I'm too young
To understand;
I wish we never met.

I am not slave to my sins,
For I created them.
I am not innocent,
For I know my shame.

I am king,
For I have power...
I am judge,
For I have that right...
**no longer

This beautiful girl will never notice me.
She's intelligent and serious, yet silly.
She will never look my way.
I scare people and am just too rude.
She will never think of me.

I desire simply to ask her out.
To go see a few sights and discuss
Something only weird pretentious people understand.
I would love to hold her hand
And hear her sweet nothings.
I would sing and write poems for you.
I would savour every word you said
Because I don't get much.

You would mean the world to me.

A thousand believers
All chanted in love.
I listened and sang.
I shouted and cried.
"God let me believe."
I tried to call out.
"Please let me feel
The way they do.
I want to believe"

The chant swelled into
A light call for some,
And a desperate plea to me
Until the nothingness gave me
The moment I first believed.

Different people,
That both only know one true language:
Poetry.

Sometimes death can be easy
Not that coping is
I remember that
I've lost some great people
Strange
So much love and care in such fragile beings
We were created to break
And so death can be easy
I'll still cry
I'll still miss all you people
Goodbye to my family
Goodbye to my friends
I loved the world
I love you all
Just don't be so angry
Death can be easy

There were no nights
Greater than when
We kissed.
And things are different
You are miles away
While I wait in darkness

If I fell asleep and didn't wake,
Would you cry?
Would  you care?
Come to die
The boatman's fare
Crossing over
Did you stare?
Across the river
I see a light
There you are
You took your life…

Toast to to new sorrows
In those forgotten tomorrows.
To new goodbyes
Because I couldn't say.
To not letting go
While trying to grow.
To misery and pain
Soaking in like the rain.
To a new year of the old
As I quickly grow cold.

Silly red drink
I cannot think
****** blue knife
I took your life
Dumb purple eyes
I'm filled lies
Hungry grey bars
Prison leaves scars

My brain is fried
My head is all right
My heart has died
My chest is still tight
I hear the car roar,
A click, a blang,
Shot down in my front door

Darkness surrounds
You stick to harm.
Pain sees no bounds
With an alluring charm.

At night it is all.
By light you will fall.
Drown in your blood:
Your personal flood.

I see fake smiles with dry teeth
on a dead tree I'm the last leaf
cling to the cliff
or fall without fear?
The tears.
Autumn again

Days can burn
Time can hurt
Everyway
Everyday
Footsetep
Footstep
Broken
Footstep
Matching forward
Road to nowhere
Fear is taught
Hate is learned
Suns will burn
Time won't heal
Life comes undone
We start again

I had wanted ***
When I found love.
Now I want less
Than what I'm rid of,
But pain escapes
My empty shell.
I lie awake
In a cursed hell
Where numbness endures
And death is life

I know few words.
I'm not so bright.
I'd die by swords.
I'm not so nice.
I think I'm empty.
I cannot write.
I'm jealous of you,
While you're all right.
I'm flawed inside.
It's what I poorly say,
Yet in the end:
It's all okay.

I'm no good at love
As I search to be happy.
I became wonderful at lust
To find only sadness.

I searched for an answer
By only bleeding questions.

I wanted to hold on tighter
To only lose my grip.

I fell down into myself
Crying to be pulled out.

I'm trapped all alone
Wanting to be free with another.

Now I've lost all
Now I've gained nothing.

How much you left behind.
The music in my ears,
The poems in my mind,
My strong faith that takes all fears.

I hate what I hear
What I'm seeing
I'm looking in the mirror and I'm bleeding
My favourite prop is now reduced to shiny rocks
Glass on the floor
In my veins
Scratching me
Can't feel the pain
Anger
Rage
Anything
Nothing here
Can't be saved
Once flying high
Now burning low
Can't concentrate
I'm stupid now
Forget me here
Or save me, "friends"

Even pain
Is loving
When you
Feel nothing else

It angers me
How much I could love you
How much I would weep
How much I would plead
How I'd break my own arms
Hell I even tore at my body
To understand
To become
To know
How I destroyed it once
How we could save us
It angers me how I killed myself daily
How I tried
How in the end we both went numb
We both stopped seeing it
We didn't change
We just grew older
It angers me
That we both died
For nothing

Is it so strange
To love?
Is it so strange
To want love?
Is it so strange
That I am alone?

Why do I have
To feel something
When you feel nothing?
I just can't be me again.
Not after that.

The blade ran away
The gun stole your legs
You walk here today
and drink out of kegs.
Your long hair is grey
Your pale skin is dead
You leave now today
Your life goes unsaid

An untuned guitar
Plays songs familiar.
A melody not strummed
Seems peculiar.
The song rises up
And bellows out.
My happy voice
Begins to shout.
I beg for a song-
I lose the tune.
My voice has gone.
I'm stuck not in bloom.

You make my head hurt
You make my bones ache
Say that I'm dirt
You call me a fake.
You say what I'm worth
My bones are to break.
The fire leaps from the hearth
You tremble and shake.
You turn to ash first.

Love is not everything
For we need limits.
Love is left fleeting
For the sad man forgets.

With each other we fell
Apart we fell still.
In love we're not well,
And out we fall ill.

I inhale sweet darkness
That consumes my mind.
I dispel purity and innocence
To invite sin and pity in for rest.

"It's bad for you" says the one
That asks me to slow down,
But I only learn less and sink
Deeper into the smooth oblivion
Of a high that lasts only
Until my pain returns.

It's strange how
My outward love
Destroys
Where it should
Create.

I was holding your hand in a dream
So everything left.
I wish for a smile that I cannot bring
To a face that has gone.

You asked me once why I would act
Like I do.
I only ever wanted to selfishly keep
You.

You ran away like a sane person would
So I must ask what you would have said.

That table that day.
When you forgave me, and shook hands.
If I stayed longer, would we have
Understood each other a little?

Or would it end the same with a sad boy and a girl that he will always trust.

Was it worth it
To be alone?
Or to want to be known
By someone worth ****?

Do we realize we're crazy
For trying to be sane?
Or are we the same,
So alone and too lazy?

The more we pretend we're fixed
The more apparent it is:
We are a broken family.

I have something within me
That does not belong.
I have some kind of
Pain that refuses to escape.
I am here and
I am myself.

You are away
And you are a lie.

Somewhere between
Dancing and singing
All music ceased
In the minds
Of those that needed
To hear beauty.

The silence penetrated
Louder than any instrument.

The ******'s
Screams rose
To a cacophony
Of painful hymns
Until the screams
Were hushed
Instantly.

There is growth within us.
There is strength inside.
We flow and we fall.
That day, I too cried.

I remember it as yesterday,
And I remember faithful
Wednesday.
You can forgive me, but I am not forgiven.

I am slave to myself.
I am slave to my ways-
Selfish, and angry,
Lonely, and cocky.

I am surrounded in by an army of friends,
Yet without something to fill that made up void.
I am alone to myself.

I am a coward.
I am a sinner.
I am a thief.
I am me.

And I haven't yet grown.

Love is understanding
where you should be.
Near or far

I do not miss a lover.
I lost a friend

Quiet brown  eyes
Soft red lips
Angry white hands
Lovely blue fire.
It kisses my skin
Embraces my heart
Silences my rage
Makes my lips part
I look back to me
I'm nowhere to be found
I scream to the heavens
I'm buried in the ground

I wish to not love
Though love you I must.
My heart's dumb as a dove
For you alone I lust.

We had to say goodbye
Yet I yearn for your kiss.
Though I will never try
To love you like this
Never happened.
Because it did.

Age old words
Pain without love
Killings by sword
Hell from above

Cry, baby, cry
She's dead in her eyes
Die, baby, die
She took her own life
The sunlight beamed
The people screamed
One simple line
Scratched in her flesh
"It was your fault"
We all caused her death

I learned to forget.
Forgot how to love.
Loved to be kind.
Kindness is lost.
Lost in your beauty.
Beauty has left.
Leave me be.
Be okay.

We look out our windows
I wish I could talk
Find somthing to say
Everything dies
Nobody stays
Love can go cold
You can let go
All fears will grow old
We never stayed together
We always said, "I love you"
We tried tried to like the other
You once said you hate me
Now, baby, just hate me
We know that we're flawed
And we know I'm the true monster

Shower curtain
Frozen veins
****** pillow
Reddish stains
Lifeless body
Still screams names
Fear of heart
Water drains
My lips part
I killed her pain

I'm breaking down again
Painfully and slowly.
There is love around me
And I weep.
I pray someone saves me
Before I regret my actions.

I feel the desire
To once again hold you close.
Good you don't feel it.

I looked in the mirror. All I saw staring back was this beast. I see this monster. This evil creature I'd become. I watch the tears roll down my face, and I just look so much uglier. "How do I fight you?!" I shout. I look so small. I'm weak. I can't handle my thoughts, emotions. I can barely lift an eight pound weight well. I'm puny. I am useless in school. I feel unloved by near everyone. I can't stand this creature in the mirror. I can't be weak anymore.
I tilt the chair
My feet dangle and kick
And just as the world fades, I see that this made me weaker than I was before. I never could be strong. How ironic.