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I said no to drugs once.
I looked a bag of **** right in the face
and, like a loving but firm father,
I said, "No."
I was really high.
When you asked me to name
What I valued most
My head tilted
To the canvas sky
And I failed to suppress
The thought of your eyes
Which shone brighter
than all the stars combined

I couldn't understand
I failed to comprehend
How no one else saw
How no one else realised
His eyes
All colours in one
Which
Despite all matters
All falls and pits,
All trapdoors and declines
Constantly shone
With radiance that never faltered

But he faded
Slowly,
Slowly, but surely
So I clung harder
And yet he managed to slip
Through the cracks
between my frail fingers

And from him
I learned
Beautiful things aren’t meant
to last nearly long enough

Beauty is best kept for memories
To hide the  cruelty
Rotting the wondrous
Stealing the beautiful

When you told me to describe
the ugliest sight  had observed
The first thing that came to mind
was the way your hand would wrap itself around the bottle
And how your eyes would roll back in undisturbed bliss
As you emptied it down your throat

When you told me to express
the worst feeling in the world
The problem was,
I had no word to describe
the rush of hurt and pain
that would choke my lungs
When the sound of the slamming door
That would resound
within the place
we had once called home

When you told me to name
my favourite thing in the world
I looked up to the sky
and couldn’t help but notice
That as bright as the stars were
The flicker, the pulse in your eyes would transcend them every time

When you told me to describe
the prettiest sight  could ever witness
The first thing that came to mind
was the way
you would throw your head back and laugh
And how your eyes would light up
Better than the midnight stars
That would gleam in the midnight sky

When you told me to express
the greatest feeling in the world
The problem was,
There was no word to describe
the overwhelming feeling
that would seep into my veins
When the sound of your melodious laugh
would ring in my ears, echoing and echoing

When you told me to name
the worst thing in the world
I looked up at the sky
and couldn’t help but notice
That the darkness of the sky
Would rival the emptiness in your eyes

Even gone,
the stars could never transcend his eyes
And I doubt that anything
would glow with the same radiance
As he did.
How  many more times
are we going to play this game,
Of liar liar pants on fire

Because I think I've lost the rules sheet.

And I'm lost now
your all taunting me from the sidelines.
Please end the game, I need to find someone.

I need to find someone, because I can't be found
So please help me
Find you.
Why is it,
that you must lie
so very often?
You've gone too far now
  you really ought to stop.

Who is it,
that you must
lie to so very often?
is it me?
myself?
I?


Your trying to make art
with your crumbling heart
as your canvas
you really ought to stop
  who is it
that your lying to?
    you really ought to stop
I'm sorry
that I was never there
for you
as you were
for me

I'm sorry
that I lost you
Before I realised
I loved you

I'm sorry
that in this apology
I'm still as selfish
as always

But most of all
I'm sorry
for never being enough
don't tell me you love me
when you mean to say
you're going to rip my heart
right out of my chest,
and crush it right in front of me

don't say that you care
if at sight of my scars,
you decide
that you can't handle me
and that you need to leave

tell me the truth,
that I'm not worth it
and that I don't mean enough to you
for you to remain
here with me

                                                                   h.a
The moment I turned
and walked away
I felt my heart break a little
He didn't chase

Slowly taking steps
Without looking back
I couldn't hear his footsteps
But I couldn't backtrack

I felt my feet getting heavy
dragging them along
Desperately wanting to run
Back to where I belong

Within his arms safely
Standing side by side
Contently drifting along
As gentle waves by the seaside

The happiest they've ever seen me
Most carefree I've ever been
I was completely in love
A world consisting of just me and him

Though a raging river stood
Between our hearts
And in the end I was
The one left behind in the dark

As I raised my head high
Marching along to a beat
I've learnt to smile yet again
At last I can feel complete

Time has passed over
And not once did he chase
But the moment he did
It was already to late

I grew tired of running
Trailing after him
Was it really to much effort
To try and run after me too?

When I got up
Letting go of his hand
he didn't try to stop me
I guess this was where he stands

I knew then
He doesn't love me
And he never will


We have reached our limits
He no longer needs me
I've given all that I can give
So no matter what happens now

I'm not turning back


~
If you spend all your time running after somebody else
And the moment you stop chasing them and turn to walk away
If they don't chase or even try to stop you
then they aren't worth it
You deserve so much more then that
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