i wish i never got hurt
but i did
i can’t trust anyone again

i didn’t realize
i was getting so bad
if you lose me,
if any of you do,
just know i tried
i tried so hard
to stay alive
for all of you
i loved so hard
i fell apart

i’m sorry for what i said when i was hurt

“dude are you good??”
*******
no

i didn’t deserve
all of the mean things
you said to me

staying up past midnight
scrolling through the dim light,
reading, god,
i remember why i loved you,
not just that i did, but why,
you say barely a friend,
go back and read it then

there was so much love
and passion,
my throat gets sore thinking about it,
everytime i read it,
my light becomes less dim,
my lungs expand, heartbeat quickens,
a smile on my face yet tears in my eyes,
i can’t believe
i forgot how in love with you i–
am

i lost myself in the fall
mind frantic,
what was i trying to accomplish exactly?
acting so heroic, knowing no one is perfect,
why did i have such a low limit
why did i care so much
i’m all, “learn and acknowledge then move on” but where was that then?

selfishness results in losing close friends
word of advice,
ride out the times,
make light,
stop trying to extinguish other’s,
there’s no reason for fights,
vibe and have a good time,
word of advice; just live your ******* life

I thought I was so poetic

I shrug now, but I though I was revolutionary,
so quirky-
Beware the Ides of March,
I had just read Julius Caesar for the first time,
Beware the Ides of March,
that little kid, me, he was so creative,
so caring, so funny,
so
sad
oh, little me was very sad,
only a year apart from now, yet still
little me, I thought I was so different
I thought I would make a change, last year, today
March 5,
I’d warn people beforehand as well but,
honestly, it was a code for “help me,”
I’d say “beware the ides of march” jokingly,
only-
I wasn’t joking I meant it
I said it again, I would say
Beware the Ides of March
keep in mind, wow, what a sad kid
I would say it again,

jokingly.

The first day, March first,
day 1, first day of march
I met realization;
I’d often stop throughout my day, in shock
fear
hesitation
March 2nd,
oh,
this is the month
March 3rd comes fast
I sit
I sit in my room and look around,
this is the week, I thought to myself,
I kept moving
March 4th
I was quiet,
at first,
then remembered, tomorrow
March 5th
I had to be happy I had to be loud,
today was the day after all,
I would be remembered
I would be loved
things would be okay
after today,
like a sacrifice.
I treated life like a sacrifice,
why?

March 5th,
Beware the Ides of March,
Today,
One year

Beware the Ides of March;
today a year ago I wrote my suicide note,
from a year ago to today, i will have been standing here,
alive,
I survived
I didn’t follow through with it,
no, it wasn’t fear that stopped me,
it wasn’t lack of commitment,

Something just didn’t let me go that day
and I looked up
I stood up
I kept going

I didn’t have a single suicidal thought today
A year ago today, I tried to **** myself
but today,
Today I am okay

I wanna get better
While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love,
the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars,

Hey, I wanna get better!

im struggling,
silently
honestly, it’s alright
cause i got me
and me is all i need,
i’ll get through it,
eventually

i always do,
i always have,
i know the universe
has my back,
but that doesn’t mean
im not struggling
cause i am,
just silently

but i don’t need help,
as long as i can see
that i got me,
i’ll be alright,
i just gotta believe

keep believing
even while my heart is weak,
and i can’t feel my chest beat,
and there’s a lump in my throat,
and my eyes get heavy,

i’ll make it through
even if im struggling
as long as i keep silent
and don’t forget me

Where will I go,
Who will I be,
when the knowledge that I've thrown
lands on me?
I used to fear the words of the priest,
Til i found out he's just a man like me,
And all the wrongs I've done
They got me on the run

And it's what you do
That comes back to you

What will I find,
Who will I meet,
knows that hate get their hands on me
Is there a line that I have crossed?
What do I gain, for all that i've lost
Comes back to you

She said I'm looking like a bad man, smooth criminal
She said my spirit doesn't move like it did before
She said that I don't look like me no more, no more
I said I'm just tired
She said: you're just high

Lover come hold me
Heads on the fritz
Gaudy intoxicated feelings comfortably mixed
Lover come hold me, could you forget

Sweating all your sins out
Putting all your thoughts back together
Oh, we just don't blend now
All of my attempts seem to weather
Oh, I make you cringe now
Don't I make you cringe?

Pushing past the limits,
tripping on hallucinogenics,
I just couldn’t open up
I’m always shifting
I crawled back to the life
I said I wouldn’t live in,
Through and through
I’ve come undone

i have absolutely
no emotional attachment
to you
lol

once you fall apart
you’ll love each other so much
you hate the thought of their touch
but it’s so warm and nice
until you catch fire
don’t do love spells
it’s not really what you desire
you can’t run away
no matter how much you try
to the point where you’ll give up

“go ahead. **** up my life”

i’m numb,
no i’m not sad, not happy
maybe i’m fine

but i’m numb

when you give them your all
and you often don’t get it back
it leaves you empty

no.

it leaves you numb

just breathe
take a hit
****
sleep on it

how the hell did we get so far apart

i miss him
i miss you

i don’t know what to do

Forever isn't for everyone
Is forever for you?
It sounds like settling down -
or giving' up?
But it don't sound much like you,
I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby
Snap out of it
I get the feelin' I left it too late, but baby
Snap out of it
I'll be here waitin' ever so patiently
For you to snap out of it

it’s all a blur
what we had
i can’t remember

please help

they’ll never take us alive

i don’t care if you’re contagious
let me hold your hand
i don’t care if your sick
you’re beautiful to me
let’s both lie bedridden
together
they’ll never take us alive
i’d rather die

We had run around
In the summer in the nighttime
We made no sound
And deep in the forest we get lost
Whistle to the Birds as they call
Go on Trips
Moving with weather as it shifts
We took to the seas and let it drift
How many islands could we hear?

I´d follow you
To the end of the world if only you would ask me to
On and on we go, my friend
I’ve got you
Nothing to stop us now
Because we found in life what´s true
Oh my friend i can’t stress enough  
I´d follow you

if only you would ask me to

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad
It's always one step forward and three steps back
Do you love me, want me, hate me?

i’m gonna be honest
i hate you
genuinely
the pieces finally clicked
i do not like you as a person.
how did you become my first love?
i never want to feel your warmth anywhere near me and as of right now i sure as hell don’t long for it.
i pity you honestly.
i can’t wait for when you read this, cause this is the last one dedicated to you
you
specifically
this isn’t goodbye
no
cause you don’t even deserve that
but this is a promise to myself
to never fall back into your hands

i thought it was real

because the sight of you
it makes me want to scream

i’d douse myself in gasoline
ignite into flames
if it would mean

i’d see you reach out
once more
and help me

my love
i thought it was real

but it was just too good to be true
i’m over it
but my stomach fills with
stones
and rocks
and pebbles

i want to *****
and bleed out
at the sight of you

because you lied to me