Her body
was the sort that
inspired ancient civilizations
to sculpt goddesses into their marble.
Chiseled down to perfection,
they couldn't come close
to the goddess
that is you.

You were a sunflower
inside of my heart-
such a warm radiance
I could always use
in times of darkness.

Trapped
in between
this Heaven and Hell.
I'm in purgatory,
I fell and I fell-
so very far from glory.

I myself in
the blissful radiance of
the sunflower field
contained within your soul.
It warms me like the eternal bond
between the sun
and the flower.

If time is
a currency,
then spending it with you
was the best investment
I ever made.

I close my eyes and
my mind gives itself to you
like the a sunflower to the sun.
You planted your seeds
inside this heart,
only for a garden to grow
over this wasteland of a soul.

You grew like a
sunflower in summer
and filled my soul with warmth.
You plucked the thorns from my heart
and planted gardens instead with
love blossoming from
every petal.

I will always speak
of you kindly, but I won't
recall you that way.

12:06 AM
16/10/21

I carry you with me
wherever I go
between heart and soul,
in the extraordinary and
the ordinary moments in life.
I keep you in these eyes
that dream of a future
of you and I,
in my lips
that tell the tale of this hardship,
in my hands
that write of our wonderland,
in the mind
that never left you behind.

There you are,
never far,
never have been.
You are a part of me
and always will be
since the day you were born
until the day that I die.

Lust leaves
a bitter aftertaste-
yet the thirst for it
never wanes.

Reflections under a pale moon
her hair shimmers like neptune.
We look up at the stars with awed eyes
and watch the cosmos as time flies.
Her blue hair as blue as her heart,
yet she is still my favorite work of art.
Yes, it's true, her heart is torn,
but like the stars above, we are reborn.
So let us look to the cosmos-
to the heavens we are so close.
Magnificent are the angels up there
as is the girl with blue hair.

As you walk alone,
make sure to grow
lovely little things along the way.
Grow your pretty pathway,
your graceful garden,
and maybe one day
you will get to share it
with someone just as lovely.

I am yours,
forever,
never forget that.
We are blood, we are one,
and my heart will keep that promise.
And this distance is but a mirage,
a temporary illusion that
dissolves in our memories together.  
This heart still beats for you,
uninterruptedly
and always,
my sun,
never forget that.

Dear diary;
I'm so tired.
I am so tired of wasting energy
on those who so not reciprocate.
I am so tired of proving a point
to those who do not listen.
I am so tired of forgiving the same person
over and over again.
I am so tired of putting on a happy face
when that is not the case.
I am so tired of staying silent
for my mental health.
I am so tired.

Why do we try so
hard for those who simply just
do not care at all?

11:55 PM
7/10/21

Touch me with the
sunflower you carry in your heart
and fill me with its warmth.
Let's plant a thousand more
as we watch our dreams
grow from
that garden.

The nebulae
paint the universe
from lightyears away.
Strokes of colour and light
so majestic that I cannot help but
see a part of my soul in
those waves of gas that stretch
across our galaxy.

In our silence,
a love blossoms once again
in these two hearts.
True love's roots burrow deeper
than any absence that has
come between us.

Dear S,
I thought I
could keep this up.
Maybe I could for a while,
but not anymore-
it hurts too much.
I didn't know it would
be so difficult and I didn't
know you would turn away.
You were supposed to be here.
You were family.
I'm lost.

Love does not simply
vanish just because someone
decides to leave us

9:13 PM
3/10/21

I was never good
at saying goodbye.
Sometimes, things are better left unsaid,
but overall, I think goodbyes are
preferable to the silence.
Goodbyes can hurt,
but they can also bring closure.
So, while goodbyes are not my strong suit,
they are often necessary
to avoid a lifetime of
uncertainty.

Don't look around,
you won't find me again.
I wonder what's the point of goodbye,
I was never particularly good at them anyway.
They tend to leave me in a mess,
and it tells on my face.
So skip the platitudes and be on your way-
goodbye is just a phrase and phase-
sometimes long,
sometimes short.

The gates
to heaven
are now closed.
Tourists really do
ruin
everything.

You wove magic
with tenderness and love
that you braided in my skin
and made the sunflowers sing
with your laughter alone.
I painted your beauty
into those very sunflowers
that I maintain to this day.
I plucked the brightest one I could find
and keep it on my bedside table.
That way it reminds me of you
from the moment I wake to
the moment I sleep.
I think I'm going to plant some more sunflowers
in hopes that their presence will embrace
my home the way your warmth
embraced my home
so very long ago.

Not all goodbyes
are considered a loss.
Rather than see it as a separation,
See it as an opportunity
to start anew.

The sun is gone
and now my heart
is falling like leaves.
The wind takes me away
and I'm left to face
the fall alone.

You broke the heart
you swore to protect.
Such irony ends with a laugh
as hollow as this hole
in my chest.

It was upon the
Romanian Mountains
where I watched you fall
out of love.
Who knew that
such sorrow could occur
up in the clouds?

the darkness was
more comfortable to me
so long as I was in
your shadow.

Another Christmas
without you and it doesn't
become easier

6:45 PM
23/9/21

Her blue hair
played the blues
upon my heartstrings-
a song so beautiful
she entranced the moon above.
Together, we danced beneath the starry night
wondering when her song
could cure our blues.

I wish I never
had to say goodbye
and I wish our goodnights
weren't stretched across the world.
I do not wish for many things
but I wish you to be the
first and last face I see
each and every day.

Arriving in Vienna
with a broken heart and
no place to place to go.
I wander the empty streets-
it's almost midnight and I
am in search of a distraction.
A bottle of wine later and
some good company by my side,
I think I might be alright.
It's one sleep 'til the new year and
I think I might be alright.

I had never
felt more 'me'
than when I
was 'yours'

Hey kid,
I am missing you
more than usual tonight.
It's cold, it's dark, and I am sitting here
watching the winter storm all alone.
It's pouring out there-
it's heavier than the night itself.
Distant thunder bellows in the distance
but it's sure to be at my doorstep soon.
As for me, I am warm-
I can thank the comfort you give me
and your joy you radiate for that.
I am missing you
more than usual.

Sometimes just being
comfortable with someone is
really just enough

10:55 AM
16/9/21

Hi,
I know
it's been a while-
have you been okay?
It's okay if you're not okay,
you don't have to be strong
all the time.

Two souls finding each other
in this perfect little corner of the world-
a Christmas miracle unto itself but
we both know that this
Winter Wonderland
can't last forever.

"We are here for you, always."
"You can tell us anything, always."
"We are so glad you are in our lives."
"We love you, we care for you."
"We will never leave you."
"We are your friends, always."
Liars.

Loving someone from
afar is as heartbreaking
as it's fulfilling

4:27 PM
14/9/21

Grief is a
strange thing, isn't it?
One day it consumes you,
the next, you are okay.
And then, without warning,
grief strikes again at a reminder
of what once was.
You are not okay,
again.

I have found havens
all over the world where I
can escape my skin

10:57 AM
14/9/21

There are some nights where
the words flow like wine at a
new year's eve party

2:34 AM
14/9/21

I'm famished,
I'm tired,
I asked for a glass of water
but left with my heart of my sleeve.
You came back for breakfast
but I came back for
one last goodbye.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

Who knew this city of music
would change our lives forever?
Two strangers, one night,
two hearts, one bottle.
Whether it has left us better off-
well, I'm still trying to figure that out
and I'm sure you are too.

Waking up in Memphis
one last time and I
am sad to say goodbye.
She's driving me to the bus depot
thinking about how she'll spend
the rest of her day.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how I
can stay just a little bit longer.

To this day,
it still saddens me that
our only photo was upon
the London Bridge.
Don't get me wrong,
it's a spectacular shot but
it doesn't give justice to
what we were or
what would have been.

Tourists pass through
day after day and
these ruins start to forget
that they're ruins at all.