lying under the fluorescent lights
wading in the white sheets
the lights faded in and out
it took everything in him to suppress the tears accumulating
even with the red liquid surfacing from every scorched part of his body
he couldnt let himself cry
because MEN dont cry
boys cry.

the last time he cried
he was too young to remember
except for what his father had done
when he saw the glistening drops rolling down his face
slammed him into the ground
and the sprained wrist he acquired
was his reminder everyday that
MEN dont cry
boys cry.

but he let that glorious shining tear roll down anyways
because maybe men cry too.

ebony colored skin and chocolate eyes
hair like spirals and coils dripping down
a face so sculpted it seemed crafted by the gods themselves
her hips spread and attached to a thin waist
and lipids gathered in thick bunches below them

she eyes her features in a mirror and grows in a sense of loss
an innaccurate feeling, but she gets it anyway
why?

when she was 5 years old she went to school
with her hair out of braids, curls voluted
she was ecstatic to share it with her friends
but, they just laughed and pointed
and her teacher scolded her
and tried to tame it down with vicious twists

when she was 11 years old she went to school excited
she was ecstatic to see the boy with ivory skin that she liked
but, he whispered about her
and a girl told her that he didnt like her
because she was too “black”

on her 17th birthday she gathered up all of her courage
and stood up for herself

when another girl with eggshell colored skin
told her that she was inferior
and belonged as a slave
and people told her to stop overreacting
and her teacher kicked her out for being violent

so she went home
let a stream of tears loose
and finally told herself that they were all right
she lost every shred of self worth

that’s why.

her mouth was sealed shut
and her eyes were leaking
she didnt let out a single word
from the outside everything seemed serene
tranquil, but sad
wrong.

her mouth was sealed shut
and her mind was on fire
she didnt let out a single word
from the inside the chaos was immeasurable
infinite, still sad
close.

her mouth was sealed shut
but her heart was beating a thousand miles a minute
the voice in her mind was projecting her insecurities back in her face
on the outside everyone knew she was better than this
but on the inside she felt she wasnt

so she let everyone glance at her placid face
and she let her mind battle itself inside of her skull
tranquil face and infinite chaos
correct.

i will sit alone
and i will stare at those stars
the ones that litter the night sky
like little shining blemishes

i will sit alone
and i will stare at the window
the one that separates me from a fatal plummet
like a guardian

i will sit alone
and i will stare at myself
the version of me that is filled with nothing
like a lifeless corpse, floating

i will sit alone
and i will stare at the people
the ones who roam freely, carelessly
like real, living people

i will sit alone

because no matter

how many people

surround me

i am always

i will always be

alone

im not a mess
everyone just happens to be holding a different piece of me