I never thought you’d make me cry
Until the night you asked
You asked me if there was anyone who could possibly see you
See you the way I’ve seen you for so long
My heart is aching
I want to shout
I feel defeated
Defeated because you can’t see!
See what I thought was so apparent
So I'll sit here and cry myself to sleep tonight
And admit the defeat that I never thought I would

After a while you begin to realize
That life is what you make it
That he really didn't mean it when he said he would love you forever
And  that it'll be a long journey back to finding who you used to be
After you decide to give in and let go
Finally say "**** it" and not care about the rest of them
Because you realize that no one else matters
Except for you and what you think of yourself

After a while you begin to realize
That if you would have just said no
Sent him home and not allowed the advances to happen
You might be a little less damaged
A little more capable of taking care of yourself
But everything changed after that night
Even though that night wasn't the beginning of it

After a while you begin to realize
That your past does affect you
Whether you want it to or not
That the night he took advantage
Left you more messed up than you could want
You don't know why he did it—
After all he's blood—
And relation should have drawn the line
Way before he decided to stop

After a while you begin to realize
That you're stronger than you think
You've been to hell and back
But it's made you the person you are today
And you wouldn't take it back for the world
It might sound strange, wanting the bad with the good
But the mixed bag makes life interesting
And makes you ready for anything

After a while you begin to realize
That you're ready to take on the world
It might be scary
And it might come with some bad
But you know you can conquer it

Angels—
Are there when you need them
And help you through the bad
We don’t always see them
Especially when we’re sad

Demons—
Come in our darkest times
To pull us into the pain
Though you do not always understand the crimes
You always feel the shame

Angels—
You do not always see them
As they come and go
But after we leave them
They hold a place inside our soul

Demons—
You do not always understand the crime
That they bring upon our self
It’s then when we usually go to the divine
And take Him off the shelf

Angels—
We often take them for granted
And forget to thank the Lord
For bringing them into our lives
When we go out to face the world

Demons—**
Are something never wanted
But they always take
You seem to feel like you’re being haunted
And you hope that the feeling is fake



We don’t really understand them
But they are always in our life
They are our worst enemies
And our best friends for life

Is an angel always an angel,
Or can it be a demon too?
Most think there is a clear difference,
But they don’t have a clue

How do we differentiate
When the line between them isn’t clear?
This fact becomes very obvious
In all the stories that we hear

We hear about a best friend
Who turned their back when their friend fell
In that instance that once beautiful angel
Turned into a demon from hell

It can also be the opposite
Because it’s not always black and white
Without ever expecting it,
Our greatest demons can bring us light

You must always be careful
To not judge on a whim
For if you judge to quickly
The outcome might be grim

So be grateful for your angels
But expect the demons too
If you live in knowing
Then you won’t be as askew

Silence and ***** looks
That's all we seem to be now
It used to not be like this
But it got like this somehow
We went form being best friends
To you barely looking my way
What did I do to deserve this?
Was it something I did or said?
Is there any way to resolve this?
So I don't lose my best friend…
Could we put aside our differences
So this friendship doesn't end?
Because you see this is really hurting me
I can't stand to be treated this way
It happened in the past
Where a "friend" stopped giving me the time of day
I wish that you would talk to me
So we could work whatever this is out
But instead you're just ignoring me
And constantly shutting me out
Hopefully we'll resolve this
And maybe be friends again
And maybe one day I'll be able to
Once again say that you're my best friend.

Head
I cant get you out of mine
Even as hard as I try
I think about you night and day
Waiting for your next reply
I wonder what you're doing
and if you think about me too
If you would ever want this to happen
Or if you've even got a clue

Over
They tell me to get over you
That you're no good for me
That really I'm just fooling myself
That this will only lead to misery
But it's not that easy
When I've fallen this deep
You've caught me in your spell
And I'm hoping it's me you'll want to keep

Heels
This is how the saying ends
I've fallen "head over heels"
I never knew it could be this dangerous
I never knew that this was how it feels
Maybe there will be a day
When you can feel the same
But I'd like you to know this is all your fault
And there is only you to blame.

It’s too bad no one knows you, because they’d really like you
But you're afraid that they’ll reject you, so there’s really nothing you can do

You put on a cloak because you don’t want to be seen
Because you know the others can be so mean
You fear the rejection from all of your peers
You’ll never tell a soul that they got to you over the years
It used to not be like this; you were one of a kind
But then things changed and made you go out of your mind
Now you only let a select few in and you choose this people with care
You love to show them the real you; it’s like a breath of fresh air

It’s too bad no one knows you, because they’d really like you
But you're afraid that they’ll reject you, so there’s really nothing you can do

So now you’re invisible; at least that’s what you think
Sometimes you wonder if you should go see a shrink
Because you feel yourself going crazy and sometimes you want to scream
You wish they would see that things are not always as they seem
But the cloak covers all, just like it does for so many before you
It’s funny to see how many really do it too

It’s too bad no one knows you, because they’d really like you
But you're afraid that they’ll reject you, so there’s really nothing you can do

All you want is a fresh start;
Somewhere you can go and show your real heart
You want to break away and be yourself
Instead of leaving the real you to rot on the shelf
You feel the real you starting to die
And even the thought of this makes you want to cry
You try to bring it out—
From the floor you scream and shout—
But it’s too late—
It’s a realization you’ve come to hate—
You’re no longer that person that you once were
And that cloak has become you forevermore.

It’s too bad no one knows you, because they’d really like you
But you're afraid that they’ll reject you, so there’s really nothing you can do

I hope when you look back
On the life that you lead
That you have regrets
That you're proud that we were brought up well
With good manners and a good temperament
But that you hate the fact
That every time you were mad
For absolutely no reason at all
That every time you went off the wall
And lost it all
You were losing another part of us

I hope you're proud              
That you gave us the best--
Education,  toys, and material things
But recognize
That all we really wanted    
Was love, time, and those things
That you can't give back to us now

You lost us
It happened a very long time ago
You didn't even realize it
Will you now?

Now that you won't be a part of my kids' lives
Or mine after this
Now that I'll get as far away as possible
Just like I couldn't
It'll be a lonely one for you;
I hope you realize it
My only question is:          
Looking back on your life
Was it all really worth it?

“Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.”
Three simple sentences said by a favorite TV persona that ring truer and truer by the day
I used to think them hogwash, certainly not right
But now I see the truth in the words and because of that I feel fright

Lose one friend
This is because of some simple riff or fight
You didn’t think anything of it
You think that everything would be alright
Little did you know that this one thing would change it all
It would change how you viewed the world;
How you saw through your crystal ball

Lose all friends
Simply because all friends take sides
They may claim they want to be Switzerland
But they can’t just run and hide
This causes a division—
A civil war among you all
Those people you used to hold dearest
Now seem like strangers behind a wall

Lose yourself
Because they have become a part of you in their own way
It happens every time someone touches your life
Whether long term or just for a day
You molded them into your life
And made them your comfort zone
You never would have expected
That one day they would be gone
It’s sad that they took part of you with them
And this makes you feel so wrong

I guess it comes with the territory
Of making and losing friends
You always hope for the best
But you really don’t know until the end

Expectations fall short
As I thought they never would
I didn't expect to lose you like I did
I didn't think you would just walk away from me like you did
Little did I know how wrong I was

Don't you see that I still care?!
Don't you see that I don't want this to fall to shambles yet I’m watching you leave
Like you don't care.
Like you want us to fail
It’s a bittersweet realization to say the least.
You were one person I thought would be there til the end
One person I could always call my best friend

Stuff got messed up
Stuff blew up
It wasn't supposed to happen this way but this is our new reality
It’s a reality where I see you every day and wonder if you think of me
Do you wonder how I am or do you not care?
Do you ask how I’ve been or do you go on your way like we never met?

I thought we would make it
But this doesn't deplete the memories I have
It just makes it that much more nostalgic of what we won’t have
I thought I had so much more time
So many more memories to create
I didn't know that they would be taken from me in a heartbeat
From one incident that changed everything
That thought brings tears to my eyes—
It makes me despise
All the passed time—
I lost it like a crime

No words can describe
What I would do to fix this
Stupid pride gets in the way
And it plays us just like any other day
Suddenly I’m at a loss for words
Because I don’t know what to do!
All I can say is, I lost you, but you lost me too

You didn’t try either and that hurts the most
You didn’t fight for me, you just let me go
I’m not sure if this will ever be right
And after this I’ll act like I don’t care
But know this—
If you ever need me, I will ALWAYS be there.

So I thought of him today
In the darkness of my mind
And there wasn’t any way
To make it go away
It happens from time to time
From a mention or a song
And I still tremble in fear
Like he’ll just come along
What has he done to me?
I used to be brave
Now I’m a scaredy cat
Now I feel betrayed
Maybe he didn’t mean to
But he shattered all my trust
And he brought me back to way back when
When I was really young
That one more changed everything—
But that he still can’t see
Which is why he’s still on the prowl
It’s why he’s still pursuing me
I pray to God that it will stop
Before it happens again
But I know better than to hope for the best in the end
That just leads to disappointment
And surprise when I get hurt
That’s not something I need
That’s not something I want
I just hope he comes to his senses
And realizes I’m not the one
Because if he doesn’t
I might end up more broken than before

I’m ready to break open like a glass shattered into a million pieces
I don’t know how much more I can take before the pressure will make me crack
I feel their eyes on me, watching my every move
I know that they want me to make a mistake, they need it, they thrive on it
But I can’t do that, I have to keep pushing forward
I can’t let the pressure get to me, not yet
I can’t let them see what they are doing; if I do then they will win
I can’t let them win, THEY WILL NEVER WIN

I'm not the kind of girl that you meet every day.
I'm unusual and I like it that way.
I don't like being normal. Where's the fun in that?
I am who I am and there's no changing that.
So like me for who I am or hate me for what I'm not.
That's really your choice but at least give me a shot.
I took the time to get to know you.
So shouldn’t you do the same and get to know me too?
Just remember not to judge by what you see and hear—
If you follow my word then what you think will be loud and clear.
I don't know what will happen as time goes by
And the only way to find out is by giving it a try.
So put yourself out there; take a risk and say hello.
Just by doing that you could be getting more than what you know.
Right now you have the chance to make a new friend.
You just have to make a choice-- what will you choose in the end?

You’ll never see the pain behind her smile
Even though she’s been down for a while
She tries to act like nothing is wrong
But sometimes it’s hard to be so strong
She’ll never tell others what she has been through
Because she knows if she does exactly what they’ll do
They’ll start to judge her and it will be the end
Of ever calling any of them her friend
Why would they be if they knew
What it is that her parents do?
They always seem to be putting her down
And she feels like this sets her apart from the crowd
So she’ll never let her friends know about her pain
But if she did she’d be surprised by what she’d gain.
They have their own secrets too, although they’ll never tell
That they’ve all been through their own personal hell
It seems like they find each other without being in the know;
Like their personal pain helps their friendship to grow
So they all put up a wall and act like nothing is wrong
All while they sing the lyrics to the very same song
They pray for the day when the wall will go away
But until then they all have nothing to say

They have an everlasting impact on our hearts and souls
They do not judge us like so many others do
They are our confident, the one we can talk to
For some they are a rarity in themselves
While for others the list goes on and on
They have seen into our heart and soul
And see past the façade we put up for others
They see us, yet they still love us
They help carry us through our field of troubles
As they ensure our survival through the pain
They stay up with us, just listening, when all we need is for them to hear
They are our shoulder to cry on who don't complain as we ruin their shirts and they soak up our tears
They also tell us when we are in the wrong while sparing our feelings
And they see our craziness and share it with us crazy stunt after crazy stunt
These people are our own personal angels, sent to us,
A true blessing from God, always willing to be there with us
Who are these angels? Where can we find them?
They are disguised as friends and they are everywhere we look

I came across that old picture today and it brought tears to my eyes
It reminded me of what we used to have
We used to be a tight knit group; completely inseparable
Now I've been replaced and you don't even think of me
There's an old saying that says:
"Keep the picture. They never change. The people in them do."
How much we've all changed
I used to think you'd all be in my wedding
Now I know that that won't happen
We drifted apart, we all took different paths
Or rather, I took a different path while you all stayed on the same one together
You left me here
Now I just have the pictures
**And the memories

The pieces of the puzzle are scattered on the floor
You don’t know if you can do it anymore
You start to look around to see what you can do
But you truly don’t know if you can even get through
You see the hot mess that you were left to be
So you go to seek out help hoping you’ll be free
Free from all the pain you’ve felt and the misery
Hoping you can let it all go and just—be
The people really help you come to terms of all that has happened
And you start to see clarity that you never expected
It becomes easier and easier to simply be yourself
Until you finally take your old self off the shelf
You look down and see the puzzle pieces on the floor
And you can’t stand to see them there anymore
So you start to pick them up and put them back together
And the pieces of your life look better and better
You realize some of the pieces aren’t good for you anymore
So you throw them away so they won’t hurt you as before
Pretty soon the puzzle is put back together
And though it looks a little different, your life is better than ever

Paranoia sets in as I wonder why I always seem to just miss you
Are you avoiding me?
Do you not want to talk to me?
Is there a reason we haven't talked or seen each other in a while?

I start to question everything
I start to wonder if I imagined all the wonderful moments we had together
All the flirting, the late nights, the texts, the calls
The days when you showed me something new or told me that you cared

I'm starting to question it all and wonder if it was all a ruse
Because deep down I'm just a timid girl who's been hurt before
I've been played by the best and I thought you would be different
I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could be the one.
You could be the one that changes everything
The one that changes how I look at the world
The one that makes me believe that there is more out there than just this nothingness

Was I so wrong to think that?
Are you going to let me down?
There's really nothing I can do but sit and wait it out
A helpless girl who put her heart on the line

With nothing but a little bit of hope that it will all work out in the end

I'm striving to be accepted in a world full of hate,
I never would have thought the consequences would be this great;
I didn’t think that in order to fit in, I’d have to change who I am—
That I’d have to conform and become something else for them;
I hate what I’m doing and I don’t know why I do
Maybe it’s because I think you will notice me too
But maybe you never will, maybe it was all a mirage
Because you were too busy hiding behind your entourage
Why do I care so much and let you get into my heart,
When I’ve known that you would hurt me from the start?
So now I’m hurt and I’m having trouble letting go of you
I can truly say that I don’t know what to do.
I think I just need to walk away and take myself out of the picture
I should have done it before when I heard everyone’s stricture.
They told me you were no good, that you would just break my heart;
But I didn’t believe them; I didn’t think we would ever be apart.
Now I see that I was wrong and have been this entire time
I just wish I wouldn’t have fallen this hard and committed this big crime.
Because you see I have committed a crime, I’ve committed one to myself
I let my feelings run away with me, and left my brain on the shelf.
I didn’t pay attention to what my mind was screaming at me
Maybe if I would have, this wouldn’t be how it has to be.
Maybe we could still be friends but I don’t think that’s possible now
So I’m saying goodbye; I’ll get over you somehow.

You can't believe this happened
You fell into the trap
You never believed that it would happen like that
You said it would be different
But it's very much the same
And now you'll do anything to  erase all the pain
It brings back memories best forgotten
It makes a grown woman fall apart
And become the little girl you still are at heart

It brings you back to when it used to happen all the time
When you would live in fear of when you would be subjugated to the crime
You remember the memories so well suppressed
The ones you can't bare to get off of your chest
And to think this is all because of some little game
Something that you don't look at the same
He didn't mean to hurt you, or at least that's what you think
But just one violent touch makes you fall back and shrink

He unknowingly caused a trigger that started everything else
All those memories once forgotten have found their way off of the shelf
You need a way to escape before you self destruct
Because the crying and the screaming just make you feel amuck

You find a savior in someone else willing to lend an ear
Never really knowing exactly what they're in to hear
They learn just how you're damaged
And more of why you are the way you are
They try to make you smile
To see the future is alright to bear
They help you through the pain a little at a time
Until you can contain it again and put it away like you are fine

But you just wait for the next time that this will all happen again
Because you know you aren't as well composed as you tell your friend
You can't be after what happened--your whole world is shaken up
A once good guy became a bad guy before you could say enough is enough
This makes you feel like the lowest of the low
Like you've fallen into someone's trap
Because you always told yourself you would be better than that
Now you're not so sure and you'll probably never be
All you can do is hope and pray that you are smarter than you think.

Over time you became guarded
After they brought you down
You learned to trust no one
Because they made you feel like a clown

So you put up this wall
To protect you from the pain
Even when putting up this wall
Made you feel insane

You found that you need to stay guarded
Because no one wants to know
What goes on in your life
So you put on a show

No one’s life is perfect
But no one lets anyone see
Just how messed up
Their life just may be

Some deal with abuse
Though you could never tell
Whether physical or emotional
They are truly dealing with hell

Others may have lost someone
Through divorce or through a death
To them it’s like their once perfect life
Was taken by a theft

The thing is, we all have problems
That we don’t let others see
That’s why you can never judge someone
No matter how happy they seem to be

Always take into account
All the secrets that you keep
And that someone else could have secrets too;
You aren’t the only one in so deep

No one likes their secrets
Or that they cannot tell
But they have this sturdy wall
That they wish would’ve already fell

Some people are lucky;
They have people to break them free
Their walls get chipped away
Until they can simply just be

This wall is sometimes sacred
As it hides people from their pain
It acts like a lifesaver
That helps them to stay sane

One day people will be able
To move away from their wall
But until they are strong enough to do so
They use their wall to get through it all

Hey
I know it's been a while
Since we've last both spoken.
I'm doing fine

                                            Except
I miss you sometimes
When I least expect it
I'm not really sure why
It's not like we were anything special
Maybe it's the look in your eye
In that one moment of vulnerability
When you tore off all the layers
Of protection
That you pull so tightly
Around you
Perfectly hiding you
Making you invincible from the world


Did that scare you?
That I saw that side?
Is that why you didn't call
Didn't leave even a note or an inkling
That you had the slightest interest
Or was your interest only for those few
Moments together


Like magic
Engulfing me completely
Intoxicating my senses
Filling me to the brim
With you and the possibility of more


More that will never come
Because you won't let it

I want you to know that I go
From spurts of anger to pain
When I think of you
And what we could have had
Sometimes I still hold hope
Before remembering
Stupid girl, it'll never work


You make me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows
And you don't even know it
Funny
Because I don't want you to
You don't deserve that
And at this rate you never will


Well this is getting long winded
And it's something you'll never see
Because really why would you?
You never even think of me!
So I guess it's time
To finish what I have to say
There's really nothing else
Other than
Goodbye

I find my mind drifting back to you
Wondering what you're doing right now
Wondering if you're thinking of me
It happens from time to time
Especially when something happens
Good, bad, mediocre--I find myself wanting to tell you about it
What's happening to me?
Am I turning into this lovesick fool?
When did this minor crush turn into something this strong?
I'm not sure if I like it--
The vulnerability like a shy kid on his first day of high school
You literally have a part of me that no one else can take
I don’t know when it happened, when you claimed that part of me
But you did
And now here I am
Thinking about you
*And wanting to tell you everything about me

I look to see if you’re online again
A bad habit that I should get out of
It’s been a bad day
And you’re the only one I want to talk to
Just a look to the right
Just a glimpse to see if you are there
But you still aren’t like I wish you were
I’m three degrees away from obsession
Toeing the line and getting closer to it with each passing moment
You’re like a drug to me and I can’t seem to get enough
I just want to talk to you
Because I know you can make it all better
But then you come online and I do nothing
I’m like a teenager again—waiting
Waiting to see if you will say something to me first,
To ask me how I’m doing
To see if you need me like I need you
Although I already know the truth
Or at least I think I do
So I keep quiet and watch as you come and go
You’re gone again and I feel that emptiness inside me come forth
Obsession is creeping up
I’ll push it back as long as I can
And wait for my twisted mind to go back to normal

We talk and it's all I can do but smile
You make me giddy
You make me feel like a little kid again
We joke and kid and I feel like I'm floating on a cloud
You'll do anything to see me smile
And I'll do anything to keep this going
I want this to last forever
I want to be able to stay here and revel in what we have
But like all good things, this must come to an end
You say goodbye and we part ways again
And I wonder when the next time will be
When I can float on this cloud again
And talk about absolutely nothing
With you

The words cut you like a knife cutting into your skin
Words you never thought you'd hear uttered from those lips to yours
Words that never do good--only damage
Damaging the person they're said to but also the reputation of the one who said it
Damaging the trust between the two people
Breaking the bond that they once might have shared
Two words; seven letters; doing irrevocable damage never thought possible
Everything is different now--even if you don't know it
You changed everything with your words and there's no going back to where we once were
I hope this is what you wanted because the damage is already done

You Only Live Once…
So laugh as much as you can
Laughter can cure even the greatest ills and make even the worst days better
It can even reconcile the most troubled of friendships
You Only Live Once…
So find those who love you for you and stick by them
Those are the people who will matter in the long run
And those are the people who will stand by you when things fall apart
They will ALWAYS be there to pick you up if you let them.
You Only Live Once…
So don’t sweat the small stuff
You will make mistakes but everyone does
It’s not about the mistakes that you make but how you handle them after the fact
Pick yourself back up. Keep moving. Everything will be OK.
You Only Live Once…
So find what you are passionate for and go for it
When you find your passion, you find something that will get you up in the morning and make you excited to live.
Passion exhilarates you. It makes you alive.
Embrace that. You will never regret that.
You Only Live Once…
So trust in God and His plan.
He knows what He wants for you and when you let Him take the wheel, everything will fall into place.
Believe in Him. He won’t let you fall.
You Only Live Once…
So give it your all and nothing less.
This way you don’t ever have regrets and no one can ever tell you that you have to try harder
Also this way you know at the end of the day that you’ve done all that you could to make your day the best it could be
You Only Live Once…
So be happy. Take chances. Make the best out of what you were given and never take anything for granted.
You never know when something could be taken away from you and you never know when your time will come to an end
You only know that You Only Live Once…