“Dare to dream,” they scream,
unyielding benefits wasted on the sleeve of a man born blind.

Expecting me to “watch my step” and “watch my words,”
if I look back on history and shout at you, your back turned, do my words go unheard?

Pieces of us washed away by the ever-changing tide,
**** it up, pull me under engrossed in a fight that I refuse to find.

The end. Peace exists at the end of a swollen sword,
rupture and rapture, forget faith and materialize a new lord.

Chaos caters to the unprepared, logic and reason left for the scared.

There’s a place in my heart, but no....not for you,
it’s empty, filled with grief, a void of emotion that’s surely due.

A year. Not quite 400 days but more than enough time to reflect,
a decision lay in your hands, no second guessing, no regret.

One squeeze from me, stone like, love poured out, a hugger,
one squeeze from you, dreams released, the spray of a trigger.

Stripes and claws, angry morning as you pet another maw,

I type and mention empty things, you plan your escape from life’s fraud,
A symbol carved into the heart of a tree, I don’t agree with how you chose to be free,
but life clapped its hands, with an authoritarian applaud.

Warm milk and cold stares are all that are left lingering there,
truth laced with lies begging to belong somewhere.

Copper taste with an unforgiving, unmovable face.

The “I love you’s” could be measured in between the passing of each new blue moon.

One last hug, where the stubble on your chin leaves more than just a physical itch -

I close my eyes and all my avenues that remind me to bleed for you.

Steady rhythm to keep from pacing, passing the time by counting the spacing when I stopped caring for you.

We are spear versus shield, holding our breath and bracing for impact,
you are white wine, unrefined, used to soak every color of crayon in a knapsack.

A fire slowly dying, candle burning, branding nameless names,
love is self regulating, as the passing of each flame reaches purgatory.

Hold my hand close to your heart as I listen to you tear me apart,

It’s hard to chalk it all up to hate,
harder still to sit back and blame “fate.”

Take a moment, reconsider, exact revenge on us by pulling the trigger,
“Be kind. Be humble. Be the parent even when little try to be bigger.”

I’ll avoid any claim of you, sitting atop an empty throne,
I’d rather surround myself with people who care than have you pretend to care when I’m all alone.

The hate is there, buried, vaguely on the surface,
deterring, detached, detesting and serving its purpose.

An invisible web of lies is what’s broken and blind,
within us, without them, a situation, foreign and undefined.

Pleasure rising as intolerance and indecision placates,
I look to my greed, my selfishness and wants as I advocate.

A knot of trust, tried and true, with a twisted unrealistic worldview,
Let’s continue, retry, forgive and see nothing new in round two.

Clutch to hope and wonder what about life makes it so unfair,
Getting answers to questions that no longer matter, I swear.

Undone and forgotten, you’re everything that I wished removed,
I’ll stay with you to make myself unhappy, even if my heart doesn’t approve.

I place the blame for troubled times on situations out of our control,
It was those eyes, that smile and false promises that put good decisions on hold.

Our love was relevant, once, before nature took its course,
We were unstoppable until we became unlovable,  such an unnatural force.

Teach me grace, give me mercy, use your words to fan the flame,
Take my pride, lend me leniency, it’s our disregard that’s to blame.

I’m the rock, sturdy strong, crashing waves the least of what’s breaking,
A steady stream of forgettable memories is all that we’re making.

Bury thoughts of me, like unwinding lovers and other sober secrets,
Unearth what can’t be unseen, stumbling over the place where broken wills are kept.

Clouded judgement sits and waits for that normal need,
stingy hands, retracting, only willing to give to those that bleed.

Inside of me, pulling and begging, pleading and feeding,
if Purgatory isn’t real then what is this indecision I’m feeling?

Alive on the outside, with a smile that can scar stone,
Inside, at night, darkness whispers to me that I’m alone.

I think about, and willingly try to avoid, the things that I hate,
Eyes open, teeth clenched, I harbor disgrace resigned to my fate.

With a passive, unyielding subtlety your eyes explain what I’m lacking,
you once told me that “the way to your heart” was to keep you laughing,

Yes, you see, I did that and more, so how it failed is still a mystery,
somewhere along the lines I fumbled and forgot that you were the key.

I was supposed to smile more, do more, LOVE more all this to avoid your scorn,
I pictured something different, maybe even a purpose for which I was born.

Sleep knows me best, rotting away at my core, curled in its nest,
suffocating as I wade through compliments, choking them down as a test.

There’s a madness and a reason that our fates are intertwined,
I just wonder if we open up each other, what we’d find?

I’ve done all that I can to **** you out of my mind,
But there you crept, around that corner one shallow grave away from reminding me that you’re alive.

Tonight for dinner, sleep was the chosen course, forever desperate as I tried to escape,
It’s a sublime feeling when I find out that it’s not you, but myself that I hate.

A cookie cut out problem has me set on edge and plagued by doubt,
The most complex of solutions, give me time, we’ll figure it out.

What is that, there, cradled in your arms?
The verbal whip, knuckles white as you’re satisfied by causing harm.

Shut down and shut out so I sang myself to sleep tonight,
It’s ok, I agree - the tears bring out my color, so bright.

There’s a narrow line, be ever gentle lest it breaks my fall,
Gather courage and make a pact with fear so I don’t feel so small.

I understand, I think, just exactly who you are,
I give in to my guilt and my shame, and it’s straight back to to the corner, that I crawl.

I listen intently as your footsteps approach me lightly,
I feign sleep as we pretend that we love one another nightly.

The same hand, sturdy, carving initials in bark,
now holds the knife, in my back, my heart, the mark.

It began again like it always does,
eyes locked, and heart skips a beat “just because”.

I soldier on embracing our precious past, our ghosts -
I cling to life, beg for warmth and your comfort the most.

I am the fire, burning, raging, dying,
your promises the foundation, the tinder, lying.

Hammer pounding, reinforced fears as I’m open to you,
Destroy to rebuild, you, my reason to fear something new.

I closed my eyes, held my breath and told the world to stay,
axis tilting, you, my world, slowly wilting away.

Wrinkled hand is drinking from a medicine cup,
ancient demons, the season, as your lies erupt.

Our business becomes a garden, barren, no rain,
compliments get caught in my throat, no longer your name.

Death lets himself in through the cover of darkness as I sleep,
I should have known it was you holding the knife, hilt deep.

There’s a sickness stirring inside of me, it began from a lack of uncertainty.

Hidden hands, refusing to ever even take a stand,
there’s a thought process that lingers in demand.

I’m worthless to you, like holding dollar bills out to the “We’re Closed” store sign,
it’s cliche, I know, but it’s not your fault... but mine.

I’m a burning star, far fading and even further from glory,
Let’s begin, start over and rewind this same old story.

There’s an aliment setting in, the kind that comes from a borrowed curse,
Yet somehow this feeling that’s eating my insides and taking over feels worse.

Our backs rested against the solid ground, spilling secrets, so profound,
my ears begging to hear your sound, I’m enthralled by even your footsteps as they abound.

There’s faith, there, at the bottom of this jump,
but there’s fear here at the top that I’m afraid will triumph.

A passion for pain because I just do this to myself,
because you’d be true to me, and I to you and no one else.

Pull the trigger, take the shot ****** your knife into the dark,
we drowned in gasoline, failed to light unable to forget that spark.