Dear Alcohol,
Don't take me too fast.
I mean I've always known it would be you so...

Dear Alcohol,
We don't talk much I know. But those social occasions, man, you must have gotten me hooked somewhere  between those laughs and puking sessions.

Dear Alcohol,
My parents smoked but I swore never to smoke cause that kills your lungs and you **** yourself kinda slowly..but you...I don't know about you. Maybe because its the liver...and that seems so far away. My lungs are RIGHT next to the heart...I mean,  that's much to fast for the pain I want to wash away at my own pace.  Wash away drink by boring drink.

Dear Alcohol,
You win.

Dear Alcohol,
Make me dance, and smile, and sing your dumb songs. Puppeteer, who i willingly dance, smile, sing let me play pretend. Move my body until your course is through and my body is too used. Until I am no longer a puppet for this game of life but instead a puppet for myself to pity. Dear Alcohol the tears are fake, I promise. The happiness I feel now makes me numb. Dear Alcohol send me drink from those pits of hell from where you play me from. For I am coming. I always knew it would be you.

My heart used to long for you.
Yet this morning as i woke up I felt nothing and my heart whispered,
" You know...lets just give up on him..."
Now that hurt. My heart was so sad and it had definitely been crying all night.
It crawled back into my chest as I lay there, staring at the ceiling, and locked the door.
I could hear the weeping behind that door. It was my own and tears had begun to flow with the words my heart could never say.
There was a moment where everything went dead. My heart stopped my muscles no longer tense...my blood no longer rushing around my unworthy body.
My brain broken from its shell and   carefully walked to my chest. it sat at the door to my heart and knocked. I knew it wanted to say it was right and we'd find another but it felt so guilty.
So it sat and I laid looking at the ceiling feeling that nothingness and pain.
The heart began throwing things against the door not at the brain but just at life and my brain walked away.
Back in my head my brain stayed silent...more silent than its ever been and here I am now. calling for my heart to come out again....
after him...I doubt it ever will.

When your smile turns to a frown.
We used to glance at each other with such hope. Hoping someone would act first.  Now I glance at you hoping to meet that glance one more time so I know I should act. Now, I look away quickly just hoping you don't see the crying hidden behind the fake smiles I use to walk down the hall.
When your smile turned to a frown I realized I was just a fill between her and the next.  I realized you never liked me at all.  And I realized I fall too hard too fast.
When your smile "comes" to me again...this time I know to walk the other way.

I lie awake in the waves of the wake you left me in
My lungs fill with water until my chest bursts open
My body is a lake again
I know I make mistakes but I can't fake like I can displace your skin
I sink deep with every crash
Let me in
Let me in
Let me in
Let me

take my chest
take my chest
and all of it's ache
away with my breaths
that you take everyday
take my tongue
take my mouth
cause I don't need to speak
these words, my mind
I eat & lose them
take my teeth
take my wants and take my needs
all they do is cause me grief
take my knees
you make them weak
would you please hold these things for me ?
now take my ribs
you take my ribs
& I do not want them back
you take my lungs
you take my heart
and all of her attacks
please take my head
you take my head
and hold it in your hands
tell it what you want
cause it does not understand
I give my organs
make you hold them
I gave you all of me
and if you don't agree
than please tonight, just take my eyes
and with them take these dreams
I cannot sleep
I'll never sleep
when you're all I can see

I woke up tired today
even for me
I felt tied down to my sheets
tides sliding through thoughts of you
watched you glide down my shoreline
wash you out from my teeth. to. my. feet.
I think it's your eyes, darling
they're like colliding stars
I tell myself not to look
& start clutching my arms
I tell my heart to be silent
causing my chest too much harm
I was fine until your name
came and rang all my alarms
now the courtyard of my quiet
was taken from me
like breath after breath
until I no longer see
& in that very first second
I learned of that face
I knew nothing more than
maybe
it belonged in my hands
& pulled it close so I could taste it

rightfully
i'm left
i've been wrecked
now arrest me
with your legs
'round my neck
this is wreck-less
i'm a wreck, see?

an ocean filled with sharks
swimming faster than I blink
& all the sharks inside this deep
are all swimming after me
do I surf it out and see
what's waiting up for me
that i attack, i should bite back
like i'm the only one with needs
girl I have wings
& I have feathers
they're just much heavier than yours
they aren't wispy, they aren't soft
it's kind of like i'm made of swords
i'm still a bird
or just a girl
with way too many worlds
I'm sure of what I want
i'm just not sure of where to go
who's to say like who should know
when i've been blinded by your glow
it's just with all of this unknown
I do not need to want you more

Breaking bonds
Like haunted hearts
Inside lost jars
From sunken ships
Lost at sea
I'm lost you see
& I can't tell you that
Cause it's not up to me
[Anymore]