Sometimes when people write my name,
They write GREAT
And it reminds me
It’s not so bad to be a mistake

see these ivory bones?
they were erected like tombstones
infant hope from moon light
don't be scared of the memories
i left them behind
i hope you will remember me
a skeletal dot in history
the human mark is a body
once larger than life
now resting lifeless
leaving more than ivory bones

I have no expectation for things to last.
Everything has a clock, an expiration date, an erosive half-life.
After taking stock of my current relationships,
I realized I'm hesitant to invest in people
because I don't think people will stick around.

People change.
People leave.

And for people who don't deal with change well
like me
that means
a sort of implosion.
Humans constantly assume different roles.

Mothers become grandmothers,
friends become strangers,
brothers become fathers.

With that, even family will leave you behind--
out of sight out of mind.
And I haven't been thought of in such a long time
I begin to think
no one will ever see me again.
Now I'm just wishing I can be useful in some way, so I can stop feeling like the world is tired of carrying me.

I sit,
watching people pass by as their world changes,
and mine falls apart.

You're the only one
who could defeat you
And you do it everyday
Like you've been training
To be the boxer
And you are your only
Punching bag

These past two days have come and gone,
I sat on my bed from dusk till dawn,
I couldn't stop thinking of you for a single minute,
People told me to do something... but I didn't,

I refused to listen,
I refused to hear,
All I cared about,
Was my sweet dear,

I closed my eyes and imagined your face,
We raced off together to a beautiful place,

We huggled,
We snuggled,
We laughed and we cried,
I wiped the teardrops away from your eye,

Don't worry my dear,
Everything will be all right,
When you lie down for bed,
Think of me saying, "Goodnight."

It has been a rough ride. Life turns so quickly, I still feel sea legs and motion sickness.
There's a saying, "A year ago I never would have imagined I'd be where I am today."
I think that's true.
I also think humans are ****** life planners.

I hope my presence wasn't too overbearing. Often, people made me feel like my physical presence, audible words, and oxygen consumption were inherently pretentious of me.
I never thought people thought much of me.
Those of you who voiced your love, it made all the difference.

Perfection was never within my reach.
My failures are too numerous to count; some too humiliating to admit.
But I tried.
Please understand my imperfection, and if forgiveness is requisite, I hope you can.
Forgiveness is a noble strength; be stronger than I was.

I know that God is real, and loves us.
I guess I need Him to tell me personally. Right now love feels like ash, and humanity is the flame.
This isn't the end of me. I want to belong somewhere.

Don't ask, "Why did he go?"
Rather, "Why didn't he feel like he could stay?"


G

No one has told me
I should feel anything but
worthless

I used to think I
Simply had to try harder
Now it's too hard
To try at all

One day I was happy
The next I was sad
The day after I was gone

I am not fireproof
Be careful how you burn me

With your words of hate
Torch my clothes of confidence
Hiding my insecurity

With your words of ignorance
That singe the self-esteem
I've been building for years

Hot as hell, words are more powerful
than sticks or stones.

Words can save a life in the
furnace of friendship.

Words can destroy a life with the
wildfire of loose tongues.

My life is a monologue--
No one auditioned for the play
Here I am fumbling,
Forgetting what to say

The subway air feels like pudding. It's thick, and as clingy as water. When you take a shower at night - and you should always take a shower at night, unless you want to sleep with the city - you can feel the air instantly liquify and drain away.

The memories leave marks on your skin, if you let them. The bruises on your sides from bumping unique people;  the cut on your head from hitting a pole; the ache in your heels from walking too far. You're experiences hang on your skin, and shine through your eyes.

New York is unique because of her variety. She's strong because of her diversity. She grows because of her adaptability. New York is a jungle of human-animals trying to survive.

The smell of opportunity is stronger than the potent *** of other smells: the *****, rodent-infested tracks, frequent homeless sleeping quarters, grungy, old costumes on Times Square.

She is life; she is alive.

If you're alone or together you are always a part - a piece that makes it what it is. Without you the city survives. She has, and will. But without you, she's not what she is with you. Even if she tried.

People flow trough her streets as uniquely as blood runs through your veins. The heart orchestrates the motion, while the blood does the dance. she lives and breaths through each person's lungs. Each one arrives for a particular reason - even if for no reason at all. Our arrival helps her breath.

The anticipation before arriving in New York - not the Big Apple, no one calls it that - is enough to deprive a voyager of sleep on incoming flights. Even at 11:45 p.m. The jungle of buildings, built in perfect chaos testifies someone saw the bigger picture. A person may only see a foot, or a year in front of their face. New York saw far ahead, and high above.

Everyone is welcome. Some never leave. Permanently or temporarily, New York will take you in as long as you stay. She may hold on a little too long.

buried deep
inside
of me
this grief has
gravity
be gentle with my
memory
it’s the only piece you’ll
have
of me

Between a baby's first word
And a deathbed confession
There are plenty of times
For God to say,
“I told you so.”

I
will
quietly
slip unnoticed
out
of this broken
world

I feel like I will break your heart
Despite my best efforts
Because my best is often not enough
For people I like

From day to day I might not change
Despite your best efforts
Because your best is often not enough
For someone like me

My body is hollowed from the outside
My soul is spilling out
Soon I’ll only be a rusty tap
Drip drip drip drip
I am your repetition

Please protect yourself
If you’re going to love me
It will be a war
From which we won't return

This shell-shock attitude;
I am broken
A veteran trying to make sense of
Warless times

The nightmares illuminate my dreams
I lose sleep staring at eyes
I will never see

Here is your warning:
I love you.
Here is your death sentence:
You love me too.

I’m not good at being forward
I have this habit of becoming disordered
I let my emotions change the color of my sleeve
In my aspirations I hope to find belief
I walk through jungles and rainforests
Once in a while I see through the canopy
Into the skies of my memories
And request that stars dance to the rhythm of us
I keep them alive to avoid the gathering of dust
My memories, caught in the Pensieve of your eyes
Have ignored all the times I told myself lies
I may not be your ideal Superman
But I’d accept Peter Pan if you’ll go with me to Neverland
I’ve rarely been so captivated by a girl
Sure, Zooey Deschanel is quirky in New Girl
And Emma Watson bewitched me from the start
Anna Kendrick was perfect in Pitch Perfect
Alex Morgan is the luckiest 13 I’ve ever seen
But I choose you! To fill my canteen
You quench my thirst when the loneliness dries me
I was not made to walk in a desert
My heart is an amphibian
Living like a Floridian in the ice-cold tundra we call Rexburg
You still need the sun, no matter how much it snows
I’ll trudge on in the jungle; dormant in the night
I’ll carry on with you in mind, until the time is right
Once I’ve faced death, or even a spider
Then, I think I’ll top the greats; George of the Jungle, Aslan, Mogly, Tarzan, Batman, Peter Pan, Harry Potter, Genghis Kahn, Michael… Jackson or Jordan
They’re all kings and I’ll be in their league
As I shake off the fatigue and find courage in you
To make it through the awkward moment of simply saying
“You’re a real kind of gorgeous”
In that chorus, played on my rhythm of heartbeats
I found my way out of the back streets
From deep in the jungle I’ve come to know as Fear
A jungle that disappears when your presence is near
Sometimes I have to stop walking, stop thinking
I feel like I’m on the verge of something spectacular
Anything normal might ruin that

In my life I have come to find that opportunity always wears a mask
A hidden door or path that we could walk and find adventure
   or through the chance to perform a heroic task
Opportunity is not the girl who gives in too easy
Opportunity plays harder to get than that girl you have chased after for so long
In the footrace of life we are in constant motion
Looking for opportunities to ask Opportunity for an opportunity
Love, success, failure or risk
Broken hearts are just doors left cracked open
Illuminated by the light within showing the inside to possibility
Opportunity takes a broken heart, an open door, a creaky floor
And can send that person who will seal the cracks
An angel that can pass a wand or use some weird dust
   to heal the scars other may have left when they ripped open your chest
On the way out, they didn’t bother slamming to door
They left it open for the world to see you crying on the floor
As their steps fade away and the creaks stop in silence
Opportunity has a chance to whisper peace to your soul
In the emptiness and solitude of a dim and dusty heart
Opportunity often sends a person to clean the mess and turn you into the very best
Puzzles are great for the challenge each piece embodies
Once in the sum you lose sight of that one that drove you to the edge of sanity
So take the chances that Opportunity gives you
When they come a piece at a time, put it in your pocket and hold on
Like a lovers sacred locket, the pictures emulate what we define as fate
Eternity is made one moment at a time

If you are going to shine in this world,
it is essential to know:

You will cast shadows.

People will hate you for
the darkness,
instead of praising you
for clarity.

They called it weakness
You called it ashes
Regardless from
Where you came
You were born into
This strength

If a broken heart is the only place I can hold you
Then I’ll tape up the cracks
so that my feelings don’t drip away
Under that kind of pressure,
how could you ever stand up to measure
my feelings for you?
You don’t even know how I dream of you at night
Even though my heart is breaking
and my hope is like smoke between my fingers
I hold on and chase it down
I would stop the wind
and reverse the hands of time
fighting Father Time for even a second more together
I would bribe and beg Mother Nature
And I pray to God that you can feel my feelings for you
So you’ll know what I’m willing to do
With a broken heart, I’d break it in two
just to scoop you up and protect you
I’d give you all the pieces I can find,
scattered on the floor
Even if it looks like the work of Picasso
It’s all I have, so…
I give it up into your trust
With hopeless, heartless,
complete confidence in you

Amazing how great
the
p  i  e  c  e  s
of a
b  r  o  k  e  n
heart weigh

I’ve dumped thousands of words from the slide of my pen
Into the pools of my paper
An amusement park to clear my mind and regain feelings in my heart
But it’s been a long time since my heart bled onto these pages
Words that I cannot vocalize
Words for you that can't convey the intended emotion

Lately, in my solitude I dream of you and your gorgeous smile
It makes the butterflies in my stomach jump around like they just bought a trampoline
When I nap, I think of you
When my back needs scratched I ache for your hands
How perfect they would be to hold
When I look at the stars I can see the sparkle in your eyes

Not to be redundant or cliché
I could write about you and all the things I admire
But we have taken our time – so no rush now
Give me the time and I can show you how to really be happy
Like kids on a swing set

You opened my chest like banquet doors before the feast
And I want to give you your fill
All you can take in your own heart, and more
My love is my offer; this is my score.

She's the kind of beautiful that pictures aren't honest about
Because some images are worth endless words

I'm a lump of coal
Looking for a diamond
Who remembers what it's like
To not believe in yourself;
Who's willing to wait for me
To finally show what I'm worth

I can hear my life
Complaining
About all the things
I have not
Let it be

I can hear my potential
Chastising
My laziness and mediocrity
In a single
Breath

If you asked nicely
My shoes would whisper
Stories of the horizons you
Have yet to meet

She jumped from love to love
Faster than falling rain

The blurry world in my eyes
My flimsy knees like grain of rye
Open mouth and silly yawn
Snap my fingers and I’m gone

You’re the kind of girl
That makes heaven regret
Ever letting you go
It was the biggest mistake
Since She took a bite of the fruit

You’re the kind of girl
To make honorable men better
And scoundrels too
You’re one of the angles God personally knows
He sent you to save the world
From hopelessness and
Lack-luster dreams

You’re the kind of girl
Makes an optimist a realist
Because you’re really here
It’s not just hope in his heart

You’re the kind of girl*
Movies are made of,
Flowers are bought for,
And lives are lived

The light is too shy to dance with their breath.
Shivering German roads love the massage of Jewish feet.
If only the Angles weren’t too busy with me;
Tommy called me dumb and I needed God’s help.

Not even a pocket full of posies can scent moldy dreams.
24 is too young to give up, but old enough to be tired of fighting.
Our future has seen too many yesterdays to wait for tomorrow.
The world holds life together by thin threads we’re too eager to cut.

I dive in without checking there's water in
the pool.

I look to the stars
As if I will make their
Acquaintance
I look to you
As if you weren’t
Bright enough

As the sun comes up
And I say goodbye
To my dreams
Reality reminds me
You’re always with me

What is lost in the fire
will be found in the ashes
If I am willing to endure
this inevitable rebirth

I live inside thundering skies
Disguised by silence in my eyes
So walk with me through summer fields
You’ll never know the things I feel
Protect yourself and run away
But in the storm I stay
I stay until the end
To know where my heart begins
The darkness here is too great to bear
This life is anything but fair
So leave me behind and let me go

You will find no cross
There will be no stone
On the side of the road
On your way back home

We texted back and forth about how fine things were
Silent calls for help for the hell
We were wanderers
I said things like, “What does sadness sound like?”
To which she replied, “It sounds like me”
We had each other in voiceless thoughts
That were gathered in the energy of eternity
I hope she’ll find the hope she gave
On hopeless days
When it was all planned to end
I hope to see the words she prayed
Tattooed across my chest reminding me:
I was never alone
Hearts that yearned for the other’s joy
We continued to walk through hell
Unknowingly side by side

We are superheroes
Who simply haven't found
our masks
And are too shy to
let people see
Who we really are

You spent so long
telling me
To go **** myself
I should forgive you
Or forget you
In whatever order
That doesn’t make
me question
What love is supposed
To feel like

She pulls the curtain
Self-consciously her head bows
Standing ovation

It's humbling to realize
How quickly
How often
How easily
We are forgotten.

I am not a Phoenix waiting for rebirth
I am a silly boy dressed in feathers
thinking that Mardi Gras could bring me joy
I am not trying to disguise a part of me
I am trying to become something new entirely

If my life is just
The dream of some god
I hope he remembers
            me
When he wakes up

I am living on my own
I am better suited in a community
I haven’t had reason to use my voice
Since she stopped talking to me

On sunny days I go out
Hoping someone will talk to me
Even if it’s just,
“What the hell are you looking at?”
Staring is awkward

But I could say,
“I see you,”
Like when we play peek-a-boo
With infants
Before we forgot what laughter
Was supposed to sound like
Now laughter sounds like my voice
Silence.

I just want to answer a question
Which wasn’t posed by myself
Remember the line about
"We were all meant to shine
Like children do,
Because the glory of God is in each of us?"
Well sometimes I think
The glory of God
Looks too much like Seattle in springtime
Overcast and drizzly

His glory is in us
But we don’t let it out
Because of how scared we are
Of seeing ourselves in the light
Mistakes are masked
In the dust and darkness

Our broken-heart pieces are stored
On shelves high out of reach
Childish hopes and dreams
Have long since given up
Trying to believe
They will ever learn to walk

I'll show you we had a spark
Even if I have to burn us down

Reese’s Pieces are for people who
Are used to picking up the pieces
Of broken hearts
But they still want to make it
A good experience
Smiles that look like peanut butter
And kisses that taste like chocolate

Butterfingers are for the kids who
Are used to being picked last for
Everything except to cheat off of
In math class
They’ve grown accustomed to
Not being thought of

Popular kids like the M&Ms;
Because in the end
What else do they have except
For the stories of muses
And the parties they attended
One-by-one they picked apart
Everyone who didn’t act just like them

Pop Rocks are terrible and
So are Peppermint Patties

Crunch bars and 100 Grand’s
Made the jocks think they would actually
Go somewhere and do something
With their lives
Hope comes in strange forms
Monkeys don’t know the difference

Kit-Kats are for the hipsters
Talking a little too loud about mustaches
Listening to music that nobody knew
Grouping around vegan lunch tables
They would break off one by one
When another clique accepted them

Anything made by ***** Wonka
Was a favorite of the kids who
Knew who they were and
Weren’t ashamed

After all, what does candy say
About any of us
Clothes and shoes
Were only disguises
To hide us from the world we
Desperately wanted to fit into
If you had a Five Star notebook
Started mattering a lifetime too soon

When I step into the convenience store
I picture the kids that I know
Because of the candy they ate
I regret having such a sweet tooth
To pick apart kids’ lives
With nothing to satisfy the bitter
After-taste of social humiliation

When I was 16 I almost drowned
I swallowed enough water to sink
Any ambitions to become a sailor
The water tasted a lot like my pride
It left an after taste bitter enough
To humble a King

What we take from the world
Is simply a reflection of
Who we are inside
If you feel like the sun is avoiding you
Like your ex-girlfriend
Then visit the dentist and make your smile
Bright enough to get by
The crowded streets of downtown
Aren’t filled with inept *******
Just you, who isn’t willing to see
That everyone has pain in their eyes
No matter how well they disguise
Their recent demise with ties and lies
Bought online

We fall into the chasm of doubt
That high-fives gravity because
They got you to fall
Change who you are and you’ll
Literally change your world
Because everything reflects
Our character instead of our appearance
Except for cursed glass that
Became a mirror

When you’re tempted to doubt
The goodness of life
Remember that life is what you make it
When God writes your conclusion
To your life’s dissertation
It will simply be a story
Of the dreams you had the courage
To chase

You have nothing to fear
Not even fear itself
Because you are the owner
Of happiness and peace
Enough for yourself if you’re
Willing to share

When I was 16 I almost drowned
I was resuscitated and spit out
My pride and coughed up my ego
To breath in the world
Through unbiased purity
Now I can finally see
I left that ignorant part of me
To fend for himself
I was never a good swimmer

she laughs
like a chandelier
that could outshine the
sun

My friend is gone
We’ve gone our ways
So here’s a toast
For better days

I see your face
From time to time
Your heart beats loud
Along with mine

But I walk alone
Because life moves fast
Each day is gold
It won’t last

Enjoy the place
And people too
In the end
They’ll get you through

In this life
Or in the next
God, I know
Will give us rest

When I’m gone, please
Speak well of me