Mother Nature takes her toll
On complex creatures with gentle souls
She sends them rain when they seek solace
Her stars shine so bright that they them flawless
Rays beam the brightest when they're down
And shines their warmth upon their frowns
She opens their third eye so they might see
The striking beauty in a rugged tree
They look more closely and discover
That her roots connect us to each other

Feelers in tune with the universe
Synchronicity is what I crave
But when no one knows your frequency
You must wait for them to catch the wave

You might have executed the devil's plan
May have even pulled the rug out from where I stand
But all you really showed was your sleight of hand
Just another boy, pretending to be a man.

Everything is routine now. You get lost going through the motions. You wake up, you brush your teeth, you drive to work. You find yourself seeking temporary solace in the mundane moments. Your daily coffee. A customers compliment. A coworkers joke. You answer emails and engage in at least a few brief human interactions. You sit in traffic, you make dinner, you shower. You do some household chores and you maybe get to indulge in a tv show. You most likely have a vice but it is probably losing its allure by now. You maybe get a vacation once a year. Is this just adulthood or is this the rat race of life? How can I maximize my happiness? Where is all the joy? Where are my flashback “movie moments”?

I started to write the best story I had ever let myself imagine when it abruptly stopped. The main character's focus shifted and there was nothing I could do to change it. I looked back at it later and realized it's better if I don't pick it apart or try to rearrange the words. Or try to embellish. It's too complex to be reduced to words.

(You're my unfinished poem. The perfect ending that will never transpire.)

You put a smile across my face
You lift me up on gloomy days
You help me keep the dark at bay
I'm unfamiliar with your ways
Somehow I manage to navigate
The twists and corners of your maze
our views, our soul, are all the same
One question snaps me out of daze
"Is love only a twist of fate?"
And if pray so do feelings fade?
Not much longer will we have to wait
To figure out if destiny is just cliché
I know I've found my true twin flame
If u dare to follow ill lead the way...

I was a special little girl
Who was forgotten in this world
No one bothered to water me
Or let the sun shine on my leaves
No one told me that I could sing
They held me down & clipped my wings
They grew back just so I could see
Who I was always meant to be

You know what I'm bad at? Filling in the gaps of people. I rush to get to their nucleus and assume the best. I always imagine people to be who I would prefer them to be and end up disappointed in the end. I need to slow my process of getting to know people and let them be their flawed raw selves. But my versions always better.

You're ice
I'm fire
You're casual
I'm all or nothing
You're modern
I'm old fashioned
You're an attention seeker
I don't need validation
You're mainstream
I hide underground
You're lighthearted and airy
I'm the epitome of darkness

Fresh heartache - nothing makes u feel so alive
Yet so close to death at the very same time

My sadness lives inside me
Carving out a home
It cannot find another
At least I'm not alone
Follows me like a shadow
It's very own entity
We always rejoin each other
Like the tide returns to sea

Searching for something to fill me up
Looking for answers in the bottom of a cup
Existential crisis, need some advice
Unfortunately reality is never that nice

I was the moth to your hypnotic flame
You're the hypocrite that casts me shame
I'm the girl with good intentions
You're the ***** with cruel rejections
I'm the moral of every story
You're only in it for kicks and glory
You're the ashes and I rise like smoke  
You're just the **** of a really bad joke

I wasn’t born with a door
I had to build one for myself
To keep out people like you
Who place me on a dusty shelf

I can’t tell you anything real
You don’t live in reality
I have to fake how I feel
It tests my own mortality

I ripped my blindfold, I can see
Life's not what it's cracked up to be
But these were the cards dealt to me
To convey it even remotely
I write this little elegy
To let my mind and spirit free

You gave me enough space
You gave me enough time
For me to finally realize
You were never going to be mine

It is a draining job you see
Absorbing all your energy...

Showing your true colors only when you're bout to lose
Never knowing when to fold or when to pay your dues
Cannot hide your face you must really **** at poker
I know I'm not your queen cuz you are just the joker

Kindred spirits, they intertwine
Made together from the same design
When they were born the stars aligned
To bring them together after time
They followed their hearts and they found
That their favorite place was underground
Too dark to travel their hearts lit the way
They ruled by night and slept by day
They dug and twisted fate itself
So they may see the other version of themselves

Like a rock I crumble under the erosion of obstacles insane
Like the sun I burst into my own foreshadow’s flames
Like the wind I feel every tentacle of love’s sting in vain
Like the trees I stand absolute through my epiphanies and pain

They scream of my tragedies
Conceal my strategies  
They captivate and seem to say
Look for too long you'll be swept away

Happiness is an elusive thing
Kind of like an invisible string
You try your best to hold on
But life likes to test how strong
Promise of better things ahead
All an illusion, this single thread

Sunrise sunset
Don't drown urself in so much regret
The hours pass the days fly by
Your waiting on yourself to die
Breathe in breathe out
Don't burden urself with so much doubt
Searching for someone you wish you knew
Time is an obstacle don't let it deceive you
Look up not down
You got to keep swimming or you'll drown
The search is over the suspense is lost
Ur life is fleeting we all pay the cost
Good morning good night
Don't perish before you give up the fight
Darkness doesnt always suppress the light

Note to self: Sometimes a paper cut can penetrate the deepest of all

I’ll give you everything if I think you’re the one
But once I am through with you I promise I’m done

Shortfall or an avalanche
Never even stood a chance
Kismet or just happenstance
Left me screaming **** romance

You can’t control the future, can’t control the past
Let go and everything will come to you at last
Learn when you should bend and when you can break
But never try to braid the threads of fate

I take pictures of clouds I make wishes on trees I appreciate honey, the hard work of the bees
I smile at the sun and I embrace the rain that trickles down in patterns on window panes
I laugh with the birds I gaze at the stars and wonder if they know what life exists on Mars
I admire the universe and all of her wonders
She only creates masterpieces, never a blunder

My heart barely beats saturated in gas, cast in fire from the pain
You evoked the burn yet crawl slow to extinguish the black flame
My eyes sting like swarming hornets producing salty, infinite tears
My back aches from bending over your bruised ego intolerant of the years
My ears ring from the irony of your malicious mouth not uttering a sound
I floated undetected like pollen til U buried me alive 6 ft into the ground
Heart suspended no longer beating, i can no longer claim I'm sane
Only time can freeze the heavy flow like water seeping down the drain

She lets boys try to read her mind
They see it deep behind her eyes
Dark orbs full of such mystery
Yet you'll never know their history

Go find your soulmate
And not your twin flame
One will give you love
One mirrors your pain

So if your soul ever feels alone
Carve me out and build a home

Someday I’ll be just ashes & a memory

I was not born to make you happy. my mouth was not created to form fake smiles, my brain was not formatted with a polygraph to distinguish your lies from truth, nor were my feet designed to tiptoe on eggshells around you, but hopefully my ******* should convey that my heart is no longer beating for you.

The only time I've really felt alive
Is with smoke in my lungs, going 99
Trying my best to get this heart to revive
Doing the minimum it takes to survive
Wind in my hair, pedal under my feet
Music so high, I'll float out of my seat
Playing all the sad songs again on repeat
Learning how to accept my hearts worst defeat

More certain than death and taxes
You spun me right off of my axis
Congratulations, that's the fastest
My heart has ever been reduced to ashes

I looked at it from every angle
I analyzed it for years
I came out of the derealization
I drowned in the postponed tears

You hate it when you feel too deep
You hate when it consumes you
But every time you retreat
Is when I always lose you

Anyone can marry their high school sweetheart. Don't try to sell me on your watered down version of a fairy tale. Like it's some sort of an accomplishment, locking yourself in a dark room and pretending there isn't an entire world out there. That's like painting with only one color the rest of your life. I want to experience first hand every aspect the rainbow has to offer. I want to know how red and yellow make me feel. I want to try green on for a summer. I want to be absolutely sure that orange isn't for me. I want to find just the right version of blue. I'll spend the rest of my life searching the depths of the earth for deep violet if it means I'll never settle for the first color I tried on. By the time you realize you're over red, I'll be well on my way to indigo horizons.

You played every bit the part of preacher
Hope you burn for your lies callous creature
Nailed yourself to the cross, here's your crown of thorns
You know what they say about women scorned
I wish I never tried to keep you alive
cuz you were right - you're dead inside

Pretty bird pretty bird
Locked inside your cage
Filled with hope and wonder
Despite your advancing age
Pretty bird pretty bird
Suppressing all your rage
I hope you find your own way home
Despite your broken gauge

My face is a mask it only disguises the soul inside me that never provided
enough interest to provoke your eyes, your void & hollow compromises
you pretended to be all my desires choking on smoke to extinguish the fire u ignited, u decided, to let that transpire with no remorse, you took your course, left the door open wide
I hope you keep ur improvises on a shorter leash next time or you won't make it out alive

One day I will tell my brown eyed little girl
"The world is your oyster and you are it's pearl"

How barren a stranger has made me feel
Like everything I touch isn't for real
How I can't even sleep or take a meal
Filled with regret signing the devils deal

My heart betrays me, it prefers you still
Like the cat lusts the bird from the windowsill

Boys fall in love with me for the words I spew
If you read a hundred books you might pick up a few
Made me feel self conscious about the way I talked
and wonder if my hips swayed enough when I walked
wished they'd appreciate me for the stuff inside
Cuz when it comes down to it I'd rather die
Then bare my soul to someone I barely knew
I don't rest my head at night because of you
You crawled inside of me, we traded brains
Your voice echoes on repeat, slowly drives me insane
All the others only admired the shell
when you left it cut deep, I still wish you well
Blocked numbers so you don't pick up the call
You were my best mistake, no love lost at all
If only suicides were reversible....
Cuz then at least you'd love me at my funeral

I burned what's left of u and let it go
extinguish the hate so it won't grow
Fire hydrants couldn't drown the memories
Painful reminder of sleeping with the enemy
Retrieve my soul so I may sleep sound
You can't leave your heart in the lost & found

Your insecurities will swallow you whole
Crack open your brain, pour out your soul
Speak with all your hearts desires
They ebb they flow, they'll soon inspire
I'll coax them out of you, one by one
Aim your bullets at me, put down that gun
Whisper slowly to me ur sacred secrets
I'll cherish them all, my verbal trinkets
I'll hang them in the back row of my mind
Lock them away where no one can find
Over their heads and into my hands
God laughs at us while we make plans
On deaf ears they'll no longer fall
Your ammunition is the art on my walls
Let them fester in me, don't u worry no more
You'll sleep better now than ever before
Rest ur head the Devil is around the corner
I'm never the martyr, always the mourner

I am alone in my own world, really
You are a foreigner you cannot feel me
The atmospheres venom it can **** so easy
Will cloud ur emotions, make you feel weezy
Open your brain & invite me in, stay with me now
I'll give you plenty of oxygen that's all I'll allow
No secrets in here lt does not appease me
So lay down your heart but please do not fear the uneasy