you will know she is a poetess
if she likes to wear long-sleeves
long-sleeves that hide the scars
long-sleeves that hold her bruised arms together
long-sleeves with a slit near the shoulder
where she tried to wear her heart
(but poured it out in ink instead)

she will have long hair
or walk like she does
because hair is memory
cutting it is like erasing yesterday's you
restyling it is like recreating you.
her hair will have leaves in it
and leftover twine
from the flower crown she wears
or if she is the daring kind
her hair will have silverdust
(proof of how close her words
got her to the moon)

if she smiles and laughs
and never shows pain
she is a poetess
because a poetess writes her hurt down
in free verses and half-finished sonnets
and she cries not on a boy's shoulder
but on paper where her tears are caught by
the swooping syllables and dauntless denotations
making her words come alive
(because where there is water, there is life)

if you meet a person and assume she is a poetess
check first her palms
(if she will show them to you)
they must show no sign of ink
(for a poetess is sometimes secretive)
no, you must be able to trace the constellations
along the creases of her palm
smell the rocket smoke
and see the nebulae dotting her flesh
where she managed to catch stars.
congratulate her
and maybe, she will lift the hem
of her long pearl blue skirt
and show you the wings on her ankles
and if you're lucky, she will tell you story
upon story
upon story.

if you are able to tell a poetess from a person
and you find her,
keep her.
keep her close to where
the drums of your soul beat from
keep her next to your dreams of sailing and pink seas
keep her in the mental list you keep
of people you will never, ever leave
(and she will keep you, too)

when she dies,
wrap her body in a white Ilocos blanket.
use no coffin.
let the earth swallow her up
(but don't let it swallow her words)
tend to the fire she left you
plan to set out on a quest
to look
for other word-weavers
because it is impossible to live without
these storytellers
then go back to her writing desk
touch the last thing she held
and look for a hole
a false drawer
a hidden key
anything that keeps.
and i promise you,
you will find
more poems.
and if you spread each page out on the floor
its letters will rearrange
and form your name
and point you to a poem hidden
in a pocket she sewed inside her coat
and the first line will read,


"how to tell if she is a poetess"

You think you can erase me. You think throwing my glass to the ground will remove my lip stick stains. You think your brain, like rocks, will become smooth if you lay in the gentle waves of a new lover. You think your fingers will lose my prints if you burn them long enough on the fire of your newfound passion.
You think her smell will cloud over mine. You think you can forget I was ever around, when you hold the truth on your skin.
How could I possibly be gone from you if you'll never be gone from me? My mouth shows you to every single person I meet. They can't see you there, they can't feel you with my tongue. They don't know the chip you've left on my tooth. It's not there for them. It's mine.
You pretend I don't know your body like a map. You don't think I can trace the scars of your fingers, draw the gully of your joints, the flat plains of your chest. You don't know a thing.
I'll never be gone. You can cut me out physically all you want. But when night comes, and you're clutching her close, remember me.
Remember me then. You'll feel her body shift, and for the briefest of seconds, you'll know where mine belongs.
You'll catch my scent on a breeze, and call her my name. You can't ignore me. I'll never go away. I know far too much to vanish. It's not over, and I won't let it be over until I've seen you squirm.
She doesn't want you. We both feel it.
See, even if I'm not near you, I feel you. I feel what you feel, know what you're thinking. That won't go away.
You can singe my *******, and you can **** my mementos. You can.
You can't **** what they meant to you. You can't **** what you feel.
So drown yourself in her, and I'll laugh when you roll to my shores, torn apart.
Your skin will sag and weigh itself down with seaweed. You'll have barnacles on your tongue as you try to speak to me. You will tell me, "I knew it was wrong. You will never be gone,"
And I will tell you to hush, and rip off each one slowly, savoring them, making your mouth bleed onto my lap. Your blood will pool around my knees, and sink into my skin, like it was always meant to.
You can't escape me.
Late at night, lay there, thinking of me.
You may have her now,
But you'll always have me.

Honest to god, I love people. As a teenager, you might catch me saying otherwise in times of frustration or lack of hope for the human race, but in all actuality, I love people. The sheer fact that all of us are immensely different yet so innately similar never ceases to turn my mind upside down and possessing the ability to fall in love with strangers has made me, in turn, fall in love with writing about them.
Walk down the street and find somewhere to sit, now observe. You see an old man pass by, walking his jubilant puppy and almost instantly, your brain is making judgments about him. Maybe his wife passed away and the puppy is his only company and now he is walking her trying to calm her down but it isn't working because she's a puppy, and well, energy is an expanse for them. But wait, now an elderly lady approaches them and kisses the man on the face. Strike one. The dog lifts up a leg and leaves its scent on a tree. Strike two. Now, the dog lays down and is panting like crazy, but from here you can tell that its fur is already graying. Strike three. You thought you knew everything about him, when really, you didn't have a clue.
That's the beauty of mystery - the guessing game and the eventual strike out. You're amazed at the fact that you know so much about humans, and yet, at the same time, so little. All of us are walking contradictions and labyrinths within ourselves. It's a shame, really, how most people don't explore their own personal mazes - but there's one thing all of us do love to do: explore everyone else's.

how lucky am I
to have loved so deeply
that in losing it
I lost myself

how lucky am I
to have felt lies so truly
that I believed
I found myself

i'll be the toxin
if you wear me on your skin
if you feel me in your veins i'm working
my way
into your heart
across your lungs
and take the blood from bone
let me be the toxin
and you'll never feel alone
but i'll leave you
barren
bony
cold
and dry
just the way i like it
just the way you died

How I wish I was the cigarette
that brings you back down easy
pressed between your soft lips

How I wish I was the sheets
that keep you warm and safe at night
wrapped around your delicate frame

How I wish I was the guitar
that sings familiar to you each night
caressed by your gentle hands

How I wish I was the book
that spoke understanding to you across time
gazed upon intently by your longing eyes

I believe I was the poem
that you created in your sorrow
crumpled up and thrown away

...were you ashamed?

If you ever love another
Out of respect to me,
Do not bring her
To the house you bought for you and I.
If she should make it to our home
Do not carry her over the threshold
like you did me.
If you carry her into our home
Do not place her on our bed.
The one where you made love to me
where we dreamed of making life
A daughter for you to spoil
A son for me to be proud of.
If you make love to her in our bed,
Turn the light's off
That she may not see my soul
Screaming in agony
That she may not see my pictures
Still hanging on the wall
That she may not know i live
In your heart even though am gone.