I’ll start eating
lullabies for all meals
so I am sure I’ll be
thin enough to
fit in your dreams
every night.

I asked you about your secrets
so you threw over my head all
the black pages of all
those books you've once painted with anger
in those dark old
days
so i asked why & why black
and you said because that's
how you felt
in your insides
so i grabbed your hand
and put it over my chest
& i said
that's ok to feel black
sometimes
i've felt & been like this
my whole life
i do not wish i would have been lilac,
or grey, or blue
that's ok to feel like a
black hole
sometimes
because sometimes
people can throw things
back at you
but they will just simply
be swallowed up and
forever forgotten,
and you
will never be touched
by them
again.

I tried to sleep again
this night
but you just couldn’t get away of my mind
my dreams turned into nightmares
and you laughed at me
till there was no more tear
left inside me
to shed
do you know how hard it is for me?
to see you laugh at my crying
to see you face me when I’m not
able to face myself
when i’m not able to face my own fate
my own mistakes
my own life
my own self.

There were blades running in
my blood
i could feel every single one of them
specially when i was going to
slit the skin
of my forearm, just to see if i was still
bleeding enough to be
alive
but i was & have been dead for a long time
ago and i
could barely feel
any other blade or needle or knife
piercing my skin,
tearing me off,
pulling my heart away
with no heartbeats,
only blades &
blood.

Swollen fists never gonna
be useful for
swollen-eyed sad people
who wake up
feeling lonely
at 2am.

This medicine was never
meant to be
my partner for
life and on
but after all it turned out
to be my best friend &
enemy at the same instant.

Once i've tried to scape
this living hell so called
mind
but the more i tried to
swim
i ended up sinking even
further
and further
so i reached the bottom of
this
black ocean so called
mind
and i found myself
half dead
but how does one get half dead
when they're not living
at all?
sometimes i still try
to reach on the surface
but deep down myself i
know
i know that i cannot be
of a good use any longer
part of me is dead and
the other part is numb as
i try to ease all the pain
of a lifetime
once lived by myself
or thought that has been lived
or thought that has been someone
once or twice
in life.

I've learned that happiness
cannot be found in the form of a little
purple capsule.
I've learned that Pisa will have to wait until next time.
I've learned that the third mushroom
held in my sweaty palm was not as
big a deal compared to the other two opening my mind.
I've learned that a part of me
died that night where we ****** in a
room with no furniture.
I've learned that life is work and that
the molotov cocktail of Dubrah and eay mac
that came spewing from me left an orange tang
upon the floor.
I've learned that pain is better than numbness
and that jabbing a sewing needle repeatedly in my arm
was an educated decision.
Most importantly I've learned that together we are better than alone.

"Lady L, let your soul be free
You closed your eyes
And you wouldn't see, girl
The only one who could
Ease your pain was me

As I ride on my horse
Through the countryside
I said come on, Lady L
Let me give you a ride

But as I pulled the reigns
Of my horse
You pulled the reigns
Of your soul
I'm outta control!

Couldn't see through
A thick cloud of smoke
You held my heart
Now it's ****** and broken
Is your green army jacket
Keepin' you warm tonight?

We live in a world
Of teachers and tests
I take my comfort
In your silky breast
And you'e the one
Askin' me what's next

Your yellow eyes
Are cold as stone
I phoned your heart
There was nobody home
What are you gonna do
When you're all alone?"