My piano is covered with papers,
my instruments covered with books,
I have notebooks on top of my drawing pads,
and pencils and pens covering my stories.
I have past assignments all over the floor,
and new ones spread across my bed,
my computer is always opened,
to type up another essay.
School is something I have to do,
and honestly I enjoy it,
except when it takes over my life,
and then I can not control it.

Others are frightened by it,
The thought of nonexistence.
You cease to exist
You're done.
That's it  

But it's different for me.
The cease to exist
Isn't what scares me
But the thought of your body laying there
Dead.
Cold.
The idea that family members think they can shake you awake.
The peek a boo moment they long for
That you were just playing.
It was all a joke.

The horrible moment when it's unexpected
You were ok the day before
But now lays your body.
Dead.
Cold.
No one saw it coming.
And you're not the only one who thinks this.
The foretelling moments leading up
That will forever be questioned
With what if scenarios
Why didn't I see this
Or go see you then.
Why did I let you go
Why didn't I come.

The death we get over.
The moments leading up to it
Is
What
Rots
Our
Soul.

There's sweet

sour

savoury

and
the odd

cheeky little number

Writing to you again
You ignite my thoughts
My hand's still shaking
As I fold up the letter
Put it in a glass bottle
Sealing it sends another shudder
Down my fragile spine
No longer asking you
Because I'm certain you're mine

Should I bury it
Or send it out to sea?
Should I wait on it?
What will be, will be
After all these passing thoughts
Rush in and out of my head
I'm left with a smile
And echoes of words you've said
Maybe I'll just go to bed

When I wake up
I look out to the ocean
Over sand and under painted skies
I think you're my worst sin
Obsessed over the concept
Of us in a cozy hammock
Out of which we leapt
Went our separate ways
Yet my memories remain
Unshaken