Every time the Sun rises
and I open my eyes,
as I feel my soul
slowly pulled from slumber,
entering my body, I feel whole;
I remember.
How last night I escaped
reality to meet you.
I no longer feel trapped
when I get to see you.
How my dreams consists
of braving the guards
when they wanted to shoot. I resist
even though some parts
of me thought I wouldn't
make it. I had to see you,
truly I feel like I couldn't
go through life without you.
The winds were rough
and I nearly drowned in the sea
but I couldn't get enough
cause can't you see?
I'd do anything just to see you,
to be with you
because you're the boy of my dreams
and I'd do anything for you, it seems.

-m.b

Hello, I hope you're doing fine.
Sometimes I am,
sometimes not so much.
It has a latch
on me.
I'm still not completely free
from you.
There's nothing much I can do.
I'm still healing.
Through reading and writing.
Going back and forth
between old memories and scenes morphed
by my mind;
thinking what if you're still mine?
But that's just unnecessary, right?
Why do I hold on to you so tight
when we're the greatest being alone?
I guess I'm so used to calling you my home.
I'm getting better, really.
I just hope you are too, baby.

-m.b

I'll always write about you.
The love,
the heartbreaks;
different words,
same language.
I don't care
whether or not you deserve it.
Because my best writings
are always about you.

-m.b

I realised that my two closest friends are a lot like my past and present self.

Lana reminds me of when I was young. Smiling, kind, naive, a little confused and slowly learning the gift of growing up. Loud to new people.

Ray reminds me of who I am today. Wise, went through a lot, loves Indie music and reading poetry. Quiet to new people.

I see myself in both of them. However, I am still missing one person to be around with.

My future self.

I have yet to discover a friend that I can see my future self in.

I am not in a rush anyway.

-m.b

I live
  and breathe
    unrequited love.

It is not
  my choice
     because
I never ask to long
   for someone
      who doesn't want me.
or feel unattracted to him
  when he said
      he likes me.

It is truly
a vicious circle
   of unrequited
      love.

-m.b

I used to want someone to hold hands with,
Someone to be with,
Someone to hold
when it's cold,
Someone I can tell my darkest secrets to
And I could keep their secrets too.

But now I've grown afraid.
Is it really as amazing as what they said?
What about the pouring tears, the heartbreaks?
The time it takes
to move on when it doesn't work out?
The arguments and stinging insults you shout?

Perhaps it's better
for me to save myself. Here's a letter
that I would read many times
before I'd even think of committing crimes;
of falling for someone.
I'd rather be with no one.

-m.b

Hey
Ok
I know that you know that I can't say "I'm not good with words" because, let's be honest, that's basically the only thing I'm good at.
But what I'm not good at is you.
Or rather, how to use my words with you.
But I used to.
But now I just... I don't know.
Just like how I don't know what happened. How I don't know what I did wrong. How I don't know if I even did something wrong.
It just felt like... I don't actually have a great analogy to explain this but it felt ******.
Ok let me try this analogy.

It kinda felt like an Icarus moment.

Which is funny, given me name right now.
Let me explain.
You know how he died? How all he was doing was enjoying what he had. His freedom. How he never felt that freedom until then and then when he let himself experience it it ended up being his downfall. Literally.
That's what falling for you feels like. How it felt like.
I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't have fallen for you, but if things didn't turn out the way they did I'm pretty sure I could say I love you and not feel like I'm lying to myself about it.
I've never met anyone who fit so perfectly with me that it scared me at first.

It's always scary when you fly for the first time, right?

But when I did start falling for you it didn't feel like falling at all it feels like flying. It feels exhilarating and somehow taboo at first. How it feels like something so good should be something I shouldn't do.
But the more I knew you the more I flew. The more I soared high.
What I didn't know back then was that the more I flew, the more it'll hurt when I started falling.

Which I did.

When I needed you the most- no,
When I needed someone the most, you vanished.
Actually you didn't vanish. Which was worst.
It felt like you were there, constantly there, and yet you couldn't be to give me a single glance.

It physically felt like a punch in the heart.

But I guess that's my fault. Yeah. I know it's my fault. It's my fault for thinking you'll be there for me. It's my fault for expecting you'll do to me what I'll do for you.
I keep forgetting that when I confessed my feelings for you to you, you confessed your lack if feelings for me to me.

But this isn't what this whole thing was about.

This isn't a message for my past crush, nor is it for the one I'm pining on. It's a message for my best friend.
This message is for the one who I talked about living together with in London.
This message is for the one who showed me so much music that they knew I'll love
This message is for the one who told me that I loved rain just as much as they did.

This message is for you and this message is a hello or a goodbye, depending on you.