you blame me for my pain,
insecurities that are boxed in
you say i am the reason
that the sun falls in the evening
so that it may not hear my cry for help
in the darkness of the nights
you are blinded when the sun rises
too blinded to realize
you are to blame

you must taste the bitterness
of the fruits you bear

you know, they say
there is light at the end of the tunnel
but tell me,
how long must this journey last

do you regret it?
abusing your soul with a drink
“just one won’t hurt”
isn’t that how you think
one turned into four
then five and six and seven
did you ever stop to think
your next paradise was heaven

i was never hit
but my heart still aches
by your words that were fire
which made me break
i’m left bruised and broken
confused and outspoken

why have you defeated me again

my mind is full of clouds
but they are not the good kind,
no
they are the kind that suffocate me
they taunt me and humiliate me
leave ***** whispers as lovers in public
but these are not sweet whispers
they are lists of why i’d be better gone
i wish i could say what they tell me
but these clouds would devour me whole

i am one wave in a storm
surrounded by hundreds of others
headed to shore to crash and self destruct

i used to drown in your love
it would devour me and fill my lungs
with happiness
i could breathe you in without sinking
but now
i do not know how to swim