Broken and bleeding.

Crying and pleading.

He grabbed her hand.

Held her close.

Told her she wasn't like most.

He made her feel warm.

She forgot about the cold.

When she tried to remember he handed her a jacket.

He kept her warm.

She hopes never to feel cold.

He promised to keep her heart warm.

Even when his is solid ice.

Gesia,
The beautiful brown haired girl.

Her personality is beautiful,
Like a little girls first smile.

She only seems to see the best in people,
Never looking for the worst.

She is so nice it is scary,
Her happiness seems to be intoxicating.

Gesia,
The beautiful brown haired girl.

You have no idea,
The effect people have had on you,
Until they are gone.

He was a great person,
A great kid.

Too smart,
He should have known,
Not to do this.

I'm in pain,
Your death,
Hitting me like a bullet to the brain.

I can feel tragedy,
Flying around me,
Like a haywire freight train.

Suicide,
Seemed to have been the answer.

Micheal,
I am not religious,
But you will be a glorious angel.

I slowly look into your eyes,
They are a muddy green,
But lifeless.

Green used to be my favorite color,
But now that I have seen your eyes,
You're all I think of when I see that horrid color.

It makes me wonder,
Why would your eyes be my favorite color?
Perhaps to hurt another part of me,
You ruined another thing for me.

I have a slight addiction,
My obsession with your eyes is more powerful,
Then a drug addiction.

I see the color of your eyes,
Filling the skies,
The same colors as blue birds that soar in the sky.

I really enjoy the tingly feeling,
That you give me.

You give me the happiness,
I have been without for so long.

I was in need of something powerful,
To fill my days with joy,
But you gave me something more,
Potent then red wine on white sheets..

Filling my eyes with joy,
Each word you choose to speak.

If hatred is a strong emotion,
How are you still standing?

Because,
My hatred is very strong when it comes to you.

Her smile, proves nothing but she can act.

His smile is intoxicating.
I can't help but smile with him..

His lips seem so kissable.
May I kiss them?

His blush is adorable.
I hope he doesn't mind if I make it worse.

You make me smile,
Like a idiot.

I blush,
Like a crazy little girl.

My smile,
Is actually real around you.

Thank you,
You showed me what happiness feels like.

I writher in agony,
Feeling the bruises coming to my body.

I try to scream,
But my throat runs dry.

Sobs rip through me,
At an undying pace.

I feel myself being maimed,
My body has been marked painfully.

I smell the sicking musky scent,
He continuously applies.

My sobs are getting worse,
The pain becoming unbearable.

I am numb,
Feeling nothing,
But still feeling everything.

My body is a canvas,
Of multi-colored graffiti.

Bruises scattered here and there,
Repeatedly.

I cannot move easily,
I am moving painfully.

I am hurt,
I’m pained,
Not only physically,
But mentally as well.