you only like girls
who are
fearless
but still
look to you
for protection.

you only like girls
with no
insecurities
yet you
hate it
when she
stands up
for herself.

you only like girls
with perfect hair
and a perfect face
without acne
or wrinkles
even without
any makeup.

you only like girls
that don't
seem to
exist.

you're saying that you sympathize
but i can see the pity in your eyes

i cannot help but be jealous of those who are my age and doing great things; it has gotten so bad that i begin to dislike these people, though they have done nothing wrong to me or anyone else.

on another note, i am constantly getting the feeling that i am wasting my life. is this normal? no matter what i do, whether i complete meaningless tasks or important ones, when i spend hours watching a tv show or hours practicing a sport i’ll never be great at, i am hindered by the thought that i could be doing something better with myself.

i think i am feeling worse than usual. life has been a daze recently, and only now is it catching up to me. what will i do? sit back, relax, and watch the world crumble? or should i take the horse by the reigns and fight back against everything i’ve been taught?

either one i choose will be regretted in later life. so i suppose i should pick the one that i’ll regret less, though i wonder if i will live long enough to see the day where i am able to finally decide.

gentle sobs escape her fearful mouth
a cacophony of shrieks erupt from the other room
her idea of a good weekend has been changed forever
for anything would be good compared to this.

sometimes
when i close my eyes
the world starts spinning
and i am left in the middle,
unmoving

i trust you and the golden truths
you spill out into my ear,
the ones who weave their way
through my cracked ribs and tired lungs
into my freezing heart.
i also trust your iron lies,
the ones that melt from your lips and
gather in my mind where i
wonder if i can trust you or not.