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mrmonst3r Dec 2014
My world is smaller.
I no longer know your love.
All beauty broken into pieces,
Scattered.
Each morning —
Grey and pitiless without
your radiance.
I am a shell,
Once breathing.
Cut,
Heartless and sore.
A soul,
Without essence.
Ugly.
Spent.
An empty memory —
Looking for its end.
Walking with shadows,
Doomed by a love that died
without warning.
You — were my heaven.
You — are my purgatory.
"Love,
Love will tear us apart again."
  Dec 2014 mrmonst3r
Czeslaw Milosz
The history of my stupidity would fill many volumes.

Some would be devoted to acting against consciousness,
Like the flight of a moth which, had it known,
Would have tended nevertheless toward the candle's flame.

Others would deal with ways to silence anxiety,
The little whisper which, though it is a warning, is ignored.

I would deal separately with satisfaction and pride,
The time when I was among their adherents
Who strut victoriously, unsuspecting.

But all of them would have one subject, desire,
If only my own -- but no, not at all; alas,
I was driven because I wanted to be like others.
I was afraid of what was wild and indecent in me.

The history of my stupidity will not be written.
For one thing, it's late. And the truth is laborious.


Berkeley, 1980.


Trans. Robert Hass and Robert Pinsky
mrmonst3r Dec 2014
I'm so sorry
we don't talk anymore.
I'm so sorry
if I took it all to heart.
I don't know how I got this lost —
How it all fell apart.
I'm so sorry
I can't find my way.
I'm so sorry
I have to go.
This pain is inescapable,
Like footprints in the snow.
I'll leave behind
a note for you —
Words that once meant more.
Words that once meant only love
Though now feel more like war.
"I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die."
  Dec 2014 mrmonst3r
W. H. Auden
For us like any other fugitive,
Like the numberless flowers that cannot number
And all the beasts that need not remember,
It is today in which we live.

So many try to say Not Now,
So many have forgotten how
To say I Am, and would be
Lost, if they could, in history.

Bowing, for instance, with such old-world grace
To a proper flag in a proper place,
Muttering like ancients as they stump upstairs
Of Mine and His or Ours and Theirs.

Just as if time were what they used to will
When it was gifted with possession still,
Just as if they were wrong
In no more wishing to belong.

No wonder then so many die of grief,
So many are so lonely as they die;
No one has yet believed or liked a lie,
Another time has other lives to live.
mrmonst3r Dec 2014
We are finite.
Each of us,
Limited — In light,
                    In heart,
                    In purpose.
We are ants,
Scurrying
Between raindrops.
Lost in hives,
Lost in war,
Lost in consciousness.
We are a ticking clock.
We are dying love.
Clinging — to hope,
                     to family,
                     to possessions.
Terrified of the truth.
That there is no order.
That there is no meaning.
That there is only fear.

I want to let go —
To leave this pain
                this emptiness
behind.
We will not be missed.
mrmonst3r Dec 2014
There is no secret —
No savage lesson in this pain.
This day brings no joy,
The sun — no warmth.
I can't see your face.
Your voice, faint.
There is no comfort in memory,
Only loss.
Each colour fades.
Each night restless.
Each hope vanquished.
Your love has taken
part of me.
Erased.
Organs
neatly stacked.
Soul perforated.
Spirit sullied.
Heart frantic/
Bruised.
Your lips —
My Sweet Armageddon.
  Dec 2014 mrmonst3r
Thomas Hardy
I

I have lived with Shades so long,
So long have talked to them,
I sped to street and throng,
That sometimes they
In their dim style
Will pause awhile
To hear my say;

II

And take me by the hand,
And lead me through their rooms
In the To-Be, where Dooms
Half-wove and shapeless stand:
And show from there
The dwindled dust
And rot and rust
Of things that were.

III

“Now turn,” they said to me
One day: “Look whence we came,
And signify his name
Who gazes thence at thee”—
—”Nor name nor race
Know I, or can,”
I said, “Of man
So commonplace.”

IV

“He moves me not at all:
I note no ray or jot
Of rareness in his lot,
Or star exceptional.
Into the dim
Dead throngs around
He’ll sink, nor sound
Be left of him.”

V

“Yet,” said they, “his frail speech,
Hath accents pitched like thine—
Thy mould and his define
A likeness each to each—
But go! Deep pain
Alas, would be
His name to thee,
And told in vain!”
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