I just want to write about something
                           "good"
So bitter and toxic that anything nice
just sounds fake and inhuman
I'd rather wallow
than be someone real
that's all I'll be
that's all I'll know
so ******* blind
darkness

do you ever wish
you could take a hiatus
from life

not suicide
not disappearing

just invisible, obversing
fulfilling the curiosity
Of what it'd be like in your circles without you

Maybe it'd be selfish
but when you're just so tired
a tired that sleep cannot fix
you just wish you were something else

But you can't be
and you can't be nothing either

at the very least
a memory~

would you choose a life without them
where you can hold them in memory
in hopes of meeting a muse anew

or a dream that repeats every 30 seconds
where skin is warm and smiles always
and nothing new happens

buy one, get two diseases
3rd time's the charm
yet bad things come in threes
you just can't win
even if you do
they'll steal from you
long fingers for deep pockets
how can you escape
when they own every street
every drug
every peace and piece of you

Seeing you across from me in dim headlights just made sense

I never questioned anything with you

that is why I speak to you literally; without metaphor

Because you were too real to extrapolate any other meaning from

And in your honesty I was destroyed

Like a statue that had fallen with the head intact, staring so deep into you

But I thank you for breaking me down instead of building me up

Just to do it over and over

Thank you.