I've fallen asleep at screens
and have had nightmares where
static snow falls and is making a snowman out of me
no - no - I beg and plead
but it happens that I can't move my feet
I look at my phone but for some reason I cannot read -
and as they trudge closer, my frozen cheeks
cracking under the winds shrieks
grow colder against my teeth, chatter
please - i don't want to be a snowman.
and then i wake up.
drenched in sweat again.

i'm outdoorsy in a sense
where i like to
drink
on patios
watch the people smile
tan animated hands and sunglasses
football friendship
i like people
on television
on telephones

You don't call
But I still visit
Always out of reach
Never out of mind so
I reach and
I reach
and I
r e a c h

Anagram isn't defined by what it looks like -
Anagram sees
what all others miss
Anagram,
how do you manage this?

what do i think of success?
i think it comes pressed, hard and you break it up
serve it to the fiends while you cakin' up
blurry thoughts that i can't make it out
well my 'friend', posted up you should take it down
off this digital billboard
populated pixels people **** for
while they just bill more
for real though -
what do i think of success?
shucks, well it's probably more complex
than this complex i have impressed
upon my mindset, heck
no wonder im pressed for time every time
i try to rise shine it's already ******* nine pm
so i'll lead sheep blind while i sleep
the only time i can find myself
what do i think of success?
i know it takes hard ignorance and persistence, relevance and intelligence
not just a nod and a yes
it's not windswept, it's being led
leading, it's existing ahead but seeing
below with insight - i hold this pen tight
every minute alongst midnight, i will dream of success

I could do anything
if I tried
the training
the mentor
the moment
for the right price
I would do anything
and if I lied
and told you
it was over
would you believe it?
We were strangers
smoking cigarettes
watching sunsets
asking  ourselves
What difference does it make

Khhhhh
Them Mtown boys are back at it again -

I don't recommend it
There are more valuable
Sections
To consume
First.

She - had a birthday recently,
and I didn't say anything.
She - got a new job recently, according
to LinkedIn.com, and I didn't say anything.
She - posted something ****** on Tumblr recently,
and I didn't say anything.
She - took a left on Main St. and stopped to get coffee,
(iced regular) - she paid cash, she dropped her straw
wrapper, she smiled and waved -
She - never saw me and I didn't say anything.

everybody i know
dresses up like monsters
and ghosts
every day i
have ever known
and today is as cold as it
was once those windows
cracked open with a
wind of razorblades and let
you into my life like
a feral raccoon eating
at me like a heaping trash can

... so how about a..

"You sure you wanna leave this page and ruin that massive masterpiece you mistakenly wrote here rather than in a document?"

                        ..window that pops up before one of my dumb fingers slips against glass?

                                   relief

that'd be fantastic.
because sadly it happened to me, yesterday.
i wrote up this giant thing
and then it got annihilated
so with that in fact let's say
that every shed of light that this poem accumulates
we put towards this - feature, okay?
and i'm well aware i don't have the greatest of reach
but sharing and liking and blaring this message deep
is just as important for this to be
successful, because please
it's stressful. not being able to speak.
knowing it was only expressed tongue in cheek.
i refuse to admit defeat.

because let's be real people.
we owe this to our future selves.




//i just realized i wrote this here right now, luckily i didn't lose it.
:p*//

i met a girl tonight
well
i met before but
i didn't know her
name
yet

I stay up late
She sits on his face
I'm the only one to blame
She agrees
Hands and knees
Head and shoulders
Rinse me clean -
Sins, sins
I can't begin to explain
Ever since, then
Anything else seemed plain

She's your friend
Your friend
He's got his hand
On her leg, he's -
got short hair
on his face, she's -
got a short skirt
on the way to his place -
I'm at home
With my hands
At last alone
With my hands.

it's almost 2 years
since i saw her last, -
her eyes in her hands
and my heart in my lap -
- it's been hours i can't count
and days since we spoke -
i read frequencies and signals
and drink in the smoke -
- and in early mornings, i glow with the stars, -
and nights, i get back late and sit in my car -
i think about her and how
it's almost been 2 years

i know you look at light
and think of what
we could have been but
honey
we are
in another life
i'm waist deep
in your honey jar

i should be sleeping
all
the
t i m e
with that type of logic -
if -
i live in public
does that make me homeless ?
if -
the government steals my identity
how can i prosecute who stole it ?
i'm an open
book - chapter 1

i am forgiven
for the ways i have wasted
for days, i had been tasting
fruit from a tree i found
i am forgiven
for kissing her on the mouth
for days in rewind
Neptune, Neptune

we whisper white lies between dark truths
flame-like tongues flicker between teeth
a friendship dependant on what you're able to prove
hoping to appear naive
but nothing to lose
a soul feared, is a soul had
her lipstick smeared, a moment
i wish i could go back
and stop myself, resist
temptation, and tell myself
resist temptation
do it for your future self
he'll be glad you did
but that didn't happen
'cause here i am, trapped in
this passive
aggressive, sad and obsessive
tragic and mixed message flashing
it's getting - me sick

as a kid I was told
I’m as mindful as a much
older
person
but lately the soul’s been hurtin'
thinkin' about all the occasions I had
chosen stolen over purchased
God - I wish I'd known it wasn't worth it
but no -
it's too late now
I'm wide awake at my own wake
people cry and face a coffin closed and placed
around it are a bunch of ******* bright flowers and cardboard cards
that'll too, die (relatively) soon.

I don't really care.
Like if I did,
things wouldn't be like this
Like, if I cared
We'd talk more than once a month
If I cared
I'd see you outside of the holidays
If I cared
I'd have so many
more memories
of us. But I don't care.
I wake up.
I
Fall asleep
I order dinner
and I eat.

if these fettered feathers will ever be better
reversed intent
i could gain back the
time i spent
sipping lime mint mojitos
getting bit by mosquitoes
bloodsuckers that be
feeding their egos
jeez, there we go
over the same routine, and you never get it
are you stupid or deaf?
im blinded by the minute -
my decisions a mess
living upset
given a nest
built on a ship
i perch and jump - just to flee this ****
diving at your purse, life's broke
but i take what i can from this *****
plus with a wide set hips and a bright sets of lips
i can't help my attraction

terror, terror everywhere
no time to stop and think

sleep
Like I used
To - Wake
Up like I
Used to -
i don't -
Need
It
Anymore.

we would ride in a car
windows down and
smoke - and we would take turns
driving with our eyes closed -

Never put a muse on standby.
Easily unamused, she'll leave you a bystander.

i dont remember much
but it doesn't mean
ive quite given up
no
if anything i could not care less
about careless lust
apparent lack of enough
what
brought us here i need to know
i refuse to wait for the fourth date
plus she's ready to go
ready to go, bags packed
she's been ready to go

does it really matter?
that I don't remember?
does it really matter?
that every minute I'm enveloped
by letters - patterns and combinations
of words making sure I comprehend where we're
headed? maybe your city is sinking
maybe you're make up isn't as pretty as you were thinking -
genetically speaking
rotting what remains on the weekends
I don't want to forget I guess
it's just what happens next I guess
it's just what happens when you're laughing
and the seconds are flashing by
You're friends are gone by the time you realize
what time it is - the lights are on
their lights are out - I should be asleep
but I can't figure out how
to get there in what's deemed a reasonable time
by the time I have to be where I'm told
I wonder how many times this will happen until
I look up to the mirror old - and grey
I was told, this would happen someday
but when? I ask -
I don't think it's too unreasonable to want to know.

I'm told I'm dangerous when I smile
Good thing it doesn't happen too often

i said as glass sprayed my
flesh like a shaken coca-cola
i could taste blood
the night i met my Muse -
i tried to ignore you
for so long, but my gut bacteria
has other plans apparently

I draw conclusions like a toddler
does a home - crude
rudimentary - scratches
Like that of the inside of a coffin -
It's dark in here, you know
Opposites attract I suppose
Probably get charged with battery
by the time I'm drained -
I'm never letting go -
Self sustaining - I'm -
Selling paintings - I
Can't afford to brush off the truth -
There is war, everywhere.

If I can get away with it
It's safe to say I tried
Handjobs over
Handbags
Hand over fist, the first fight
I fought, I thought
I'm in the right, no wrongs
Swinging fists
At God -
I lost. Two black eyes and a dented
aluminum can. A concussion
A broken heart
And the Humiliation out of televisions.
Hallelujah hallucinations -
The kids only did what they saw.
Hallelujah hallucinations -
The parents let them live through their thoughts.
Hallelujah hallucinations -
I'm not saying I didn't deserve it
Past Present Future
Fractals of opposing decisions void
of logic, fingertips wet anticipation
over a keyboard. Throat foaming
purple capsules and
a full tank of yellow gasoline a bottle
of Xenka warm under summer seats
(warped plastic adds flavor)
Like a dog panting, I broke the forth wall
simply for the sake of freedom.

the term reminds me that this body is a home
a home with a blue bicycle on its side
on the lime yellow lawn - patches of rust
and a broken screen door that whines when you open it -
moss and mold, lead paint and live wires exposed
my lights flicker, like my my heart ticks without being told -
cold drafts and rings of stained beer marks on the counter -
an empty fridge, an unkept bed
a broken dish washer, and a sink full
the air is still stale here, she said as she
ashed her cigarette on the floor and smiled

Let's go for a walk, my love,
The air is full of Blue Jay's
The music is a new familiar type
of hypnosis, I kiss dollar bills folded into swans as I throw them into fountains at malls -
Yes, we'll all float on
Whether it's in the ocean
Face down, a new ecosystem of love
and death, and mossy micronutrients
bubbling popping into rainclouds
Ah yes. I love a good margarita after a long day.

i'm no saint
i never
followed all the rules
not often
i conveniently forgot to tell the truth -
but often, enough
i was living like i had nothing to lose -
it's unfair
when you're unaware
blind eye to the only voice around
i drive fast
because i have places
i'd rather be than here

I think you should be able to out whatever you want into your body -
It's your body
If it's not, if at some point, you know
That changed? We should probably all agree -
Isn't that a democracy?
But that isn't what the decree -
He wants to repeal
What he cannot reach
He bases how he feels
On what he will preach
Onto places tiny stubby fingers shall never reach -
Oh Lord, why give us a gift
To only request it be returned?
Have I been that ungrateful?
Will I get what I deserve?

I do stuff
I pet dogs
Smile at babies
Make cash deposits
I work
I hear voices and I talk
to voices -
My voice, isn't me, it
isn't as deep, it's
As if the ideas - I think
are universal
Some cosmic case I cracked
has me a prisoner -
people say, it's a small world -
and I agree.

I know why we didn’t work out
Maybe when waiting is too heavy and
There’s no point in trying to pick it up anymore.

i am a hot mess, she said
with a white hot smile
piercing a migraine deep into my face
i didn't know what to say
i'm charming, i
burn liquids at a rate that would make
American forefathers sick
i'm careful, i
hit speeds in my head that could break
this atmosphere like a warm shell
in a cold barn, i
am aware
of the spoiled foot i discard
without shame - i
am not alone is this, she said

took writing seriously
i was at a glass desk
with a glass heart
shattered
piecing it back together
with each letter

took the day seriously
i was at a glass desk
with a glass heart
s h a t t e r e d
piecing it back
together
with each letter
i was
learning from sewer traps
and breathing smoke with words
i was chaos like a tumbleweed

she’s the breathe of fresh air
in this toxic pollution
and even when there’s nothing left here
no future, but fear, she’s got a solution
so no, it’s not easy to be renewing -
but so easy, to ruin -
one match this bridge is gone
roadblocks can make us feel trapped and lost
but I want your hand clasped as we cross

my eyes
tingle, and my lips
curve
my music...
the music -
shadowy slates
a cold surface damp
pixelated vibrations
i tend to ask too many questions
i'm told
i tend to ask too many questions
i know

how many lips have you kissed since mine?
how many times of those did you think of me?
how many times did you wake up from dreams?
where we were together
and the air was still
our hands warm, and there's you -
getting everything you want,
and more.

Lately I been lost in the darkness
candlelight - pen on the parchment
**** right, I used to be so quick to start ****
freckled reckless and record almost speckless
never arrested, it was never expected, suspected
to lose direction, maybe I did maybe not
they say as long as you have a soul to lose then a soul you got...

to be watched all day

six figures spinning
like roulette wheels
red and black and white
oh Lord, please let me
just get lucky tonight -

i pray for rain
plead the stars
shun the sun
and abuse the earth