He said he would no longer toy with her
But there could be no promise
Take the chance or not
She loved him enough to say yes to life together
But he only wanted her pride in him
There was never a woman who thought him perfect
An imperfect house, every wall crooked
A leaky roof, the carpet stained
on and on and on
Yet what did they see when they walked by?
Why did they knock on the door?
Did they know what was on the inside?
They would tell him once, then paint the walls
It was smile, his courtesy, they could see
how he felt about them
Yet,
fearful of his own passion
He assumed too much
Their fidelity, their chasteness
Could this woman want a crude man
Throwing her on the floor, violently mating
No, how could that be?
Instead,
it became a canvas to paint delicately
But he could not decide which color
Or how many
Should he lay the canvas on the floor
And pour the paint upon it’s expectation?
Her impatience became like a bird
upon the updraft of its calling
She flew away to the island mountains
The rivers had risen
It’s feet shuffling to a liquid dance
Subsuming the rocks and valleys
But it was no matter to her
She could fly
He wondered if she would come back
She deserved everything
She could fly
She deserved his promise
And her criticism
He had to be able to take it
He was just a man
But he was a man
He had to take it
And she was there for him to love her
That was what he thought anyway
Did he ever really know a woman?
Each one a fantasy
But he could not lift them up that far
Only in his mind
He wondered
So many children
So many unhappy women
They would give life
Then they would suffer through it
He never understood
Screaming at him
But staying night after night
Was that love?
Was that a woman?
It was as if her life was a miscarriage
It was so close
It was alive
It was happiness
And then she thought
I should have been there for you
For you
My baby
My life
And he thought about this
He regretted thinking of her as an angel
It was too much for her
She just wanted loyalty
He watered her garden
He dusted her pictures
There was so much to lose
He couldn’t ignore it again
He was a skeleton
He wanted his skin back
He wanted his organs
He wanted his life back
To breathe
To eat
To feel the inside of a woman
Through her eyes
So he waited for her answer
He knew what it would be
Loyalty does not compromise
She was a woman
It was not a game

I'm starting to dig reality
The fantasy world is too much
You're too young anyway
Everything you want I try to avoid

I don't worry about being a man
It doesn't pay the rent
If you're hungry enough
What you are is how you're employed

What are you looking at anyway
Jesus said knock it off
How bored you must be
You people judge, your soul destroyed

I'm gonna' remember you
Nothing can ruin a good dream
You love me as I am
I'm not jealous, I'm not paranoid

How can you smile so brightly
While life burns so unkindly
You hear music playing sweetly
While someone treats you cruelly
Inside the fire you didn’t start

How can life burden you so unfairly
While your heart loves unconditionally
All we see is the love you send freely
Who would make such a beauty
Live inside a fire she didn’t start?

I wonder if you will ever find
The feelings you once had
Your smile is all that is left
I would never know sadness
If I was always looking at you
Only you know what’s true

How can you live so calmly
Being treated so wrongly
No flower should be so lonely
Who could live their life so coldly
Feeding the fire you didn’t start?

Let me take you home
I only want to cool your mind
To believe in tomorrow
You have enough time
The way you look at me
You are so much more than sorrow

You may say
Life is of no consequence
So many have lived
Neglected by a poets eloquence
Faceless by any name
And yet they lived and died
Passionate, loved, a friend
Upon marshy sod, their children cried
For they would remember
Love squinting to see
Memories bending time as echoes
Shimmering like the moon on the sea
He wanted her to live with him
But only from afar
A demented madman of love
Could only speak by star
And another, who would only prevail
Upon lust each and every night
But love, in its exhaustion
Was left longing in his sight
Yet still, laughter, a fiddle or a lute
These things were made by honor
To live, by mistake or luck
But to not care, there is no greater horror

My face, like a wax figure
The party, a parade of curiosity
Laughing at what they will never remember
Unless someone plays the fool
I hide behind my bravado
An invention, a fabricated symmetry
But a hint of oddity remains
A strange sort of allure, fierce
Stronger than life itself
For life itself is no longer enough
Not like it once was
Every feast devoured
Weakness or strength, digested
But my eyes are not vacant
I understand my effect on you
My face, unaware of itself
Alone, without a mirror that reminds
The longer I forget
It’s flaws of no concern
Because that couldn’t be it
You smiled long enough to see
The lines that run together
And the blood rushing to fill them
I was naked once again
I knew it would happen
Civility, the weakness of morals
You wanted me to guess correctly
Were you afraid of God or of yourself
I made it easy for you by walking away
Neither thinking poorly of me for an indiscretion
Or drenched by the deluge of sin
I could not help myself
But if you could just tell me the answer
I will know why I waited for so long

If I have to be somebody's ex
She gonna' think about regrets
Her friends are gonna' say ****
You walked away from him?

That's right it's gonna' get better
You're gonna' forget her
But she's gonna' remember
Because you didn't let her win

They might think it's over for you
And between you and her it's true
But your life is so much more
It don't matter where you've been

I know why you did it
I know why you quit it
I'm no bargain for a lover
You had to fight for it
And you didn't want to do it
That's what love is about
But the honeymoon was not it
You said I was in charge of it

I can love you desperately
And watch you reject me
Tomorrow will still love me
Yesterday will be your sin

Don't think I didn't feel it
I can't lie, you did steal it
But you can't **** my heart
In between each beat I mend

I know how goodbye feels
There's nothing more real
It's time to wonder about life
You're not the reason it will end

I know why you did it
I know why you quit it
I'm no bargain for a lover
You had to fight for it
And you didn't want to do it
That's what love is about
But a honeymoon is not all of it
You said I was the reason for it

He loved what could not love him back
He could hold it in his mind for years
A purple dress in the moonlight
But really it was someone else’s woman
A ranch road driving with two friends
But really it was the stark desolation
The dry air was not so sweet to his mind
And yet the memory was pure confection

He was drowning in thorns he thought holy
Blood drawn from the body gives life
He saw a man with his hand open
And another with his closed
Their hearts felt strangely the same
Neither holding a dove or a rose
Mountains rising inside their dreams
Pushing clouds to places no one knows

The cold is never as cold as it seems
Except when you believe something
That’s not as true as it once was
An angel flying apart from the sun
Turning back for one last look
Lonely for the need of someone
She couldn’t get him to notice
Not even a glance, not even one

He no longer felt the need for a tailor
And was comfortable in dull black shoes
Passing through his mind like insects
Mere curiosities for pretension
He prepared his table for importance
In the minds of his growing children
Yet even in cold air he held open the window
His love for her could no longer remain hidden

He was too curious to ever be lonely
Without a plane he traveled the world
He could see the eyes of pain all around
Except the one that could see it in his own
The mistake was no longer caring about time
It was like a kiss that had always been alone
But when his lips parted the sun and moon
A shivering angel asked, “Will you take me home?”