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max Nov 2021
i’m numb,
no i’m not sad, not happy
maybe i’m fine

but i’m numb

when you give them your all
and you often don’t get it back
it leaves you empty

no.

it leaves you numb
old write but sharing it and writing is how i’m choosing to cope
1.2k · Jan 2022
mistakes happen
max Jan 2022
we’re kids
we don’t know what
the hell we’re doing
all we know is
it felt good,
then it really
hurt
1.0k · Jan 2022
hey stranger
max Jan 2022
don’t be a stranger.

last night,
i reached out
to a few old friends,
forgotten family,
to make amends,
id gladly do it again;
it was nice
to push away my pride,
burn some bridges,
let go of grudges

hey stranger,
don’t be a stranger
smile like a friend
no point in constantly being angry, let go and vibe :) it’s nice out tonight and the air feels just right
max Dec 2021
aching bone
chilling thrones
sit with me
i’ll be home
warm and loved
taken care of
let’s escape
build a cabin in the woods
with our minds
this time it’s strong
i can feel it
let me be your medicine
it’s a high dose
try not to overdose
into comatose

you’ll be okay
it’s just a sick,
sick day
829 · Nov 2021
it happens
max Nov 2021
i didn’t mean to fall in love
but i did
and you didn’t mean to hurt
but you did
776 · Mar 2022
i’m yours
max Mar 2022
Well, open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and, ****, you're free
And look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love
729 · Nov 2021
i’m sorry
max Nov 2021
pushing away the ones you love
knowing that they’ll hate you
but you do it cause it’s easier
on them when you leave

leave from the world
leave from the atmosphere

i’ll sore through the cosmos
become a star
i won’t wander too far
i’ll meet you at mars
707 · Nov 2021
“i love you”
max Nov 2021
you don’t know me
don’t do that
643 · Aug 2022
visiting
max Aug 2022
hey,
im getting better
graveyard
max Mar 2022
I thought I was so poetic

I shrug now, but I though I was revolutionary,
so quirky-
Beware the Ides of March,
I had just read Julius Caesar for the first time,
Beware the Ides of March,
that little kid, me, he was so creative,
so caring, so funny,
so
sad
oh, little me was very sad,
only a year apart from now, yet still
little me, I thought I was so different
I thought I would make a change, last year, today
March 5,
I’d warn people beforehand as well but,
honestly, it was a code for “help me,”
I’d say “beware the ides of march” jokingly,
only-
I wasn’t joking I meant it
I said it again, I would say
Beware the Ides of March
keep in mind, wow, what a sad kid
I would say it again,

jokingly.

The first day, March first,
day 1, first day of march
I met realization;
I’d often stop throughout my day, in shock
fear
hesitation
March 2nd,
oh,
this is the month
March 3rd comes fast
I sit
I sit in my room and look around,
this is the week, I thought to myself,
I kept moving
March 4th
I was quiet,
at first,
then remembered, tomorrow
March 5th
I had to be happy I had to be loud,
today was the day after all,
I would be remembered
I would be loved
things would be okay
after today,
like a sacrifice.
I treated life like a sacrifice,
why?

March 5th,
Beware the Ides of March,
Today,
One year

Beware the Ides of March;
today a year ago I wrote my suicide note,
from a year ago to today, i will have been standing here,
alive,
I survived
I didn’t follow through with it,
no, it wasn’t fear that stopped me,
it wasn’t lack of commitment,

Something just didn’t let me go that day
and I looked up
I stood up
I kept going

I didn’t have a single suicidal thought today
A year ago today, I tried to **** myself
but today,
Today I am okay
I’m thankful i kept going
518 · Feb 2022
to be aware
max Feb 2022
This is one for the standing trees
Staying put so that life can breathe, but
When we take more than what we need,
it isn’t fair

We are here we are alive
On this earth,
Made to do more than survive
It’s our turn
462 · Jan 2021
mars
max Jan 2021
if you happen to fall,
follow the stars,
i'll be there too,
i'll meet you at mars
#r
453 · Jan 2022
and even then,
max Jan 2022
in the end
no matter how i look at it
i lost it all to the fall
max Oct 2021
you don’t think i know
what you’ve done?
be paranoid.

the walls have eyes
and i know
435 · Jan 2022
i’m still here
max Jan 2022
i’m  still here
if you still want me love
please know,
head quietly resting on my wall
max Apr 2022
i can’t explain
i’m on a different plane
i’m not the same

i’m so much better
head strong
no matter the weather
now i don’t care
not maliciously
i simply do not care
for anyone
and it’s nice

coming out of my shell,
smiling and free
my only goal
is to make everyone smile
that’s including me
because now, i’m finally somebody
i always have been
i’ve always deserved to be happy
but when its foggy
it’s kind of hard to see
max Apr 2022
you can’t hate someone for loving themselves just because you don’t
you’re insecure
and i am not
not anymore
go ahead, hate
but the love you want
will never reciprocate
get on your knees
and cry
do the shadow work
learn to fly
a bird has to learn when getting thrown
from the trees
otherwise it will die
you will not get carried by the breeze
i’m here because i worked
i’m here because i tried
i love the world with pride
if you love the universe
the universe herself will provide
381 · Dec 2021
Untitled
max Dec 2021
as long as you rest in my arms
i’ve got you
rest
close your eyes
listen to the wind
the howling skies
just a bad day
tomorrow is new
we’ve made it this far, right?

i’ve got you
350 · Jan 2022
nothing matters
max Jan 2022
i woke up and thought
i’m still tired
why am i so tired

i’m tired of being sad
so much
all the time

so now i’m not sad
i’m not
anything.
don’t confuse nirvana with being numb
350 · Apr 2022
wasted away
max Apr 2022
cant pretend that i was perfect,
leavin you in fear
got ******* expelled for standing up for lgbt rights lol *******
342 · Jan 2022
the silence is deafening
max Jan 2022
i feel you inching closer
right around the corner
right in front of each other
yet,
silent
we’re silent
watching and waiting
we’re silent
static
minds rushing
hearts pounding yet–
silent
i don’t know what to do
323 · May 2022
at least not at first
max May 2022
i didn’t deserve
all of the mean things
you said to me
but neither did you to be honest
314 · Nov 2021
hazy memories
max Nov 2021
it’s all a blur
what we had
i can’t remember
302 · Jun 2022
need you now
max Jun 2022
but i don’t know you yet
graveyard
300 · May 2022
losing my mind
max May 2022
you made me hate me
cause you hated yourself
my mommy issues are acting up and it shows
how tf did i get so suicidal again jesus ******* christ
max Dec 2021
i’m sorry for what i said when i was hurt
when i’m alone my heart breaks all over again
297 · Jan 2022
mi amor
max Jan 2022
you’re the most beautiful boy in the cosmos
goodnight midnight skies
no good byes
soft thighs, sweaty palms,
see through lies
i see you, you can’t hide
you’re beautiful darling
no need for disguise
i know who you are
and every bit of it
i adore
297 · Aug 2022
mr. wrong doer
max Aug 2022
egotistical
i’ve been called that more than once
i don’t know how to change but
know that i’m trying
i try to better myself
everyday
i try to make a change
make new friends
i try to make a mark
start a legacy
maybe it is selfish
why do we have so many rules
my morals
are eating me
alive

be selfish and win
be selfless and lose
be selfish and make a difference
be selfless and stay quiet

i don’t know what im doing
and i know none of you do
i just wish these guides would tell me
how the hell to pull through
Graveyard
297 · Feb 2022
keep going
max Feb 2022
i grab my only friend
he leaves a lot
his name is hope
290 · Jan 2022
Untitled
max Jan 2022
you can change what you do
        you can’t change what you want
287 · May 2022
im a mess
max May 2022
Did everything I could, then I kept going
max Feb 2022
We had run around
In the summer in the nighttime
We made no sound
And deep in the forest we get lost
Whistle to the Birds as they call
Go on Trips
Moving with weather as it shifts
We took to the seas and let it drift
How many islands could we hear?

I´d follow you
To the end of the world if only you would ask me to
On and on we go, my friend
I’ve got you
Nothing to stop us now
Because we found in life what´s true
Oh my friend i can’t stress enough  
I´d follow you

if only you would ask me to
you could have asked why we fell apart you could have told me that you fell apart
but you walked past me like i wasn’t there
276 · Dec 2021
today i woke up
max Dec 2021
i realized i am loved
and im being selfish
being selfish comes in so many different forms
im tired of dwelling
there’s light behind these black out curtains
today i realized that all i have to do is push the curtains aside and let in the warmth and light
no more sobbing in a cold black out box
there’s so much more to life
266 · Nov 2021
you’re bleeding
max Nov 2021
i tried allowing you to
hold my broken heart
but you only got stabbed by shards
i’m not done hurting
i’m not finished healing
maybe i’m better off dead
if i was then maybe it’d finally be enough
265 · Mar 2022
i mean, isn’t it?
max Mar 2022
isn’t it time to move on?
it is
and i have
but moving on
i’ve found better things
that doesn’t mean to hate you, though

i moved on
but that doesn’t mean i let go
of everything
it just makes everything hurt
much less
i’m happy
i’ve moved on
because yeah
it was time to move on
but
i still care about you
and i always will
i don’t see you anymore nor do i know who you are but this poem still stands, i still semi care
249 · May 2022
Untitled
max May 2022
baby, you will find someone
the right one, someday
but for now, take this time as a gift
242 · Mar 2021
Oh Ana
max Mar 2021
Pretty boys are thin
So I'll ignore my growling stomach
Only seeing it as a sign of it working
I'm shrinking
A little worried for the 15th. I might be alone then, out of all of the days I could be alone
max May 2022
****
im sorry
i didn’t mean to be a ****
i’ll get over it

every time i let someone in
they let me down,
so forgive me
if it takes a minute

i know you love me
i know you care
i didn’t mean for those words
to come out like that

i know you won’t hurt me
it’s just hard
letting you in
what if i hurt you?
you’re delicate

i know you won’t hurt me
i’ve put up walls to prevent that
but what if i’m doing that,
i hurt you?

i don’t mean to
it just takes time
getting used to you
max Jan 2022
The Moon is beautiful
only when the mind is seeking
beauty and the heart is loving.
Stay wild, moon child.
The wisdom of the Moon
is greater than
the wisdom of the Earth
because the Moon sees the universe
better than the Earth can see it.
There is something haunting
in the light of the Moon.
203 · Nov 2021
depression
max Nov 2021
transgression
distress, digress
repress then compress
now breathe
200 · Jan 2022
river flow
max Jan 2022
Alfredo sauce
chicken bean soup
hey man , you’re right 🤷🏻‍♂️
197 · May 2022
lyrical genius
max May 2022
I miss the *** where you kiss whenever you through
Sixty-nine is the only dinner for two
I was wrong, but would you have listened to you?
Uh, you were crazy
I got a heart, but the art of choking's
Only thing girls want when you in that smoke and light
195 · May 2022
karmic
max May 2022
i used to think you were a twin flame
silly isn’t it
you’re a karmic
i can’t do that again
the cycle can’t repeat
it’s gotta change
i can’t come back
you’re not my twin flame
195 · Nov 2021
counted out, left for dead
max Nov 2021
when i go

into the ground

i won’t go quietly

i’m bringing my crown
my mindset has been goofy lately
192 · Jun 2022
Reminiscing
max Jun 2022
give me some kind of proof
that you were real
that we really happened
it feels so long ago
it was
it feels like you’re dead
you’ve died
you’re missing
i often wonder
where the **** did you go
then i remember
you’re gone
you might wonder why i grieved so hard
the last i had spoke to you
there was a chance you’d die
alone
in that dumb ******* car
in that dumb ******* park
alone
i didn’t want that
after the call
it had felt like you had died
that’s why i grieved so hard
seeing you now
feels like i’m seeing a ghost

are you?
give me some kind of proof
that you were real
grave yard
max Jul 2022
maybe that’s why i
always come back
i recall the good things
when i think about you
despite all the bad
crazy shît that happened
graveyard
max May 2022
just breathe
take a hit
****
sleep on it
my chest is on fire
max Dec 2021
this is killing me
but i want to die anyway right
i’m fueled and i feed off of your energy
you might not have died that night
but baby i swear you’re dead to me
but please come back
but stay the hell away
but look into my eyes
just for a moment
then quickly look
away

maybe we’re meant to be
alone.
i’m gonna ruin **** cause i can’t heal from your stab wounds
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