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max Dec 2021
i wish i never got hurt
but i did
i can’t trust anyone again
max Feb 2022
Running feet
Sound of seas
Trouble me
I give into weariness
Half asleep
Until I can wake me up

Tell me that I'm ok
From the haze
Dripping in reflection

Suddenly you are here with me
Sweet and safe
Nothing else will matter anymore

I see my body yet im
Im floating way above
Hold in hysteria
max Dec 2021
i didn’t realize
i was getting so bad
if you lose me,
if any of you do,
just know i tried
i tried so hard
to stay alive
for all of you
i loved so hard
i fell apart
max Dec 2021
i’m sorry for what i said when i was hurt
when i’m alone my heart breaks all over again
max Jan 2022
in the end
no matter how i look at it
i lost it all to the fall
max Nov 2021
“dude are you good??”
i haven’t blinked since that scene
max May 2022
i didn’t deserve
all of the mean things
you said to me
but neither did you to be honest
max Feb 2022
staying up past midnight
scrolling through the dim light,
reading, god,
i remember why i loved you,
not just that i did, but why,
you say barely a friend,
go back and read it then

there was so much love
and passion,
my throat gets sore thinking about it,
everytime i read it,
my light becomes less dim,
my lungs expand, heartbeat quickens,
a smile on my face yet tears in my eyes,
i can’t believe
i forgot how in love with you i–

i lost myself in the fall
mind frantic,
what was i trying to accomplish exactly?
acting so heroic, knowing no one is perfect,
why did i have such a low limit
why did i care so much
i’m all, “learn and acknowledge then move on” but where was that then?

selfishness results in losing close friends
word of advice,
ride out the times,
make light,
stop trying to extinguish other’s,
there’s no reason for fights,
vibe and have a good time,
word of advice; just live your ******* life
yeah i learned, but where was that then?
i don’t even know where to begin
i’m afraid what you’ll say cause i’m quiet now, but silence gives you space
max Jan 2022
With every beautiful new sight
I see that perfect golden light
Against your eyes
Tried to hold it up
Try to live it up
Seal it with your touch
Everything at once
You only get what you put into this life
So how could anybody be living in a bad dream

when you got this open road
And the sun is shining
How could anybody be living in a bad dream
with the top down drivin' slow
All the love that
I know
How could anybody be living in a bad dream
max Mar 2022
I thought I was so poetic

I shrug now, but I though I was revolutionary,
so quirky-
Beware the Ides of March,
I had just read Julius Caesar for the first time,
Beware the Ides of March,
that little kid, me, he was so creative,
so caring, so funny,
oh, little me was very sad,
only a year apart from now, yet still
little me, I thought I was so different
I thought I would make a change, last year, today
March 5,
I’d warn people beforehand as well but,
honestly, it was a code for “help me,”
I’d say “beware the ides of march” jokingly,
I wasn’t joking I meant it
I said it again, I would say
Beware the Ides of March
keep in mind, wow, what a sad kid
I would say it again,


The first day, March first,
day 1, first day of march
I met realization;
I’d often stop throughout my day, in shock
March 2nd,
this is the month
March 3rd comes fast
I sit
I sit in my room and look around,
this is the week, I thought to myself,
I kept moving
March 4th
I was quiet,
at first,
then remembered, tomorrow
March 5th
I had to be happy I had to be loud,
today was the day after all,
I would be remembered
I would be loved
things would be okay
after today,
like a sacrifice.
I treated life like a sacrifice,

March 5th,
Beware the Ides of March,
One year

Beware the Ides of March;
today a year ago I wrote my suicide note,
from a year ago to today, i will have been standing here,
I survived
I didn’t follow through with it,
no, it wasn’t fear that stopped me,
it wasn’t lack of commitment,

Something just didn’t let me go that day
and I looked up
I stood up
I kept going

I didn’t have a single suicidal thought today
A year ago today, I tried to **** myself
but today,
Today I am okay
I’m thankful i kept going
max Mar 2022
I wanna get better
While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love,
the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars,

Hey, I wanna get better!
i was broken til i wanted to change
max Nov 2021
after all this time
i really am still into you
max May 2022
im struggling,
honestly, it’s alright
cause i got me
and me is all i need,
i’ll get through it,

i always do,
i always have,
i know the universe
has my back,
but that doesn’t mean
im not struggling
cause i am,
just silently

but i don’t need help,
as long as i can see
that i got me,
i’ll be alright,
i just gotta believe

keep believing
even while my heart is weak,
and i can’t feel my chest beat,
and there’s a lump in my throat,
and my eyes get heavy,

i’ll make it through
even if im struggling
as long as i keep silent
and don’t forget me
max Feb 2022
Where will I go,
Who will I be,
when the knowledge that I've thrown
lands on me?
I used to fear the words of the priest,
Til i found out he's just a man like me,
And all the wrongs I've done
They got me on the run

And it's what you do
That comes back to you

What will I find,
Who will I meet,
knows that hate get their hands on me
Is there a line that I have crossed?
What do I gain, for all that i've lost
Comes back to you
max Nov 2021
when i go

into the ground

i won’t go quietly

i’m bringing my crown
my mindset has been goofy lately
max Jan 2022
She said I'm looking like a bad man, smooth criminal
She said my spirit doesn't move like it did before
She said that I don't look like me no more, no more
I said I'm just tired
She said: you're just high

Lover come hold me
Heads on the fritz
Gaudy intoxicated feelings comfortably mixed
Lover come hold me, could you forget

Sweating all your sins out
Putting all your thoughts back together
Oh, we just don't blend now
All of my attempts seem to weather
Oh, I make you cringe now
Don't I make you cringe?

Pushing past the limits,
tripping on hallucinogenics,
I just couldn’t open up
I’m always shifting
I crawled back to the life
I said I wouldn’t live in,
Through and through
I’ve come undone
lyrics ripped apart into my own little story
max May 2022
i have absolutely
no emotional attachment
to you
max Nov 2021
distress, digress
repress then compress
now breathe
max Dec 2021
once you fall apart
you’ll love each other so much
you hate the thought of their touch
but it’s so warm and nice
until you catch fire
don’t do love spells
it’s not really what you desire
you can’t run away
no matter how much you try
to the point where you’ll give up

“go ahead. **** up my life”
hey man maybe one day but we gotta move and grow and heal cause we’re so cut up and ******
maybe one day but not anytime soon
get better, until then i’ll be talking to the moon
max Nov 2021
i’m numb,
no i’m not sad, not happy
maybe i’m fine

but i’m numb

when you give them your all
and you often don’t get it back
it leaves you empty


it leaves you numb
old write but sharing it and writing is how i’m choosing to cope
max May 2022
just breathe
take a hit
sleep on it
my chest is on fire
max Jan 2022
searching for that feeling
just like an
“i love you”

come over
i’m over it
max Apr 2022
how the hell did we get so far apart
max Oct 2021
i miss him
i miss you

i don’t know what to do
what the **** is wrong with me
max Jun 2022

I’m done.
not maliciously–
I love you
I’m done.

We had fun,
we had a good run,
I love you
this chapter is over
the book is finished,
off to a new one

I love you,
we both won,
we’re still here,
even though we both
held guns

Have some fun,
I’m finally done
the end
i won’t be coming back to this account
it’s like a time capsule now
see you around
max Oct 2021
Why does it feel so alone here
in my own kingdom
a place I used to call home
I'm sitting in my throne
but the vines have overgrown
and the garden has taken over
this sad excuse for a home
this place is more of an empty dome
a prison that I live in
i can’t wait for the day i’m not alone
and i’m finally forgiven
max May 2022
“be gentle with yourself
as this moment passes through”

you are uniquely you
thank you
max Nov 2021
why can’t
body help
how can you see me
if when i look in the mirror
i can’t even see myself
i’m trying to get better  and learn how to take care of myself
just no one ever taught me how to survive
max May 2022
did you walk off to cry
cause no one cheered for you?
or cause you saw me flipping you off in the stands
you walked up and everyone was silent *****
im so glad im never gonna see you again pffft
max Nov 2021
i blame me
i know i shouldn’t
but i genuinely do
i blame me
and,yes, partly you
but the guilt
consumes me
for ruining us
and leaving you

what did i do
why did i do it
do i do anything
i ruined it all
what if it happens again
what if this time when i fall
i dont get back up at all
i guess i’m definitely happier now but man am i so ******* suicidal, i don’t regret anything but i can’t help but to beat myself for ruining everything as i do
max Feb 2022
Forever isn't for everyone
Is forever for you?
It sounds like settling down -
or giving' up?
But it don't sound much like you,
I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby
Snap out of it
I get the feelin' I left it too late, but baby
Snap out of it
I'll be here waitin' ever so patiently
For you to snap out of it
in the space between, arrow in your heart
max Nov 2021
it’s all a blur
what we had
i can’t remember
max Apr 2022
I’m not mad at you.

That’s who you are,
that’s your character.

Be that character,
but I don’t have to deal with it
max Jan 2021
please help
max Nov 2021
he is my balance
he is my sunlight
this dudes my glue
******* knight in shiny armor
i wouldn’t be here without you
who ******* knew
from the beginning it was clear to see
you’re my best friend
celebrate yule with me
anyway glad you’re my best friend or whatever i’m ******* SIKED for this weekend so enjoy the appreciation post
#r #yourmom
max Jan 2022
don’t be a stranger.

last night,
i reached out
to a few old friends,
forgotten family,
to make amends,
id gladly do it again;
it was nice
to push away my pride,
burn some bridges,
let go of grudges

hey stranger,
don’t be a stranger
smile like a friend
no point in constantly being angry, let go and vibe :) it’s nice out tonight and the air feels just right
max Apr 2022
if i kiss you in this moment
i’ll never be able to walk away
max Feb 2022
i have no thoughts
nothing good
nothing bad
subtle confusion sets in
my mind is an empty void
maybe not empty
but transparent
it’s all there
all the thoughts still fly by
but i can’t see them zoom
around my mind
typically fogged by the dust
they kick up
still it’s more of a violent wind
i can’t see anything
like a hurricane
slits down to my knees
so much for 2 months clean
max Jan 2022
you’re such
a ******

you’re no better than them,
only getting worse,
reel it back it
you said you let go, so



remember who you are, what you stand for
this isn’t the path that you planned for
you say you’re all about love
but just expressing hate
you say to relax
but all you do is debate,
be better, just do it
stop being sorry like that fixes it
you’re ****.

at this rate,
you’ll lose everybody
get out of your pity party
and stop being so cocky
be better.
max May 2022
That's why I'm backdooring you motherfuckas
All y'all can **** my ****
All them days at the county building
Now I'm 'bout to make my mama rich
Cartoons and
I ain't felt this
     good since
Scrooge McDuck,
     here we go
      hood ****
max May 2022
blood dripping
face bruised
i can’t stop thinking
about hurting you
i read that’s a normal thing to think through
it means you’re “human”
so why is it
i think about killing
more than three times this afternoon
note: not  Homocidal, this is an old suicidal poem i wrote a while ago and i like it it’s meant to be me talking to myself
max Dec 2021
they’ll never take us alive

i don’t care if you’re contagious
let me hold your hand
i don’t care if your sick
you’re beautiful to me
let’s both lie bedridden
they’ll never take us alive
i’d rather die
max Feb 2022
We had run around
In the summer in the nighttime
We made no sound
And deep in the forest we get lost
Whistle to the Birds as they call
Go on Trips
Moving with weather as it shifts
We took to the seas and let it drift
How many islands could we hear?

I´d follow you
To the end of the world if only you would ask me to
On and on we go, my friend
I’ve got you
Nothing to stop us now
Because we found in life what´s true
Oh my friend i can’t stress enough  
I´d follow you

if only you would ask me to
you could have asked why we fell apart you could have told me that you fell apart
but you walked past me like i wasn’t there
max Nov 2021
I'm the love of your life until I make you mad
It's always one step forward and three steps back
Do you love me, want me, hate me?
max Nov 2021
i’m gonna be honest
i hate you
the pieces finally clicked
i do not like you as a person.
how did you become my first love?
i never want to feel your warmth anywhere near me and as of right now i sure as hell don’t long for it.
i pity you honestly.
i can’t wait for when you read this, cause this is the last one dedicated to you
this isn’t goodbye
cause you don’t even deserve that
but this is a promise to myself
to never fall back into your hands
genuinely *******
all you do is use people ******* ******* fuckyou
i wish nothing but the best for you.
max Apr 2022
i’m happy
im happy for me
i hope it works out with her
in a genuine way
because i actually like her
not because it just seems like the right thing to do
like it was with him
or because she’s the only thing keeping me alive
like it was with you
but an actual genuine feel

being wanted is so much better
than being needed
max Nov 2021
i don’t blame me
this wasn’t my fault

and i didn’t deserve that
neither did you
max Oct 2021
i thought it was real

because the sight of you
it makes me want to scream

i’d douse myself in gasoline
ignite into flames
if it would mean

i’d see you reach out
once more
and help me

my love
i thought it was real

but it was just too good to be true
i’m over it
but my stomach fills with
and rocks
and pebbles

i want to *****
and bleed out
at the sight of you

because you lied to me
i think i’m over it but i still like this poem so imma post it
max Nov 2021
you don’t know me
don’t do that
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