We are simple raindrops
Swinging in the storm
And for a single moment
The fall isn’t bad at all

Thunder cracks
Resurrects our hearts from
An early grave
And we smile louder than
The universe

Lightning arrives
It makes the nighttime
Come alive
Suddenly we realize
The darkness will never win

We are simple raindrops
Swinging in the storm
As though this could start
Something more beautiful

I arrived at your house this morning, and snuck through the front door.
You father didn't hear and your mother didn't see.
The steep stairs creaked as we followed our quick-moving feet.
In secret nooks that look like your mind, we whispered secrets that could have changed the world;
Your mind is brighter than the dim fluorescent lights.
It makes me feel more human to hear what your heart and mind have agreed upon.
Mostly the world needs more compassion, to allow people to be more than what they're labeled.
You may be a Jew, but you're also a human.
I may be a man, but I'm also a human.
Every human has this in common.
When I saw your room, I lost the fight with my tears.
Your ambition and hope suffered for years.
And so, Anne Frank, I will remember you.
Humans are more than strangers, and freedom is more than living.
I won't take either for granted.

I crave silence when you speak to me
Words are typically weapons
And I’m not used to compliments
Your company is desperately unfulfilling

Hiding is so much easier than
Feeling warm embraces
I’m anxious your arms are chains
Your heart is a fire

I’m a witch on trial
For unproven crimes
That only I’ve seen
Only I know what lurks
Behind my restless eyes

Doubts and fears that repel
Those like yourself
Strength can be seen
In someone unwilling
To give up on someone
Who already gave up
On
Himself

Speak strong and hug hard
Because the silence and chains
Are all I’ve known
Please prove me wrong
Or end me quickly

She makes perfection
feel like
it needs
to keep trying.

If you have never seen a baby dream,
you know nothing bout longing;
About missing a divine place to come here.
Such innocence swaddled in such a small body without control.
They communicate with God
more effectively than any prayer I’ve ever heard.
So take a lesson from babies and children
to learn how to really be men
With a racing heart that should be in a marathoner,
he struggles to open his eyes and wake.
Their heavy breathing is the only sign of the errands
they still run in heaven.
They quiver their lips as if to tell you a secret only God knows,
but has been dying to share – he just needed more innocent lips
When their eyes close they revisit that heaven they just left;
seeing more than our eyes could ever tell
In their inexperienced bodies their eternal spirits struggle to move
Even as my arm goes numb
he’s the only thing that I should be holding in that moment
His sweetness makes me want to be a little bit... more
As I think “what will you be one day?”
I realize it doesn’t matter
That today he makes me a little better
The first time he squeezed my hand I knew it was God
who picked us a millennia ago
to live this life as uncle and nephew

My heart is a tomb I sealed with a stone
I am patiently waiting for resurrection
But the last year has been the longest three days of my life
As I keep waiting for heaven I can't stop thinking of hell
And wonder, if this wasn't like when Lucifer fell
He left the presence of God with his plan in hand
Thinking, "if only they'd understand"
Now he lurks in my mind
hiding in shadows
My candle-lit lanterns aren't bright enough to expel all of my doubts
So I bare before congregations the shouts of my belief
Like I believe i'm worth all the effort of this plan
Like God's arm doesn't tire from always extending his hand
Like there's something better than a sealed-tomb heart
On the morning of resurrection I wonder what I'll see
I wonder what I'll be
Because being me feels like darkness grew legs
I've been walking around casting shadows, mixing white and black
On a paint palate and leaving the world grey
I've nothing of value to say
so the world is a little more bleak
People are tired of my grey streak across their life portraits
Of goals and dreams and even accepted realities
Like they stopped praying to God for a miracle because those don't fit in routine
Being average doesn't cost as much effort
But I'm willing to pay
Even if I have to scrape and save every penny of self-praise
I will give it all I've got, I've got time
Because my heart is a tomb waiting for resurrection
And I'm sure any cost will be worth perfection

"Life will always gets better."

Seems I've been waiting forever.

1.     I really tried
2. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough
3. Why did I always think everything was about me?
4. You were my angel
5. My demons were too strong
6. I never look people in the eyes because I'm afraid they'll see through my windows and see that there's not light inside
They'll see my secret pain
The monsters gain
Persuasion in the argument
If I should live or die
7. The mask wasn’t supposed to stay on forever but people seemed to like it better than my sadness and sadness doesn’t always cooperate with my plans. Like sometimes sadness just wants to stretch his legs across my face leaving traces that look like tired eyes and furrowed brows. Sadness, like water, will take the path of least resistance from the world to heart and back. Self-endulgend, sadness begs for hosts without every bothering to host the party because sadness doesn’t mind if he overstays his welcome.
8. I was 17 when he died, it has been eight years
9. If I can't win the fight to stay
If I lose and go my way
I have to believe things will be OK
Because your grief won't come
From the fact that I am gone
Maybe you'll think about what
We could have done to better get along
10. You won’t often think of me
So let me go, let me be free
Your mind is the sun
Confidence and clean
11. My mind is a terror
That doesn't deal in dream
In years to come, perhaps
You think of us
A memory we shared
12. I wish I let you in and feel a connection
Isolationist tendencies are decidedly not the best strategy
So my island is a prison
Not a blessed reclusion from the judgments of my mental illness
I'm simply in denial to any sickness at all

All the Help I Almost Asked For
Step More Than Jump
A Height High Enough
Building Bombshell Honesty
Brother What's Your Name
Last Child, First Regret
More Ever More
I've Been Gone a Long While
Mentally Mapping the Unimaginable

i do not care
how loudly you speak to me
as long as it's true

I would have said so many things to you
But the words were too heavy
And my voice isn't strong enough
I managed, "I'll see you again"

We are not heavy.
Nothing in this life needs to be heavy
God was not a Mason, moving heavy brick
God was an artist, painting weightless strokes
Every second we had together was a stroke of God
On perfect canvas

The story of our lives cannot be contained on the pages between two covers
Sometimes the stories need space and more ink
She would fill an entire book

I would give up shooting stars
And making wishes
Because I had everything
And traded it for anything, which wasn't her
We all make mistakes; we all have our sins
But what would you give
To start it again

So I use my shooting stars to bless her life
I use my magic moments to ask for our life
To not be separated too long
Because that was the hardest goodbye

In our tears, I could hear
Her whispering profanities
Waves of my gratitude
For who she taught me to be
"You're such an *******," she said
And I know how she feels
How can goodbye be something that's real?
Our book is not done
There's more to be said
So instead of "The End"
"I'll see you again."

It's okay to close your eyes
I will see you through the night
And the world will come crawling
But I am here; you will be alright

So lay your soul into bed
I know your days have felt so long
Like the weight of worlds is yours to hold
I hope your dreams come with this song

It's okay to be afraid
I know the world is ****** up for you
But baby you have angels
My God and these angels, we will get you through

Tomorrow came knocking on my door
I wasn’t ready to handle more
Certain comfort in snuggling Yesterday
The memories take us far away

Tomorrow waited and knocked again
“I’m here to stay,” he shouted in
Today helped me hide Yesterday
Just past the kitchen, in the bay

Tomorrow burst in, unwanted
Today claimed his end exalted
I shared a laugh and bite of food
Tomorrow helped change the mood

I wanted Tomorrow to met my Yesterday
We walked past the kitchen, to the bay
I found there my old Today
He became my Yesterday

Yesterday had let himself out the back
He knew I needed Tomorrow intact
Today took his place in silence
Tomorrow become Today to keep balance

Don’t let the past be your top concern
Keep it long enough to learn
Tomorrow will soon be Today
Do not live in Yesterdays

"Happiness is a decision"
Is something I hear people say often
"Happiness is a decision"
Please tell that to my depression
Tell Depression that I never invited her over
We are a blind date ambush I didn’t agree to
My friend Anxiety set us up because we would make a good match
"Happiness is a choice"
Please tell that to my insomnia
Full of conversation pieces that only serve to resist the edge of sleep
My insomnia has become acquainted with depression
And neither care for happiness
They would rather talk about my lonliness
As if it weren’t in the room
But my lonely is always around as the friend I know best of all
Because I don’t make friends very easily
I am an awkward introvert
When I learn what people think of me
I cant help but hurt
There are high expectations I know I’ll never live up to
Even my mother has moved on to grandkids who still have time
To not disappoint her
"Happiness is a choice"
Please tell that to my face
I will try to believe you
My cohort of friends inside my head
Will likely disagree

"I am not depressed."
Lie.
It is easier to say,
I still don’t believe myself.
What can I say?
I’m a liar.

Sometimes depression looks like you
Depression can look like me
it can also look like nothing
Depression is not something you see

“Hell…”
You didn’t let me finish my greeting
But I suppose I’m a prophet
Because I described how I’m now feeling

My big brother has always been a hero in my eyes
His actions were misleading, sort of in disguise
But I looked to him for the path to walk
Even before the days when I learned to talk

We were just kids, we would stay up late
Talking about our problems and all the people we used to “hate”
But as time went by, as if in the beat of a heart
We found ourselves in worlds; different and apart

The things he did and all the people he knew
Were of no use for me to actually get a clue
Begging for help, without ever saying a word
Makes it hard for your little brother to know your pain

Like the haze of smoke, we got caught coughing, trying to breath
But the oxygen was gone from the brother’s past
Nothing left but monoxide to toxify the bonds of brotherhood
We separated to two separate countries, how it was always supposed to be

But it was exactly different than it should have been
My brother is a hero for he showed me what not to do
He showed me who’s not cool – by being their friend
He helped me set my life on its proper way

So my brother I want to say,
You’re my unexpected hero.

"I love you,"
One:
You are the first person to ever say that to me
The grass felt soft and the air warm
We couldn't stop laughing

"I love you,"
Two:
I'm a bit more skeptical because words aren't actions
And you're actions are yelling another story; it sounds more like a tragedy than a comedy.

Three:
Someone told me they loved me before, but hadn't thought about what it means. I trust you are most selective with my feelings. (A candle-lit dinner means more than artificial light.)

"I _ _ _ _ you,"
Four:
We say "love" as often as "hate;" they can be equally destructive.

Five:
I'm alone. I can love myself.

"I love you,"
Six:
This time I said it first. That was a mistake. You are only skin deep. You couldn't understand anything more than perfume and mascara. It makes all the difference if you break or are broken.

Seven:
We are collapsing buildings, screaming it one last time before we accept we never had a chance. If we had been trees we could have swayed in the breeze.

Eight:
I am alone.

"I love,"
Nine:
My love is for someone else, not for myself.

Ten:
I'm very cautious when someone says, "I love you." I've heard it before. I have only seen it through squinting eyes.
When it's honest, I hope I know how to care for it properly.

I am living in the ruins
of a
broken heart

My vocal chords are exhausted
Sound no longer escapes my mouth
Yelling for help
Screaming for hope
For so long has taken it’s toll
Except I have never made a sound
Because depression is not something
People want to talk about
So I’ve kept it to myself
Shouting so loud my mind has gone deaf
And maybe that’s why
All it can think about
Is silence

I walk as though the destination doesn't matter.
I'm never in a hurry;
the end cannot be better than the trudge.
Walking after midnight
my pillow is tired of hearing all the words hanging themselves on the tip of my tongue.
Which is weaker, people or love?

I was just standing there
Feeling the way the earth moved
I thought we were dancing
The earth was spinning
Without noticing my desperation

and the trees wonder
why
we have
such restless legs

i am nothing
more than a messy tourist
don't do more than make
me a couch because despite my words
i will likely not
be staying long
see
i am clumsy
i drop things like your
heart
i scramble to collect the pieces
realize i was never that good
at art
just throw my efforts into the bin
how careless i am
to think that your life is a bin
that it's something i even had permission
to touch
when i come to town and want to stop by
maybe we can go dancing
like streets lights that are slow songs
not even red can make us stop
until you realize
i hitched a ride as soon as my thumb
wasn't wrapped in your hand
let me go.
don't invite me back.
i'll be on the road for a while
telling stories about
midnight memories, chilly museums, the sound of your heart beat
i will say
it sounded like home.
but i was too careless to let her hear the beat of my own

I cost more than
I will ever
be worth.

I cannot repay the price
of knowing me.

Because I am damaged goods.

Sold as-is.

No return; no exchange.

That is why
I often find myself
tossed by the wayside--

Landfill graveyards.

It was like looking at the sun
Not that she was abnormally bright
Or beautiful
She was gorgeous like so many others
but she was different like none
I had seen before
Her eyes told me how strong she was
She knew pain and heartbreak
Embraced by galaxies and milky ways
Swirling on cloud of cream
In her morning coffee
Her nose told stories of adventure
She knew the rush of wind too fast
Hurricanes in beating hearts
Faster, stronger, higher
Than cloud nine where she stored her smile
I read poetry in her hair
Left undone with such care
Flannel sheets at Christmas time
Seeing her is all I need
It was not like looking at the sun
She was brilliant like twinkling lights
Only I could see
As the world looked mindlessly
Beyond

Laughter is the only sound
That is strong enough
To cover to pain
That never gives in
When the music stops
And the blinds pulled down
Pain stretches his legs
All over my heart

If I could be your world, I would let your travel all over me.
We could visit galaxies, or simply look at stars.
If you could be my creature, I would fill your needs.
You would rule the world, and all my sights to see.
I'll bring you air, the sun and skies - to see a little clearer.
And an off-white moon to see your smile shine.
If I could be your world, I would be your everything.

Tonights stars look like bubbles
In a glass of champaign,
Like the world got drunk
On all the dreams we didn't chase

I never understood “made in God’s image” until I saw her.
Anyone who’s seen her has higher expectations for what heaven looks like.

We’re both sensitive enough to know what love feels like,
and reasonable enough to know that it can be broken.

The first time you use a new toothbrush is nothing like the first time you kiss a girl,
But I still love them both.

Her laugh is a paradox; an outsider would think she either just said the cleverest thing ever or she wishes she could retract it faster than it was said.
Only I know it’s simply because it’s beautiful. It’s easily my favorite language.

I have considered wearing a wiretap so I could go back and listen to all of our conversations again. And I hope that it picked up her heartbeat. She told me, it’s beating exactly like life should sound like.

She offers to iron any wrinkled clothes. I don’t have any. But I have a wrinkled heart.
I thought it was made into origami but it’s just a wadded ball that missed the wastebasket.

The way she dances to hip-hop shows her versatility,
yet you can tell she doesn’t do this every day; but she still dances.

I’m almost too nervous to hug her - knowing it will have to end.
Whenever I let go, I feel like I made a mistake.

Her voice trails off into silence,
like an hourglass that’s trying to hold itself together.

I like that “click-clack” of her boots.
It lets me know I’m next to someone really going places.

She goes to the mini mart with me even when she doesn't want to get anything,
besides more time together.

There are too many people
With smiles outshining
Their hearts
When did it become acceptable
To say foul things
As long as we brushed our teeth
Instead of being good people
Even in ***** clothes

Certain people have come to understand
That they have a soul
Don’t write me off because I’m a ginger
I still know what I’m talking about
That’s why words are important to me
If you read what someone wrote
You are reading what their soul would say
If it had any other way
So when I came across your Story
I fell in love
Your soul was written for me to read
I read everything
Twice
And then a third
Interrupted by pictures and songs
That only added to my amazement
I love you and I know you
I have never seen you or met you
Your taste in music lets me know
Your cooking would always have the right amount of salt
Taking you on a date that isn’t trying
To prove anything more than
“I like you and want to make you happy,”
Is something I will suffer through in my dreams
I like that you are intelligent
A well-spoken soul who has read a book or two
You know what you want to do
And what you might fall back on
Without defeating other people’s dreams
I would be willing to share mine with you
And I hoped you could take my dreams
Tie them to the clouds and
Be brave enough to come along for the ride
The corners of your eyes tell me enough
Of the doubt you have in promises and good intentions
Your written soul proclaims the faith
To trust again and risk everything
Because sometimes you don’t know you know until
You know you never knew
So know that I know that I never knew until
I came across you
I don’t drive trucks, but I will cook for you
And give you book suggestions
I would fit my heart into a picnic basket
Set us down in fresh-cut grass on a quilted blanket
I would see the world as the sun reflected in your eyes
And I might even get a chance to see
What you might see in me
Probably a little awkward, I would lead us through conversations
Of family and friends – and how we don’t talk to some of the people we love the most
We all have people we should move to speed dial to make it easier
When the breeze picks up, take my jacket
I would ask you about your life and the scars you have
So I can know
In perfect detail
Why your soul set mine alive

I was walking the streets of Amsterdam
Trying to figure out the type of man that I am
The red lights filling the black night
My heart was torn between the sultry things
And the hope of stability
A life without despair or fear
Unsettled and unfilled I went looking for thrills

I wandered on

Braving the cold Icelandic seas
I was diving into the depths of me
Finding the treasures I’ve buried deep
Hoping to find what everyone says they see
Because I’m tired of mirrors trying to flee
No evidence that I have an ounce of worth
I set out to find my place on earth

I wandered on

Serving to clean the streets of Brazil
How could I give to earn my fill
I fell in love with every person I met
Drinking tea on summer days
Like the world wasn’t as bad as they say
I paid for heaven with sweat and faith
Instead of indebting my life to death

I wandered on

I saw England, I saw France
After sinning we agreed to dance
To pretend were weren’t broken sculptures
Thrown across the floor
We kept each other begging for more
Good day my love, avoir my friend

I wandered on

I found my end
In heaven I reflect on my wandering heart
How it nearly tore my soul apart
I sought for peace and chased my love
God has taught me to look within
Find a fiber of faith to begin
Now look around and find your friends
You’re the answer to their tearful prayers
Be the one to show you care
Don’t wander past your current place
Until you’ve extended your hand of grace

I’ve wandered on

Your heart has empty corners;
You'll never know I'm there.
I just need a place
to rest my weary bones.

My heart is a home
And I gave you a key
You thought it was a hotel
And left after one week

Every word was a chisel strike
This will be my end

Because I saw
I saw the cracks emerge
Wiry and askew like Death's hands
I saw my pieces fall
Dust was heavy on my back
I saw the hammer strike
Earthquakes of organs that skin can't contain

Then I heard
I heard adoration of a work of art
Created with a master's touch
I heard compliments and praise
The most beautiful things never ask to be seen
I heard words unsaid
Tears and silence are languages we're fluent in, but scared to speak