I only ever wanted to be the better half of you
Until I realized it was never my place to complete you

Everybody don't love you
Majority don't even like you
So stop mistaking him ******* you
As a desire to wife you
He jokes about you
While you choke up on tears
He only wants you to choke on one thing
& it isn't the memories over these years
Let it go flower child..
You picked your petals long ago
The only thing left to be seen
Is do dying flowers regrow?

There was nothing more permanent
Than the sound of the door
Closing behind him
The day he walked out
It wasn't even actual door
That's how dramatic his exit was
That's how devastating a loss it was
I had to make a cartoon of it
So as to not be heartbroken
But the actual end
Well that was kind of romantic
Like something you catch on a Friday
On a wide screen
Rain & tears
Questions ringing
Like what am I suppose to do?
I'm crying
But my ****** composure is perfect
I'm screaming
But he's right in front me
But I still doubt he's hearing me
He can't face the disgrace
Of his actions
That he could leave something once so beautiful
So broken
So here comes that movie made exit..
Exhaustion
Of fighting over the same things
Of laughter met with anger
The discommunication between us..
It was time that someone exited


So he did.

He kissed me
& it was as if my heart quit
Bc I knew then
Life couldn't go on
Without him

I haven't experienced true love, but I'm a fluent speaker of the tainted.
The kind of love where no matter what they throw at you you're still there because you have no place else to be.
The kind that my daddy taught me.
That if you love a woman then you harm her and her children.
See, I've never experienced true love,
And because I was raised in a home without it, I'm at a loss of how to find it.
I don't know how to go about finding the love I want: the kind of love where we can just talk about nothing for hours.
But I certainly know how to attract the poisoned love that my father injected into my veins.
I know how to find the abusers.
The detached.
The lonely.
And no matter what I say I can't fix them.
And I don't want to anymore
Because I'm standing in my meadow waiting for a prince who probably won't come,
Or rather,
I'm waiting on the peasent to prove to me I don't need the knight or the prince at all
Just that I need to drain the toxins from my mind and heart and find it in me to love the one who offers me nothing
But yet brings me everything,
In return for one thing:
Me

I'm so busy settling
That I missed the chance
To explore
This land I've been told of
Something called freedom to love

Everyone hopped on the boat
Eager to make their way
Away from settling ways
I couldn't help but wonder why I was settling..
Breaking ground for a man
Who wouldn't even plant the seed

My body lay dormant
As he proceeds
To settle on top of mine
I was settling again..
Why am I settling?

I asked him if I could make way
To extended parts of this ground
I had broke, solely myself
He said no
Continue to work as you have been
We're not finished
But where was the he in we?
It's all been me..

I settled again today
The news of expectance has been given to me
But not us
He said it is neither the time nor the place
Get rid of it
I settled for his theory..
Maybe he was right
So I settled to give up motherhood

I settled today
I was lain comfortably in this satin lined coffin
I Settled comfortably in the ground
I settled in this darkness
Because even after life
Death is matter of settling

I shiver
Your touch no longer warms my soul
It's more comparable to the winter of '14
When even looking out the windows
Made you familiar with the ice outside
                     I hate
The fact I no longer feel safe
I can't confide my secrets in you
I can't even say I love you
Because that gives you a power
You'll most likely abuse
                      I blame
Your absent mother for your lack of love
I came into your life
And you expected me to save you
But I couldn't even save myself..
                      I apologize
That even though your to blame
I was always too timid to stand
Against your rigid ways
So maybe it's my fault

Maybe I just didn't love hard enough.