i told myself,
“a year from now they’ll be choosing you”
but here we are.
another trip around the sun complete.
and once again i’m the odd one out.

when people say,
“you rely on other opinions too much”
do they really understand why?
do they understand how trapped i feel?
how the earth keeps turning,
yet i’m stuck in the same place.

and i can’t go back,
to being stuck there alone.
but you chose someone else again.

you step out of my car,
and i head back to my place,
as the stoplight turns green,
i can’t help but be filled with joy,
you make my soul explode with positivity,
and fill me with all the hope in the world.

i wash your kisses off my face,
and smell your perfume laced on my skin,
when i close my eyes or take a breath,
i’m back on that white sofa in my parents basement,
and you’re loving me all over again.

i can’t wait for so much more loving  with you.

you want to take it slow.
i’m much more of a fast paced person.
while you intensely watch the movies,
i look up the endings.
and when you wait at a red light you feel content,
while i try to rush the color change with my mind.
but for you darling,
i’ll go as slow as i can.

i didn’t know how empty i was,
until you made me whole.
every touch of your hand,
completes me.

nothing could compare,
to the feeling of kissing you.
and having you all for myself,
****.

if i could shapeshift,
my spine would show and my collarbones would cut.
if i could shapeshift,
my wrists would shrink and my thighs would disappear.
if i could shapeshift,
my waist would sink in and my hips would smooth out.
if i could shapeshift,
i would turn into someone you could love.