let me intensify the outside for you
to nullify the agony in your head
drink up, shoot up, snort it all
and i'll watch eagerly as your
pupils contract, veins constrict
as it sets in, and then
the concentration, oversaturation
of color and sensation, the distortion
of time and of your entire reality-
isn't this better than dreaming?

on stimulants, everything is wonderful
the bricks are beautiful until you hit them
the bruises are gorgeous until you remember the pain
and even then,
they're just colors blooming upon your skin

pause for a moment of clarity
retreat from waking reverie and rediscover
the mess you're in- an instant
almost-sober and everything rushes
back like a bullet train and
you just want to take that last-

stop
don't think like that
ignore the impulse
enjoy this while it lasts
squeeze every drop of euphoria from this
you'll be back down soon enough
you don't need to jump

sniffle a little now
didn't realize your nose was leaking
substance trying to escape
your voracious appetite
inhale violently, hope there's something left
-stop grinding your teeth
-you didn't even notice you were doing it,
did you
you weren't conscious of your surroundings
until you were knee-deep in this

i've created an addict of you now
as he did to me with that single monday,
that one high- he stopped, but i
couldn't
i was hooked and i don't blame him
he didn't know my history, my tendency
to find escape mechanisms and explore them
until it and i are both desecrated and desolate-

i just want to stop feeling for a while-
for as long as possible-

the future is irrelevant when you're out of your head
it was depressing in there anyways
responsibility doesn't exist when you're up in the clouds
it's only there when you come down,
so why come down at all?

my natural state
was lower than this grave.