As a small child, the straps
that held me in my carseat
were the worst torture
imaginable. I remember straining
against them with all the might
in my tiny body, knowing
it was hopeless. Your silences
have become the car-seat-straps
of my life now. From the outside
they waited, beckoning in sheer
inevitability, and from the inside
I can see no way out
without ripping you in two.

I have lied a lot
But believe me when I say
This is the first time
I ever lie your way

I trust you
I love you
I need you

I have lied a lot
Never one for you
But maybe just this time
Is the start of something new

"I sat in a restaurant waiting for my order to arrive,
In between a day dream, i glanced over my shoulder, and witnessed
tears coming out of a young man's eyes.
His right hand clutched in hers as she pulled away,
i was able to read her lips. "I have nothing more to say."
She excused herself, stood up, and slowly walked toward me,
looking into my eyes, she bowed her head, and softly said.
"Dam it, he still has my apartment key."
My lunch arrived as he sits their and cries.
I feel his pain, i once played that game.
The only difference was.
It was i who said the goodbye's.
We always hear of the girl with a broken heart.
"Boys Hearts Get Broken Too"

downed half a bottle in less than five minutes
and then i heard the news
so my mind reached it's limits
when you told me what he did to you

your throat caught between a car door
his fingers in your mouth,
biting, tearing, screaming, like you never had before
from the time you left my house,
it all went south
blades of steel beg for him to bleed more

i would hope they choke
on all the words they spew
i can only hope
tragedy will leave me and you.

my fist met the dead wood
blood drips down my fingers
and i did not do as i should've,
found him, destroyed him, left his soul to linger

so instead i returned the books to a false love
who broke me in ways no man ever should
it should've meant something, it must've,
but with him, it never could.

here's to the bruises on your arms
and the words that still echo inside my head
here's to the war we fought, all the harm
here's to the men who are better off dead.

Three days to a week.
Twice a month or skip a month.
Day Two and I hurt.

The more I talk to God,
The more I think he's not really listening
The more bad thoughts I have,
The more the ugly truth is leaving me wondering
The more I read the bible,
The more I realize I don't believe a word it says
The more I question,
The more secrets I can't confess
The more narrow minded my mother is,
The more she lets the light in so I can see
The more times I drink "the blood of Christ"
The more it feels like drinking the Kool Aid to me

i.
no matter what your teachers
may tell you, your grades are not a
measure of how smart you are, that
has more to do with how you handle your
heart, and i have never seen anyone love
more fiercely or smart than you.  

ii.
i have let boys touch me just because
i was scared to lose them; don't let them
lay a hand on you without you asking
them to, you are worth more than that.

iii.
people will walk away, but you've known
that already.  keep your chin up so that when
they turn back one last time, they know that
you don't need them.
you don't need them.

iv.
i hope you find somebody that holds your
hands, even when you're nervous and
they start to sweat.  if they pull away,
you come find me and i swear,
i won't let go.