warm blankets and a cool breeze
my window's open
but no one knows me
swing dance with dark drinks
don't get me started on
plenty of fish to match in the sea but
the only opportunities are in shark tanks
drowsy and running on fumes
i move with the light of the moon - so dizzy
revolting, im molting
this cold skin 'til im molten, sowed - is he
a volcano
going to reap soon?
there's some seduction in sudden destruction
I hope - I stay
busy enough
with the cards until still
i land my soul in the stars -
i know it's can be hard to go with the art
but for me it's a part of following my heart
existence apart, from my brain -
because it does things, i can't always explain


https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/stark-darkness-v2

i can't always explain.

crawling the web
at night
come closer

the possibilities are endless
leaning against those city lights

i had visions of a girl with brown
hair - her - eyes
lit up my soul, her
mouth was like a womb
her mouth was a womb for words
that gave life to chaos - her
hands were delicate like
a white napkin or a bird's perched
on an electrical wire - i hear
her speak when i look at the clock

I haven't written a poem in days.
I tell myself,
"These aren't the days you write, man -
these are the days you write about. "
Ok brain, that's cool and sounds
metaphorical and dark, I'll take it.
Then days turn into weeks, weeks into months -
And before I realize it, my stomach is
outside of my body - and mind,
wet, and cold among organs
pitifully trapped - I tell jokes
without punchlines, and dream without color - the food
doesn't taste like it used to, and the clouds
sometimes don't move for hours

Ooooh look at you
Big red shoes - and a attitude
- a deck of cards
52 laughs - and face of paint
dry cracking teeth
You always assume the answer is yes.

Have you
ever drank warm whiskey by a cold sunset?
Do you ever eat apples to the pits?
Does the moving moss see a meal in a man?
I sat on top of campfires
flogged by flames
waiting to be forgiven -
I kissed frogs and mushrooms
while listening to the fractured pink noise
of horrible screams -
A horrible scream, it
wears white in black lace, it
wears down a man's pride that way
- I'm wasting, away
I'm wasting -
My time with you, she said about
with ***, in her eyes, it
was just exercise
and her and I
won't work out -

the thorns of the roses she wore in her hair
got my cheek as I tried to kiss her

I'm a snowman
In a jacket

i'm gonna write a book someday
and i'll dedicate it to you
my delicate flower in bloom
i'm gonna write you a book some night
under moonlight
in spiderwebs while they bite
and **** blood, it's alright
i'll be fine as long as i'm
with you - as long as i'm with you
i'm going to write a book
how could i not with all these awful thoughts that cook
burnt in my brain, about to burst
grade school all i learned is we're all insane
in one way, or another, all tryna swallow pain
in one way or another, i'm gonna write a book
tell the whole world, just why you ****, satan

the devil, It asked me too, and
I obliged with great charisma
A welcoming gesture:
Dinner
Drinks
Dancing
Laughter
Each minute lubricant tempting
anticipation in impatient people
Because why not?
The house is so quiet without the cries.
My head, so empty without the dreams.
The bed so still.
Still, I don't know you.

I wonder how many
Hours I've
Spent
Sitting
In desks, from school
To work to home
I wonder
How long until I
Stand again

he's an Atheist
Paul said, with a jeer -
to Jane, rolling her big wet
and blue eyes -
Paul's an atheist
Jane's not - but, i
never asked Jane what it all meant
Jane, - i
didn't realize he'd be here
Jane, i didn't hear what he said
he's an idiot (a word she hates)
i like Jane
she too,
despises Paul.

she came into my life like a
flash grenade
watching moments of the
past just fade
in seconds, made me ask
myself why I
attract this pain, why it had to
happen this way
4am phone conversations i could
chat 'til eight
i could laugh until hate left my soul and couldn't find its way back
afraid, of this love. it terrifies me, electrifies me.

we met in the daylight
under a roof of rotting wood
flowers in your hair
i am allergic to chrysanthemums, i said
i hate the holidays, she said
mostly the music, though

im not mad
im just disappointed
im just unjust sometimes i lust
after laughter

in my heart, there's a hornet's nest
But we can still be together I promise
the only difference is, it might
sting once in awhile honey - and
I chase toxins like a lit match
I used to read my thoughts aloud
with metaphor, and wit
And nowadays it's like I barely get,
A chance to step past this shadow
I blame the acetone in my sleep -
I blame the lights down on me
Like a hospital table

You didn't read anything
You just skimmed the surface
Yes, you were throwing rocks
- that only -
You deemed worthless.
Well, you might've already heard this
but they just could have been repurposed, to persons,
new versions, for virgins - you've never met
call it perverted nerves but I'm sure it's perfect
the weight of the cards, I'm dealt
I even prefer it - for it's
making my opponent sweat
there's no better feeling felt
no taller ceiling shelved
I melt, getting this high.
I'm helpless, alone in this sky.

My neighbor and his girlfriend are fighting again -
Is this somehow punishment,
for something I did?

I don't think
the muse -
appreciates being copilot.

I am
in amber glow, in wet cacoon
He is reborn
every moment is a chance to be new
But the tides that crash on this cosmic plane,
They drown, they breathe
I am awake but not lucid -
A victim to a story I did not tell -
A ghost in a graveyard
A dog in a basket
My heart on the table
You were destined to leave, I said
The autumn breeze cooling off our coffee -
I watch sunsets just so they burn a little bit

I leave dishes in the sink
For days and kiss girls
At bars and buy then
Drinks - I
Chase the burn
With ice and Tums
And if she shows
I'm likely to run, away -
I'm likely to run, away
Because for a while now -
I've been dreaming of another home

I didn't always do the right thing
Too many times
I listened to the other side
Voices of golden opportunity
Behind closed doors, they provide
Oh my. Trade virtue for vice.
I didn't know words could hurt you like this.
I don't think you deserved to be exiled.
Like so many do. So very few
Come out of the avalanche stronger.

that's a stupid question
You, resilient ignorant youth.
learning the hard way
is the only way
So don't ask.
We won't tell.
You can decay fast.
And go through hell.
I'd take a stand against misinformation.
But the government passed legislation
that protects the interest of the corporation
While I'm just told to stay patient
My bonus is near.
But they bone us all year.
Its my fault the fear
Assaulted my ears
And I forgot all about my career.
Don't ask stupid questions.
Just do your job.

A waterfall of coffee.
A night I make it to sleep
before midnight
A fresh battery on my phone
A packed lunch, leafy greens and carrots
ready to go -
The alarm clocks are quiet today
The neighbors are still asleep
The birds are chirping
And there's litter in the street -
All these houses look the same
Different colors, types of wood
Shapes of driveways, and mailboxes
The mailboxes!
Some are red, some are white
Some have flags, some reflect at night
I like it here, she said
It's a new beginning for us
Hand shoulder eyes lit
I love you, she said
I want this to work, she said.
I'm trying.

come clean and
stop letting them
brainwash you
with soap operas

Where we come from
I'm not so sure
When I was growing up
I was always left with a loss for words
Someone else
Writing my script
Someone else
Deciding I live
I say no.

just shut up and listen.

on the roof of my mouth is a chimney
the soles of my feet are worn down
traded places too many times -
stars are static and i hit the sky with an open palm -
attached antennas tall and hideous circular steel
beams sharp and grandiose -
i don't
get out
much these days
i don't
talk to
them anymore
i saw a comet hit my neighbor's house

i am the shell of what i was

What's my tick?
What ***** the life from you as I
Talk? I want to
Taste - the sand between your
Toes - I'm the lemon of your eye
The moment before
The small talk -
Or is it worse?
Am I the bad mouth cool
Stumbling from the bar
Cursing the bartender as he's getting in his car -
I reach for my keys
Are we each this disease?
Virus shedding a new skin suit -
Extensive expensive lotions
and pictures of women in swim suits -

an idea isn't anything
if you can't
turn it into something

I like people -
I like birds
bees
I like things
that make
me happy
and gleeful -

I wanted to help you.
But you just wanted help.

constant practice just isn’t
something that happens, it’s decisions
thoughts and repeated patterns

it's a high you never came down from
its a painting you forgot about
it's a childhood friend you forgot about
it's knowing why, but not knowing when

once in awhile
people together create something greater
than good itself

We trace events on timelines we create -
Milestones like tombstones, we
pay tribute to a life no longer
A shift in perspective
Another mode of existence
I reach out to others
and they hear me

the sky is
not your sky
not my sky
it's their sky -
there.
you see it?
i feel like no one star gazes anymore
or is it just me?
i think i would go
if i had the chance

when you hear noise
i see static -
i didn't
think you'd be here
i said - that color looks nice on you
i - was just
leaving - i
wasn't just thinking
how cold my bones are
i didn't wonder how long we're
actually destined to last
i honestly don't want to know

I never knew how easy it is to point fingers and place blame.
I never knew how long pain lingers when we face shame.
I never realized you know me better than I ever will.
I never thought I'd say goodbye to a piece of this until, I had too.
I had two chances
And I blew three
One time, it was just you and me.
Now it's I who sits alone at night at home wondering how I could have been so blind and go, this way.

I'm strategic.
Watching the dominoes fall
before the air kisses the first
Listening to the cards slide
against the felt and pressing that
beautiful edge against my unquenchable fingertips -
Yeah, I figured I shrug smiling -
Looking -
Over my shoulder.
I'm paranoid.
Who's next to fall? I ask.
There's always a Brutus around us
And I can tell somethings surrounding
That whole thing you got there.
That stare. That lack off air
When you breathe, couldn't care less about my stress, so why should I believe
Anything you say.
I'm alone.
I don't care. As long as
I stay in control all is fair
to lose in war, my love removed before
I'm still moving more
And improving for - a future.
Don't worry about me.
I'm better than fine.

I'm going through something,
Okay?!
What happened to being teammates?
I can tell you how my dreams taste.
Full of blood and salt
Fear of love and loss
I can't compare thee to any seasons thought, because its only winter when your gone. Gone like the wind -
I tried to bottle up
Stick a cork in it
And keep her on a shelf
But I somehow can't always control myself
So I relied on you.
But now that glass is broken
And the idea of it is too.
This is too much.

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/fine-print

read read read
we never do it
but words we always see
and seem - to ignore
I recognize the shapes of words
colors and sizes, the meaning no more
I don't know how it got this way
but I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor
I'm trying to ignore - the voices
in the ceiling and under the floor

her lips pressed against mine
guess
i thought i'd be impressed by
now
this wet met oughta get south
woah -
let's not get ahead of ourselves
take piece of the past
make it a nightmare in fact
so many to choose from
no wonder i never adapted
only reacted always distracted
i can't help it, can you?
living in fear, another year passed
last i remember, it was september
falling tears black - feeling sheer trapped
snap back - to now, i don't know where you are
or who you talk to - what you do
or if i'm in your thoughts still -
and trust me, it's impossible for me to pick up the phone
and call, text or whatever - and forget
sending that letter - i write, like each night
oh well - there's always tomorrow i suppose.

So what if the early bird catches the worm?
I'm night owl at a crow bar -
dim lighting dusty drinks and dead sets
of eyes around the room -
Barely visible -
I twist my neck again for you -
I've been working on a nest egg
while walking egg shells
I've gazed at the moonlight
And I've waited for you.

misery's a matter of believing motivation matters more than discipline




https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/follow-you-there

no tie
third button unbuttoned
bare knees
open toed shoes
but what good is it
if the yellow tape tastes like plastic

Baby - I often
have a tough time writing for you
it's just like
after everything that we've been though?
I don't know where to start -
but I know when we meet and hug
it's as if you just stare square into my heart, my soul
and all the sadness, the despair the fear the darkness unfair - I trust and let go
so you must know
it's as if my spirit has met it's mate, we just flow
Baby - you must know, it's like raindrops in rivers
endless and filling, plus there's no telling why
hearing your name has shot me shivers, how
I don't know - but trust that
I believe we've started, drawing with words
the only cure to the pain procured when we depart
I get overwhelmed
sometimes when egos inflate and anxieties swell
so I count on you, to help me climb higher than from from where I fell
To only you, I can tell
that my mind body and soul love you more than I can comprehend
it's just there - it's like magic,
unexplained, and far from plain
explosive amazing and tragic
and it I'd never change
because it's us - you and me, and the truth, to me is
it will never be wrong to love you, baby
when feelings are fact
there's no keeping the ceiling intact
that's what's appealing
that's what's healing
that's what's stealing, everything I have left
to offer to gain, we're constantly improving
breaking boundaries, renewing vows and even losing
but making out the - best of it
and I know we both get stressed a bit -
and that's perfectly fine, but I believe in you
and us and the sun and how it can blind if you don't do what's right -
but I refuse - to turn a blind eye
to my life, with you - no matter what
no petty fights or past pain
no long work weeks or flash rain
so even if I'm ever to meet my last days
I want you to know, I'll never regret
the times we laughed and cried
the nights I was asking why we're were trapped inside
the days we gazed with the sunlight in our face
hours of phone calls, little notes on receipts
wonderful jokes and brushing our teeth
I'm holding on, as long as this life is burning in me
because my love is your's to keep, for eternity

is it freedom
to give away what's mine?
I taste the air, in the wind
and you, in my mind - I wonder, if
to forget today, will I wish away the light - ?
then until I turn blind - and numb - and why -
we run
I'm innocent - I
I didn't see it coming - I
I just let it happen -
I didn't plan on going out tonight
and then you came over after -
is it freedom
to give away what's yours - ?
cold handcuffs and red wine -
You're guilty - You
pretended you knew you were coming - You
You just let it happen -
You didn't plan on this tonight
but you just wanted action -
Tradition.
Free to do, free to please
What's free to you, it's what sets me free
and I don't need what I don't have and
I won't be a victim of this greed -
She hasn't called, I haven't either
and I still wonder what she thinks of me -